My 23 year old son has become suicidal because of borderline girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well start by not blaming his girlfriend for his mental health issues. Healthy people don't do the things he's done. Whether or not they are in an abusive relationship. Denial of his issues will not help him.

DP. Of course, you are right that his girlfriend is not responsible for his mental health issues… and yet, in my experience young adults can easily become enmeshed in all sorts of unhealthy dynamics in tandem with a bad relationship or a break-up. Chances are good there is substance abuse, as well. He absolutely needs emergency help with suicidal ideation, but some break-downs at this age are truly situational. My heart breaks for this mother who is gingerly trying to extract her son from this mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well start by not blaming his girlfriend for his mental health issues. Healthy people don't do the things he's done. Whether or not they are in an abusive relationship. Denial of his issues will not help him.

DP. Of course, you are right that his girlfriend is not responsible for his mental health issues… and yet, in my experience young adults can easily become enmeshed in all sorts of unhealthy dynamics in tandem with a bad relationship or a break-up. Chances are good there is substance abuse, as well. He absolutely needs emergency help with suicidal ideation, but some break-downs at this age are truly situational. My heart breaks for this mother who is gingerly trying to extract her son from this mess.

Agree. The 23yo is vulnerable for whatever reason. I saw plenty of this when I was young. A bad relationship with a toxic person can be a big setback or much worse.

[Anonymous]

OP. You need to accept NOW that the girlfriend is irrelevant to DS’s suicide ideation. The “ cause” is irrelevant. Get him help now.

[Anonymous]

Any updates? Did you see your son today? How was he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. His dad and I are flying out today to be in the area where my son lives. We plan to just be around; no expectations on his time, plenty of other family and friends to see. My son is excited to hike 1 day with his dad, and we have something planned together on another day.

The approach is that we are not here to tell anyone what to do, but we care about him and are available. When I see him I’ll know how he is really doing. But my fear is that the overwhelming needs of the girlfriend are only masked for now, and he’ll get pulled down again ultimately.

I wish I knew how to be there for him.

The gf will try to keep him, because borderlines fear abandonment.

I’m so sorry for your son. I have 1-2 borderlines in my family and they have brought me close to wanting to end it all. Thankfully, I got support and am okay now. I hope your son can get away from this situation.

The restrictions likely loosened up when there was the threat of completely losing a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Any updates, OP? Hope your son is safe and getting help.

[Anonymous]

Has she actually been diagnosed with BPD? I would be very careful not to "blame" the girlfriend in all this--or try to become an "expert" on her mental health issues. It could backfire and get him even more enmeshed in the relationship. Focus on getting him to see a therapist. If he is suicidal, take him to the hospital.