My 23 year old son has become suicidal because of borderline girlfriend

[Anonymous]

If your son has confessed suicidal thoughts then please take action. There’s too much information out there on how to exit this earth and it only takes moments to make a bad decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not the time to "mind your own business" or "stay out of it"

It's okay to intervene and help them get out of that situation to the best of your ability. I have 2 daughters, if either of them were in the situation your son is in, I would drive over to pick them up, pack up all their stuff, leave with them on a trip and then take them home with me, and get them into intensive therapy asap.
This is not to be taken lightly. Their partner is controlling and will not change for good. She is only making small changes right now to control your son.

This is exactly what I am sensing. I tried some different non-threatening to the relationship reasons to get some personal space and reflection time, such as quick trip to visit aging grandparents he adores. No bite yet. Hopefully we will find someway for him to better register what his body and emotions tell him feels right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your son has confessed suicidal thoughts then please take action. There’s too much information out there on how to exit this earth and it only takes moments to make a bad decision.

This is true and what I needed to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was taught that if someone tells you they are suicidal, you believe them. That goes from the first time.

GF aside, your son is displaying signs of serious mental illness. Weight loss, social isolation, scarring, suicidal ideation, a suicide PLAN. This is not self help book territory. This is professional help ASAP territory.

Call a suicide hotline in his area, talk to them and find out local resources for him, including those for abused men.

Thank you! I appreciate what you are saying and it gives me strength.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not the time to "mind your own business" or "stay out of it"

It's okay to intervene and help them get out of that situation to the best of your ability. I have 2 daughters, if either of them were in the situation your son is in, I would drive over to pick them up, pack up all their stuff, leave with them on a trip and then take them home with me, and get them into intensive therapy asap.
This is not to be taken lightly. Their partner is controlling and will not change for good. She is only making small changes right now to control your son.

This is exactly what I am sensing. I tried some different non-threatening to the relationship reasons to get some personal space and reflection time, such as quick trip to visit aging grandparents he adores. No bite yet. Hopefully we will find someway for him to better register what his body and emotions tell him feels right.

This is not the time for “hopes and prayers” or whatever.

Do you really think that someone who is contemplating suicide should be trusted to believe what their emotions are saying is right? Feelings aren’t facts, and he needs someone with the facts to help him act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not the time to "mind your own business" or "stay out of it"

It's okay to intervene and help them get out of that situation to the best of your ability. I have 2 daughters, if either of them were in the situation your son is in, I would drive over to pick them up, pack up all their stuff, leave with them on a trip and then take them home with me, and get them into intensive therapy asap.
This is not to be taken lightly. Their partner is controlling and will not change for good. She is only making small changes right now to control your son.

This is exactly what I am sensing. I tried some different non-threatening to the relationship reasons to get some personal space and reflection time, such as quick trip to visit aging grandparents he adores. No bite yet. Hopefully we will find someway for him to better register what his body and emotions tell him feels right.

This is not the time for “hopes and prayers” or whatever.

Do you really think that someone who is contemplating suicide should be trusted to believe what their emotions are saying is right? Feelings aren’t facts, and he needs someone with the facts to help him act.

True. And yet my son is an adult. If he is not suicidal or threatening harm to anyone imminently, can I detain him and just take him home? He has to agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not the time to "mind your own business" or "stay out of it"

It's okay to intervene and help them get out of that situation to the best of your ability. I have 2 daughters, if either of them were in the situation your son is in, I would drive over to pick them up, pack up all their stuff, leave with them on a trip and then take them home with me, and get them into intensive therapy asap.
This is not to be taken lightly. Their partner is controlling and will not change for good. She is only making small changes right now to control your son.

This is exactly what I am sensing. I tried some different non-threatening to the relationship reasons to get some personal space and reflection time, such as quick trip to visit aging grandparents he adores. No bite yet. Hopefully we will find someway for him to better register what his body and emotions tell him feels right.

This is not the time for “hopes and prayers” or whatever.

Do you really think that someone who is contemplating suicide should be trusted to believe what their emotions are saying is right? Feelings aren’t facts, and he needs someone with the facts to help him act.

True. And yet my son is an adult. If he is not suicidal or threatening harm to anyone imminently, can I detain him and just take him home? He has to agree.

What do you assume is not suicidal about “ There was evidence of cutting on his wrists and he told a family member he had a suicide plan”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not the time to "mind your own business" or "stay out of it"

It's okay to intervene and help them get out of that situation to the best of your ability. I have 2 daughters, if either of them were in the situation your son is in, I would drive over to pick them up, pack up all their stuff, leave with them on a trip and then take them home with me, and get them into intensive therapy asap.
This is not to be taken lightly. Their partner is controlling and will not change for good. She is only making small changes right now to control your son.

This is exactly what I am sensing. I tried some different non-threatening to the relationship reasons to get some personal space and reflection time, such as quick trip to visit aging grandparents he adores. No bite yet. Hopefully we will find someway for him to better register what his body and emotions tell him feels right.

This is not the time for “hopes and prayers” or whatever.

Do you really think that someone who is contemplating suicide should be trusted to believe what their emotions are saying is right? Feelings aren’t facts, and he needs someone with the facts to help him act.

True. And yet my son is an adult. If he is not suicidal or threatening harm to anyone imminently, can I detain him and just take him home? He has to agree.

What do you assume is not suicidal about “ There was evidence of cutting on his wrists and he told a family member he had a suicide plan”?

It’s just that I witnessed another friend’s situation where an adult child was involuntarily committed for a 72 hour watch period. The young adult played along, said they would consider meds or therapy, then back out to the same destructive path. I need the lines of communication open. But I will definitely give him the crisis response team phone number.

