SAHMs -- how much housework does your DH help with?

[Anonymous]

19:57-Same situation here! Hubby doesn't do anything in the house, and doing kids things outside of the house 'wears him out' as well.

I was also very resentful until I hired help with laundry, cleaning once a week. We have 5 kids ages 3-10, so having help is a 'must have!'

[Anonymous]

After reading these posts, I'm really convinced I have the best husband in the world. He's getting lucky tonight for sure. I work PT, and we do have a cleaning service 2x/month, but my husband:

-- Does all yard working, including mowing, trimming, laying mulch, fertilizer, composting, planting our vegetable garden, planting flowers in planters, weeding (I sometimes help on the last two)
-- Fixes and assembles anything house-related (he's a definite Mr. Fix-it)
-- Does all of our monthly bill paying
-- Keeps on top of our financial planning stuff in general
-- Irons his own clothes if necessary
-- Does about 50% of our cooking and all grilling (and we grill a lot)
-- Does at least 50% of school drop-offs/pick-ups for our two preschoolers
-- Does most of our in-between vacuums of our family room
-- Probably about 50% of the grocery shopping
-- Regularly runs other necessary errands (Target, Home Depot, Staples, etc.)

In addition, he is a very hands-on dad and regularly takes the kids for walks (mostly all of us together though), plays in the backyard with them, and he was like that even when they were infants (helping with feedings, bathtime, etc.). Unless one of us has an evening activity of some sort, we both put our kids to bed each night.

What do I do? 95% of our laundry (he puts away his own clothes though), make lunches for kids, some in between touch-up cleaning, most of our cooking, most pick-ups from school, all kids clothing purchases and most miscellaneous errands (hair cuts, doctors appts, etc.), ~50% of our grocery shopping.

Clearly, I have the much better deal, and I am so thankful every day to have such an awesome husband. My theory is that he is like this because he owned his own house before we got married and was used to taking care of it and himself. He also comes from a somewhat humble background and did not have things handed to him growing up, had to work for things, etc., so I think that contributes too.

[Anonymous]

I work part-time so my nanny helps with the kids' laundry and will unload the dishwasher.

I do EVERYTHING else. When I say my DH does NOTHING, that's not an exaggeration. Absolutely zero.

He does:

- goes to work
- coaches kids' sports

I do:

- all bills, taxes, financial planning, everything related to $$.
- all home maintenance, calling/waiting for/dealing with repairmen, upkeep/service for house issues, etc.
- all kid-related scheduling, forms, signing up for camps/activities, doctors/dentists appts, all things related to school, permission forms, sending in $, communicating with teachers, arranging carpools, etc.
- all chores at home - laundry, cleaning, taking out garbage, etc.
- all food shopping and cooking (he will help clear the table after dinner)
- all errands, shopping for kids' stuff, etc.

If I can get him to change a light bulb, it is a really big deal.

[Anonymous]

mows lawn
puts his dishes in sink
makes bed occasionally
occasionally picks up toys/wipes down counters with a wet paper towel! No cleaning spray...asked me the other day what kind of spray to use (it is ON THE COUNTER) and he never uses a sponge (Where are the sponges he asked. ON THE COUNTER)
Does a little tidying if we have guests
Weeding

But he works LONG hours and I would so so so rather him spend time with us than do chores. So i dont complain. He keeps his personal space clean and doesnt make a mess so it's ok.

That said, if I croak he is going to have to start from scratch on all domestic stuff! He knows how to run the dishwasher but not the washing machine,....

[Anonymous]

Mine does a TON....will take turns doing dishes (not set on a schedule or anything but sometimes he does them and sometimes I do them), all yard work, all laundry..well he washes and brings upstairs and I fold and put away. I do a lot of it but he does quite a bit too for working as many long hours as he does. He's a great husband and daddy!

[Anonymous]

Maybe the SAHM's who don't cook or clean can tell me what their problem is. I'm not picking on SAHM's, just picking on the lazy ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe the SAHM's who don't cook or clean can tell me what their problem is. I'm not picking on SAHM's, just picking on the lazy ones.

Not a SAHM, but maybe their "problem" is they are tired or don't feel like cooking and cleaning every day. I'm pretty lazy about cooking and cleaning, because I hate both those things. Luckily, I work, so we can get a housekeeper 2x a month, and DH and I share the house responsibilities. That means I do a bit more of the kid-related stuff, he does the cooking because he is great at making tasty, healthy meals but also because he doesn't mind it as much. He tends to clean a lot more in between housekeeping days, and he is better at errands (better meaning he doesn't endlessly complain about running them like I do).

