Why I think people moving in middle age should seek accessible housing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put in elevator. Problem solved.

Agreed. My 80 year old parents live in a 3 story house with elevator.

My parents moved into their new build forever home as almost empty nesters over 36 years ago.

My dad died about five years ago but had to go to assisted living where he lived out the rest of his life mostly because he couldn’t physically remain in their home. My mom briefly consulted a contractor who was willing to do some moderate but extensive and expensive changes to make their first floor accessible for my dad. This included installing one of those electric chair lifts on the staircase and bringing in a hospital bed and converting part of their living room into a bedroom. My mom would have none of it. She didn’t want her beautiful home “ruined” (and live through the renovation) and so off to a nursing home he went.

My mom now lives alone and navigates two flights of steps to reach her bedroom.

My dad had mobility issues for years; he could no longer even visit us as he was unable to navigate our few steps outside and inside of our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put in elevator. Problem solved.

Agreed. My 80 year old parents live in a 3 story house with elevator.

My parents moved into their new build forever home as almost empty nesters over 36 years ago.

My dad died about five years ago but had to go to assisted living where he lived out the rest of his life mostly because he couldn’t physically remain in their home. My mom briefly consulted a contractor who was willing to do some moderate but extensive and expensive changes to make their first floor accessible for my dad. This included installing one of those electric chair lifts on the staircase and bringing in a hospital bed and converting part of their living room into a bedroom. My mom would have none of it. She didn’t want her beautiful home “ruined” (and live through the renovation) and so off to a nursing home he went.

My mom now lives alone and navigates two flights of steps to reach her bedroom.

My dad had mobility issues for years; he could no longer even visit us as he was unable to navigate our few steps outside and inside of our house.

It is a shame your father had no children to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is right on the money. I’m 57 and I can completely testify that there has been a significant difference in my physical ability in the last 5 years alone despite being healthy and active. You better believe that when we leave this area after my youngest graduates high school next year, I will be looking for a house with at least the master on the first floor. That way there is already 1 large bedroom with adequate room in the bathroom on the first floor if a wheelchair is needed later. Also low enough to the ground on the outside that a ramp can be put in if steps are a problem.

Those suggesting an elevator or chair lift don’t seem to understand the serious consequences of that plan. The person is stranded if they are upstairs and the electricity goes out, or if there is a fire and they can’t get to the elevator.

OP is not saying the house HAS to be completely on one level, and leave it to DCUM to jump to extremities. They are saying keep the potential future in mind and have at least 1 bedroom and bathroom on the first floor, with accessibility modulations available for the outside. Saying “oh I’ll just add a bathroom” is very costly and unnecessary if you pick a house that already has one.

Couldn’t you get a back up power source like a generator or a power wall? Also you do the best you can. You can’t plan for every potential disaster. My mother was in assisted living for 5 years - on the 6th floor of an elevated building. Condos are one level but also usually high rises. They’d have the same issues if the power goes out or in a fire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put in elevator. Problem solved.

Agreed. My 80 year old parents live in a 3 story house with elevator.

My parents moved into their new build forever home as almost empty nesters over 36 years ago.

My dad died about five years ago but had to go to assisted living where he lived out the rest of his life mostly because he couldn’t physically remain in their home. My mom briefly consulted a contractor who was willing to do some moderate but extensive and expensive changes to make their first floor accessible for my dad. This included installing one of those electric chair lifts on the staircase and bringing in a hospital bed and converting part of their living room into a bedroom. My mom would have none of it. She didn’t want her beautiful home “ruined” (and live through the renovation) and so off to a nursing home he went.

My mom now lives alone and navigates two flights of steps to reach her bedroom.

My dad had mobility issues for years; he could no longer even visit us as he was unable to navigate our few steps outside and inside of our house.

Pretty clear that you have a lot of anger and resentment toward your mother. I hope you can work through it, whatever “fault” there is within the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put in elevator. Problem solved.

Agreed. My 80 year old parents live in a 3 story house with elevator.

My parents moved into their new build forever home as almost empty nesters over 36 years ago.

My dad died about five years ago but had to go to assisted living where he lived out the rest of his life mostly because he couldn’t physically remain in their home. My mom briefly consulted a contractor who was willing to do some moderate but extensive and expensive changes to make their first floor accessible for my dad. This included installing one of those electric chair lifts on the staircase and bringing in a hospital bed and converting part of their living room into a bedroom. My mom would have none of it. She didn’t want her beautiful home “ruined” (and live through the renovation) and so off to a nursing home he went.

My mom now lives alone and navigates two flights of steps to reach her bedroom.

My dad had mobility issues for years; he could no longer even visit us as he was unable to navigate our few steps outside and inside of our house.

Well, may be your mother was afraid taking on construction and caregiving at her age. She herself is still dealing with the stairs. Anyhow, your father wasn't just her responsibility, he had grown children as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put in elevator. Problem solved.

Agreed. My 80 year old parents live in a 3 story house with elevator.

My parents moved into their new build forever home as almost empty nesters over 36 years ago.