I really appreciate everyone’s comments here. Thank you

[Anonymous]

From WebMD. I mean, just in your short posts I see 6 or 7 of these:

Severe sadness or moodiness. Long-lasting sadness, mood swings, and unexpected rage.

Hopelessness. Feeling a deep sense of hopelessness about the future, with little expectation that circumstances can improve.

Sleep problems.

Sudden calmness. Suddenly becoming calm after a period of depression or moodiness can be a sign that the person has made a decision to end their life.

Withdrawal. Choosing to be alone and avoiding friends or social activities also are possible symptoms of depression, a leading cause of suicide. This includes the loss of interest or pleasure in activities the person previously enjoyed.

Changes in personality or appearance. A person who is considering suicide might exhibit a change in attitude or behavior, such as speaking or moving with unusual speed or slowness. In addition, the person might suddenly become less concerned about their personal appearance.

Dangerous or self-harmful behavior. Potentially dangerous behavior, such as reckless driving, engaging in unsafe sex, and increased use of drugs or alcohol, might indicate that the person no longer values their life.

Recent trauma or life crisis. A major life crises might trigger a suicide attempt. Crises include the death of a loved one or pet, the end of a relationship, diagnosis of a major illness, loss of a job, or serious financial problems.

Making preparations. Often, a person considering suicide will begin to put their personal business in order. This might include visiting friends and family members, giving away personal possessions, making a will, and cleaning up their room or home. Some people will write a note before taking their own life. Some will buy a firearm or other means like poison.

Threatening or talking about suicide. From 50% to 75% of those considering suicide will give someone -- a friend or relative -- a warning sign. It may not be an outright threat. They may talk an unusual amount about death or say things like “It would be better if I wasn’t here.” However, not everyone who is considering suicide will say so, and not everyone who threatens suicide will follow through with it. Every threat of suicide should be taken seriously.

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/recognizing-suicidal-behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From WebMD. I mean, just in your short posts I see 6 or 7 of these:

Severe sadness or moodiness. Long-lasting sadness, mood swings, and unexpected rage.

Hopelessness. Feeling a deep sense of hopelessness about the future, with little expectation that circumstances can improve.

Sleep problems.

Sudden calmness. Suddenly becoming calm after a period of depression or moodiness can be a sign that the person has made a decision to end their life.

Withdrawal. Choosing to be alone and avoiding friends or social activities also are possible symptoms of depression, a leading cause of suicide. This includes the loss of interest or pleasure in activities the person previously enjoyed.

Changes in personality or appearance. A person who is considering suicide might exhibit a change in attitude or behavior, such as speaking or moving with unusual speed or slowness. In addition, the person might suddenly become less concerned about their personal appearance.

Dangerous or self-harmful behavior. Potentially dangerous behavior, such as reckless driving, engaging in unsafe sex, and increased use of drugs or alcohol, might indicate that the person no longer values their life.

Recent trauma or life crisis. A major life crises might trigger a suicide attempt. Crises include the death of a loved one or pet, the end of a relationship, diagnosis of a major illness, loss of a job, or serious financial problems.

Making preparations. Often, a person considering suicide will begin to put their personal business in order. This might include visiting friends and family members, giving away personal possessions, making a will, and cleaning up their room or home. Some people will write a note before taking their own life. Some will buy a firearm or other means like poison.

Threatening or talking about suicide. From 50% to 75% of those considering suicide will give someone -- a friend or relative -- a warning sign. It may not be an outright threat. They may talk an unusual amount about death or say things like “It would be better if I wasn’t here.” However, not everyone who is considering suicide will say so, and not everyone who threatens suicide will follow through with it. Every threat of suicide should be taken seriously.

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/recognizing-suicidal-behavior

Thank you for posting this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not the time to "mind your own business" or "stay out of it"

It's okay to intervene and help them get out of that situation to the best of your ability. I have 2 daughters, if either of them were in the situation your son is in, I would drive over to pick them up, pack up all their stuff, leave with them on a trip and then take them home with me, and get them into intensive therapy asap.
This is not to be taken lightly. Their partner is controlling and will not change for good. She is only making small changes right now to control your son.

I kind of agree with this. He's 23, not 33. He just had a mental health crisis. It depends on your relationship I guess, but at this age I think my parents would have absolutely shown up and at the very least have a really serious talk. Sometimes people don't want to acknowledge what they really need to do or are stuck. My own SIL was in a relationship with some loser in her 30's. Long story short, but my husband and his brother showed up, packed her up, told the guy to scram and not call her anymore, etc. and moved her back with her parents. I don't think she told them that's what she wanted, but it was pretty well agreed it was needed.

[Anonymous]

I work for a domestic violence organization. Keep the communication lines open. Don't tell him what to do or else he will shut you out. Try to fold in statements about what healthy relationships are. Here are some great tips on talking to your child. https://www.loveisrespect.org/supporting-others-dating-abuse/supporting-your-child/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work for a domestic violence organization. Keep the communication lines open. Don't tell him what to do or else he will shut you out. Try to fold in statements about what healthy relationships are. Here are some great tips on talking to your child. https://www.loveisrespect.org/supporting-others-dating-abuse/supporting-your-child/

OP here. Found this website in educating myself. It is a fantastic resource and one I intend to share. Thank you. I appreciate your guidance in my current situation.

Actually every poster helped me a lot. Your words will be with me when I see my son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was taught that if someone tells you they are suicidal, you believe them. That goes from the first time.

GF aside, your son is displaying signs of serious mental illness. Weight loss, social isolation, scarring, suicidal ideation, a suicide PLAN. This is not self help book territory. This is professional help ASAP territory.

Call a suicide hotline in his area, talk to them and find out local resources for him, including those for abused men.

+1

Focus on his health.

[Anonymous]

Can you not put him under a 51/50 just to get him some psychiatric assessment and care away from her?