SAHMs -- how much housework does your DH help with?

[Anonymous]

DH does 90% of the cooking (frequently messy, elaborate cooking); 50% of the grocery shopping, most household repairs, yard maintenance (with help), and shares equally in taking kids to school and activities. I put kids to bed and get them ready in the morning, do all kitchen cleanup, trash and recycling, bed making, laundry and inside cleaning (with help), cat box cleaning, family scheduling, bills and investments, travel planning and packing, birthday and holiday gifts, family cards, thank yous, organizing toys, school projects, papers and photos, computer maintenance, car care, doctor, dentist, vet and haircut appointments, etc.
Sometimes I'm grateful that he does as much as he does, and sometimes I resent that he does what appeals to him and I'm stuck with all the ticky-tacky that's left. I try not to get too bent out of shape about it, though. Life is too short.

[Anonymous]

People are pretty much slobs or neat nicks before you marry them. I waited until I found someone I liked who had their own house (and kept it clean) and was good with the domestic stuff like cooking, laundry, etc. I had a hunch this would translate to child rearing and sharing of duties, and fortunately, I was right. I think about some of the knuckleheads I dated in my 20s and thank god I didn't marry them.

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM and DH does his own laundry, empties the diaper champ, and takes care of all of the household/car things that need to be fixed, but since we live in a condo the household stuff isn't that much. He often offers to cook/clean up, but I decline (at least on weekdays) so he can spend that time with DD before she goes to bed (he also does her bedtime routine). He will also pitch in and help out with anything that I specifically ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I stayed home... zero.

When I worked full-time... maybe 5%, but that came with a lot of cursing about my incompetence.

Now that I work part-time... 2% with more cursing. That's an occasional load of laundry-- just the machines, no folding/putting away.

I had a kid who didn't nap and wouldn't play alone until she was 4, so I can appreciate that sometimes SAHMs can pass whole days without having their hands free.

How are you married to my husband?

[Anonymous]

My SIL and I were having this conversation over christmas. She is a SAHM and I am a WAHM. Her husband does zero and mine does maybe 10%. Every few weeks I will lose it with him and he steps it up but each time he slips back to doing less and less. SIL commented that most of WOHM friends were in the same boat, working the same number of hours as DH, doing 80-90% of the housework and childcare and being "in charge of everything".

For me the "being in charge" drives me crazy more than the housework. I could hire someone to houseclean but it really pisses me off that DH can not deal with any of the doctor's appointments, school stuff, childcare arrangements, getting us out of the house on time to get to an activity, the whole list of a thousand things. I have tried to make him do things and have been explicit that this is your responsibility, you take care of it. He will completely forget to do it or drive me nuts asking for line by line instructions.

WTH is up with the DHs doing their own laundry? Mine does this and seems to think it counts as doing laundry. I get to do mine, linens and towels, and all kid clothes. He doesn't want to wah his clothes with the kids because then he would need to sort through to find his stuff when it is dry.

[Anonymous]

He helps tons, but he needs a list. I cannot expect him to "see it" like I would like him too!

[Anonymous]

I am SAH to 3 kids. My dh gets up 45 mins before me and puts together breakfast and school lunch for my eldest, empties d/washer and then gets our 2 yr old twins up for the day (I love him for this!!). I then take over as he goes to work and does the school drop off. I do all cooking and cleaning of bathrooms due to my controlling ways!! He is a huge help with evrything else - no assigned tasks per se but he helps with what needs to be done. I would not have it any other way. I am busy enough with the kids, let alone doing 100% of the housework. We both put time in to keeping the house and yard looking good so we can both have some free time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I stayed home... zero.

When I worked full-time... maybe 5%, but that came with a lot of cursing about my incompetence.

Now that I work part-time... 2% with more cursing. That's an occasional load of laundry-- just the machines, no folding/putting away.

I had a kid who didn't nap and wouldn't play alone until she was 4, so I can appreciate that sometimes SAHMs can pass whole days without having their hands free.

How are you married to my husband?

Sister, you're welcome to him.

Or maybe, instead of requiring him to sneak around, we can join forces in an out-in-the-open polygamous compound? I could use some help around the house...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM and DH does his own laundry, empties the diaper champ, and takes care of all of the household/car things that need to be fixed, but since we live in a condo the household stuff isn't that much. He often offers to cook/clean up, but I decline (at least on weekdays) so he can spend that time with DD before she goes to bed (he also does her bedtime routine). He will also pitch in and help out with anything that I specifically ask.

