If you could start over, what kind of man would you want to date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The same one I married.

We dated for 5 years so that we could both fully see what we were getting in the other. The best advice I ever got was TAKE YOUR TIME.

I dated mine for 10 (19-29) and then he developed bipolar disorder and became a new person. So don't get cocky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disconnected family. Not necessarily estranged, just independent and self sufficient. As an orphan myself, I have a really hard time dealing with the expectations and outright demands of DH’s family (holidays, living locations, access to my life, access to my kids, etc).

You'd think your being an orphan would make it logistically much easier to spend holidays with his family and would feel supportive and loving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disconnected family. Not necessarily estranged, just independent and self sufficient. As an orphan myself, I have a really hard time dealing with the expectations and outright demands of DH’s family (holidays, living locations, access to my life, access to my kids, etc).

You'd think your being an orphan would make it logistically much easier to spend holidays with his family and would feel supportive and loving.

NP. Disagree. I usually dated men with disconnected families for this reason. I am not an orphan but I can relate. I do not like all the family stuff. Unfortunately, I married someone so close to his family that I was always last. I am divorced. The best part is that I never have to see them anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disconnected family. Not necessarily estranged, just independent and self sufficient. As an orphan myself, I have a really hard time dealing with the expectations and outright demands of DH’s family (holidays, living locations, access to my life, access to my kids, etc).

You'd think your being an orphan would make it logistically much easier to spend holidays with his family and would feel supportive and loving.

NP. Disagree. I usually dated men with disconnected families for this reason. I am not an orphan but I can relate. I do not like all the family stuff. Unfortunately, I married someone so close to his family that I was always last. I am divorced. The best part is that I never have to see them anymore.

Always last and always told that my personal traditions don’t matter because his family has traditions. Okay, so what? I spent decades building my own Christmas traditions and my own Thanksgiving traditions. It would be okay if it was a 50/50 time split between mine and his, but him and his family always treat it as “she has no family so there is no reason we should not get everything.”

[Anonymous]

I would pay more attention to how I feel when I’m with him. It’s the ultimate most important thing, has a lot to do with communication and emotional intelligence. I’d pay less attention to political beliefs (seemed so important that we aligned almost exactly when I was younger), and looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband and wouldn't change a thing overall, but ideally someone who was more into planning and extroverted duringweekends, and being outdoors
and honestly, i am far from someone you would think would marry for money, but if i started from scratch and was looking for $, I'd hang out in dating pools with wealthy people with serious generational wealht, because why not?

This times a million!! would still marry for love no matter what but wealth/comfort/security matter!

Having said that, I met him at Princeton and I also went to HBS, so it's not like I didn't have a chance to fall in love with people with generational wealth (and I say generational, because I actually think most people actively looking to make a lot of money wouldn't be good fit for me)

It’s better to marry generational wealth, so long as he knows how to make more or manage it properly. So many I know born into wealth have no idea how to make money— only how to spend it.

3 generations from poor house to poor house. You can help them speed up the cycle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never ever get married. Ever. It is just not worth it.

Agreed. If I could have this exact same child without the man involved, that would be even more perfect.

[Anonymous]

I'd take 70% of my husband, but switch out 15% for a more positive and engaged approach to life, and 15% more sex drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make sure they are not addicted to anything like alcohol or drugs. I would more carefully look at their parents' marriage or relationship or lack of - I had no idea how messed up his family of origin was and how his mom left his dad because he had a child with his affair. That didn't come up till after the wedding. I had no idea how difficult the childhood was because his parents were so selfish and not around very much and more concerned about their careers and who they were dating.

I would go for someone who cares deeply about family and being there for his loved ones but knows boundaries and has a stable and more predictable career.

Just wondering how this manifested in yiur husband: did he cheat as well? Wondering if it repeats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same one I married.

We dated for 5 years so that we could both fully see what we were getting in the other. The best advice I ever got was TAKE YOUR TIME.

I dated mine for 10 (19-29) and then he developed bipolar disorder and became a new person. So don't get cocky.

Same. Together from age 20-30, and then suddenly manic/depressive. It's quite the game changer.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want to go back and do it all again with someone else. No thanks. But I wouldn't mind being independently wealthy and living on my own in a different place.

[Anonymous]

Someone less frugal. Family money would be nice too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same one I married.

We dated for 5 years so that we could both fully see what we were getting in the other. The best advice I ever got was TAKE YOUR TIME.

I dated mine for 10 (19-29) and then he developed bipolar disorder and became a new person. So don't get cocky.

Same. Together from age 20-30, and then suddenly manic/depressive. It's quite the game changer.

Me too! Together 16 years. He developed suspected CTE. When we married no one knew CTE existed or that he’d be a prime candidate for it based on his success in contact sports.

But go ahead and pay yourself on the back if you need to. Great job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't want to go back and do it all again with someone else. No thanks. But I wouldn't mind being independently wealthy and living on my own in a different place.

This is my situation. I date interesting men but keep it light.

[Anonymous]

I’d marry someone who is kinder and enjoys sex more. My DH has a low drive.