My dad died about five years ago but had to go to assisted living where he lived out the rest of his life mostly because he couldn’t physically remain in their home. My mom briefly consulted a contractor who was willing to do some moderate but extensive and expensive changes to make their first floor accessible for my dad. This included installing one of those electric chair lifts on the staircase and bringing in a hospital bed and converting part of their living room into a bedroom. My mom would have none of it. She didn’t want her beautiful home “ruined” (and live through the renovation) and so off to a nursing home he went.

My mom now lives alone and navigates two flights of steps to reach her bedroom.

My dad had mobility issues for years; he could no longer even visit us as he was unable to navigate our few steps outside and inside of our house.

Well, may be your mother was afraid taking on construction and caregiving at her age. She herself is still dealing with the stairs. Anyhow, your father wasn't just her responsibility, he had grown children as well.

PP above and so wrote the essay above to describe the difficulties my father had remaining in his home. What an odd take with so many erroneous assumptions here.

[Anonymous]

The 40 something having a hip replacement will be FINE and go on to enjoy their stairs for possibly 40 more years. That’s hardly a reason to buy a ranch house. Recovery is less than a month.

[Anonymous]

Stop telling people how to live. If someone buys a home with stairs at 45 and then has a hip replacement at 60, they will figure it out.

I never understand arguments like this. "Something might happen so you should make all your decisions hoping it will!" Even when it's a decision that you can change. You can sell a house! You can even do stuff like move your bedroom to the first floor for a while during a surgery recovery, and then move back upstairs when better (where climbing up and down the stairs daily might actually help you).

Leave people alone.

[Anonymous]

My mom is 75 and lives in a 3 level TH. She’s in terrific shape. No issues with stairs. She bought the house when she was 50.

My in laws bought a house in their late 50s. They are now both 75. It’s a ranch. My MIL can barely handle any sort of exertion. It’s like she been waiting to deteriorate and so now she is. She doesn’t do any other exercise either and sometimes I wonder if stairs would have helped keep them in better physical shape. Maybe not.

But some of this boils down to mind set. My mom is prepared to age in place a help, or move as needed. My in-laws will resist help and cling to their one level house past the point it makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the whole thing funny. As if 55 is old. I bought my current home at 55. I had a wife a 10, 15 and 17 year old and three cars.

45-55 is trade up time. Not ranch one level living. And retirement age is 67 in United States.

I am an empty Nestor at 67 and will retire. But then I want to maybe travel, figure where to live. Maybe downsize but more likely buy a second home one level as a vacation home to see if I like it.

My neighbors many are 60-85 and live in large homes and walk all the time. My 80 year old neighbors across the street walk three miles every day.

My house literally of old would only need to go up and downstairs twice a day to just to sleep.

Also where do kids and grandkids stay in your magically one story home. None of my kids are staying in DMV it appears.

They come home Xmas and Thanksgiving they expect their bedrooms. Come marriage will be bringing spouses and then grandkids.

And I WFH I can’t imagine how horrible that is on one level. And what about hobbies?

And who is cleaning out these big houses. Kids are lazy. Is my 80 year old neighbors supposed to empty a 7,000 sf house on their own and pack up?

More reason to become an empty nester before 60, downsize and spend money on travel, hobbies etc. It sounds horrible to maintain a 7,000 sqf home in your 80's because kids visit twice a year for few days. Y'all can rent Airbnb to enjoy holidays together.

My neighbors are a retired surgeon married to a retired VP. He even walks one mile to supermarket on nice days. They have no housekeeper. They are in perfect health. They do have a landscaper and handyman.

Empty Nestor at 60 is not a goal for most. My boss used to always say you can’t be 30 at 60. Retire early to do what. Your best years are 18-34.

Its "empty nester"; a bird who's chicks have flown away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put in elevator. Problem solved.

Agreed. My 80 year old parents live in a 3 story house with elevator.

Serious question: what does it cost to install an elevator in a 3-story house?

[Anonymous]

Most people buy two retire the homes. I own on a condo complex by the beach. I say 75 percent of buyers are already retired in their retirement home.

Last couple who moved in bought a large beach house around four blocks my condo complex when they retired in 2005. They sold it last year in 2021 and moved to out condo complex to an upper unit. 65 retired in 2005 now 76.

My complex does lawn care, snow removal, clean gutters, take care of sprinklers, clean gutters and we cover flood insurance on common charges and upper units are pretty safe.

76 is a good time to move. But we do have folks in their 90s in units. In most cases is not stairs it is maint and Capital tied up. Also the ability to lock door and leave is helpful.

[Anonymous]

We plan to retire in place in our SFH in MoCo. My DH will have joint problems and that scares me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family is full of cops, I agree OP.

The things they see and talk about when we get together.

The fallacy that walkable communities are good for aging and elderly. Pretty much every car hitting a pedestrian is a teen being an idiot or an older person making a grave mistake.

Falling down stairs is huge.

Getting stuck in their apartment when electricity goes out, can’t walk stairs, elevator out, die of dehydration.

Well duh. They only see the people who have been hit by cars, not all the elders who have not been. Use it or lose it. Walkability is extremely important for the elderly.

[Anonymous]

My ILs bought a tiny condo near a beach community as a getaway. They’re on the top of 3 floors and there’s a parking garage with elevator.

They don’t plan to make this place their FT residence.

Likely they’ll sell it around the time one or the other will no longer want to or be unable to drive 3.5 hours.