PP,

I'm not picking on you - just using your line.

So I'm curious as to why men do their own laundry. Isn't that just duplicating efforts? Why not throw all the darks together, for example, which include everyone's clothing?

I had a SAH neighbor who refused do do her husband's laundry. She would only do hers and those of the children.

I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM and DH does his own laundry, empties the diaper champ, and takes care of all of the household/car things that need to be fixed, but since we live in a condo the household stuff isn't that much. He often offers to cook/clean up, but I decline (at least on weekdays) so he can spend that time with DD before she goes to bed (he also does her bedtime routine). He will also pitch in and help out with anything that I specifically ask.

PP,

I'm not picking on you - just using your line.

So I'm curious as to why men do their own laundry. Isn't that just duplicating efforts? Why not throw all the darks together, for example, which include everyone's clothing?

I had a SAH neighbor who refused do do her husband's laundry. She would only do hers and those of the children.

I don't get it.

We do all the laundry together (not the poster you quoted) but it is funny that periodically we threaten to do them separately. This is because I refuse to use those bounce static sheets and DH bitches about it. But I read they are not so great and just introduce more chemicals and I'm trying to limit that stuff.....so we get in these little tiffs. But ultimately I do most of the laundry, those he puts most of it away which is really the bigger chore!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM and DH does his own laundry, empties the diaper champ, and takes care of all of the household/car things that need to be fixed, but since we live in a condo the household stuff isn't that much. He often offers to cook/clean up, but I decline (at least on weekdays) so he can spend that time with DD before she goes to bed (he also does her bedtime routine). He will also pitch in and help out with anything that I specifically ask.

PP,

I'm not picking on you - just using your line.

So I'm curious as to why men do their own laundry. Isn't that just duplicating efforts? Why not throw all the darks together, for example, which include everyone's clothing?

I had a SAH neighbor who refused do do her husband's laundry. She would only do hers and those of the children.

I don't get it.

Maybe it is our circumstances. We live in an apartment building and the laundry is in the basement. DH does his laundry once every 3 weeks and I'mn happy to fold it and put it away but I just hate schlepping everything down to the basement. I don't have a lot of clothing and I'll throw my stuff in with DD's --on our way out the door I can take a small basket with her in the stroller.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM and DH does his own laundry, empties the diaper champ, and takes care of all of the household/car things that need to be fixed, but since we live in a condo the household stuff isn't that much. He often offers to cook/clean up, but I decline (at least on weekdays) so he can spend that time with DD before she goes to bed (he also does her bedtime routine). He will also pitch in and help out with anything that I specifically ask.

PP,

I'm not picking on you - just using your line.

So I'm curious as to why men do their own laundry. Isn't that just duplicating efforts? Why not throw all the darks together, for example, which include everyone's clothing?

I had a SAH neighbor who refused do do her husband's laundry. She would only do hers and those of the children.

I don't get it.

Maybe it is our circumstances. We live in an apartment building and the laundry is in the basement. DH does his laundry once every 3 weeks and I'mn happy to fold it and put it away but I just hate schlepping everything down to the basement. I don't have a lot of clothing and I'll throw my stuff in with DD's --on our way out the door I can take a small basket with her in the stroller.

totally makes sense! I see it now!

[Anonymous]

dh puts away his clothes....that's the only thing he does around the house

[Anonymous]

DH sometimes offers to do his clothes, as if that would help me. It doesn't, because I sort by color, so it would just increase the total number of family loads required. (And he rarely sees a load through from sorting to folding, so it would ultimately add to my workload.) I also don't get why he acknowledges some responsibility for his own clothes but not for DD's, or for the sheets he sleeps in, or the dishtowels he uses to wipe his face (I know!), or any other incidental family textiles whose cleanliness he may have cause to negatively impact during the course of his residence in our home.

[Anonymous]

I do all the family laundry, except my husbands. I tend not to co-mingle clothes of different family members. For me, it's just a pain to separate it all out, especially socks and undies.

I do mine, kids, and towels/sheets, etc. I have never done my husband's because 1) his clothes are gigantic and it's a pain to fold them 2) he is incredibly wasteful and slovenly and probably goes through 3 outfits a day. I'm just not going to do laundry for someone with so little regard for his possessions. Yes, it's a sore point with me, especially because he does his laundry so infrequently and it is usually just in piles all over the bedroom floor. He never has an idea as to what is clean or dirty and tends to treat socks like they are disposable.