I would go crazy as a SAHM because more of the cooking and cleaning and errands would fall on me...so I sympathize with those who don't want to do it all the time. Fair is fair, and it's obviously not fair if the working spouse works and does all the house stuff, but he should contribute, and if that is all the SAHMs are asking, that is not lazy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe the SAHM's who don't cook or clean can tell me what their problem is. I'm not picking on SAHM's, just picking on the lazy ones.

Ok, I'll bite. I'm not a SAHM, though I have been, but whether I have SAHMed, worked part-time, or worked full-time, I've had to do all the housework and almost all the cooking because my "D"H simply won't.

That said, both adults in the family are fundamentally responsible for making sure the family's requirements are met. But while a mom may not have paid employment, she isn't a cleaning lady, after all. If her DH's salary can cover this kind of help, or if her DH is willing to do it himself, there's no reason cleaning should *have* to fall to the wife. If there's an alternative, its hardly indecent if she takes advantage of it! I do a lot of cleaning, and I promise you, there's nothing ennobling about it. Quite the opposite, actually, when it consumes an unfortunate percentage of your time.

I used to live in a comfortable neighborhood in an international capital where the mothers stayed home for at least the baby and toddler years, but (as a standard) had weekly cleaners and hired babysitters twice a week-- once on a weekday so they could run errands and once on a weekend evening so they could go out with their husbands. I don't doubt these women could have done anything they needed to do for their families. They were hardly lazy or incompetent. But this left them free to enjoy the city with their young children and minimized the kind of animosity toward their husbands that comes from being saddled with thankless labor. This was a very civilized way to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe the SAHM's who don't cook or clean can tell me what their problem is. I'm not picking on SAHM's, just picking on the lazy ones.

OK, buddy. It's not that we DON'T cook or clean, it's that it's difficult to do all of the cooking (and especially the cleaning, since it's seemingly never-ending) and watching your kid(s) all week long. Any time to myself I have is spent cleaning, and I cannot keep up with things even with that.

[Anonymous]

SAHM here.

DH
feeds DD breakfast, unloads dishwasher, cleans cat box, brings trash to curb once a week, about 20% of cooking; 50-75% of baths and bedtimes (varies based on his schedule); and 30% of tidying/cleaning at end of day (we like a very neat house, so there is a fair amount of this); 70% of bills finances; 10% of errand running (the occasional "can you pick this up on your way home.?); irons his own clothes.

I cook 80% of time, do about 90% of errands, groceries; 100% of laundry; 70% of tidying; 30% of bills/financial planning; 100% of doctors visits, etc.; 100% of present purchasing for all family members; 100% of my ironing and DC's ironing; 100% of shopping for DC's needs (diapers, shoes, clothing, etc.)

Housekeeper twice a month for "deep" cleaning.

Overall, I think we have a good balance. DH is very helpful, but I do a lot too.

[Anonymous]

What about the ones that actually don't do cooking or cleaning at all/most? Really, I've seen husbands cook or clean AND work f/t, so I am curious. I am curious about the truly lazy SAHM's, not the ones who contribute. Any chance of the lazy ones chiming in? Are you hiding yet again?

[Anonymous]

PP here. Some of them have 3/4 to f/t nannies, which is why I am so curious. I am not talking about the ones with help once or twice a week.

[Anonymous]

I do 90% of the housework and I WOH FT.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe that any SAHM would withhold sex just because her DH won't help around the house.

Hello, he's already bringing in 100% of the cash - you should be so grateful you blow him every night even if he did 0% of the childcare and household work.

[Anonymous]

Gee let's see.

He drops the kids at daycare in the morning, but only after I've fed them breakfast, laid out their clothes, made sure their backpacks are packed and their teeth are brushed.

I take the kids to their activities and I'm team mom for one of them.

We each do 50% of putting the kids to bed.

I WOH 45 hours a week.

I do all the cooking, other than Saturday dinners.

100% of the finances, from checkbook balancing to retirement investing, is up to me.

I buy all the kids' clothes and arrange summer camps and all playdates and activities.

We have a teenager do all our yardwork.

We have an every other week cleaning service.

We each service our own cars.

People wonder why I screw around on him.