SIL travels with her own cocktails

[Anonymous]

Your SIL is probably fine and you should accommodate her easy preference. A lot of people don’t like wine or beer but enjoy a cocktail.

My FIL brings his own liquor (even though we have plenty) and drinks a whole container over the course of a night. *That’s* problematic behavior, your SIL isn’t displaying the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this weird? My family are wine drinkers. If we all hang out together, usually there is beer or wine. We had a Memorial Day barbecue weekend last night and she brought a thermos of her own premixed gin and tonic. She says wine and beer give her a headache. Wouldn't you just not drink in this case, instead of BYO to a family gathering where it isn't offered?? I wonder about saying something to my brother just to check in. Like why would you travel with your own booze thermos??!

I think it’s weird your family hasn’t accommodated her tastes. I can’t imagine not having what makes my SIL feel included available for her. Especially if it’s as simple as gin & tonic.

+1

I think your family is weird. Alcohol lasts for at least a year or two. Y’all know what she drinks. Buy some.

[Anonymous]

A woman at our preschool brought her kid a rice krispy treat when everyone else was enjoying peanut cookies! Does this mean her kid is addicted to sugar or has some kind of issue? She said peanuts make the kid swell up but that is what is offered and they say no but why bring her own treat?!

[Anonymous]

The first few years I was with my now DW, her family only served beer at events. I drink wine.

I remember how touched I was the first time they had a bottle of wine for me.

Buy some gin and tonic, OP.

[Anonymous]

Why do you want her alone to go sober while providing alcohol to everyone else? Is she not allowed to relax due to a common sensitivity?

[Anonymous]

Sounds very tasty on a hot day. Can’t think of anything better than a stiff G&T! Wish I had thought of it. Can you post what type of gin she likes🇬🇧? She probably has very good taste in gin if she travels with her own mix

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you have gin and tonic at your family bbq

They don't consider her part of the family. This is so common and so harmful. This is the source of almost all in-law problems.

[Anonymous]

Wine and beer give me headaches too!! I typically bring a pitcher of something to share but no one else really wants any.

And most backyard bbqs are byob. I think the phrase byob started just for bbqs!

Why are you all serving gun cocktails sometimes? I try to think of my guests preferences when hosting.

[Anonymous]

Given what OP describes, if this is a red flag it would be for an eating disorder rather than an alcohol problem. I’ve had friends who would only drink cocktails with diet mixers for calorie reasons. It does not sound like problematic behavior absent other indications.

OP, hoping that the idea of purchasing alcohol that only your SIL likes in order to have it available to offer her during visits just hadn’t occurred to you before. That’s okay! Not all cultures would have that be a standard response. But, it would be a kind thing to do and probably make her feel more welcome and comfortable at family events, and given her preferences, does not seem especially inconvenient or expensive to accommodate. Hopefully this thread will encourage you to purchase a bottle of gin (ask your brother what she likes) and keep some bottles of tonic around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given what OP describes, if this is a red flag it would be for an eating disorder rather than an alcohol problem. I’ve had friends who would only drink cocktails with diet mixers for calorie reasons. It does not sound like problematic behavior absent other indications.

OP, hoping that the idea of purchasing alcohol that only your SIL likes in order to have it available to offer her during visits just hadn’t occurred to you before. That’s okay! Not all cultures would have that be a standard response. But, it would be a kind thing to do and probably make her feel more welcome and comfortable at family events, and given her preferences, does not seem especially inconvenient or expensive to accommodate. Hopefully this thread will encourage you to purchase a bottle of gin (ask your brother what she likes) and keep some bottles of tonic around.

…?

In what universe is watching calories a red flag for an “eating disorder”? My mom was told by her doctor that she was pre-diabetic. She’s allowed to drink alcohol in moderation. What works for her is one serving of diet tonic and either gin or vodka. At a casual (and allegedly family) BBQ event, why not bring something of your own if you either don’t like or can’t have what’s on offer? My mom would have her one diet cocktail, then fills up a plate with mostly vegetables and protein. She enjoys the BBQ experience without needing a beer or a bun. Let people live. Jesus. Why do we have to assign “disorders” to every little thing?

[Anonymous]

Wait- watching alcohol calories is an eating disorder?! Wtf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You see your SIL as an outsider and not as a family member at a casual family gathering. Got it.

I like my BIL so we keep his favorite hard cider stocked.

Yeah, I think this is true. What better way to tell someone, without speaking it aloud , that you're not welcome by not making an accommodation, especially when it's so easy to do?

[Anonymous]

OP, it is only a red flag if it is a non-drinking party and a guest brings their own alcohol to drink.

It is simply rude to expect a guest to eat and/or drink only what you are willing to serve them if they have dietary restrictions. And getting headaches from wine and beer is a very real thing.

My favor comment and best analogy was the poster who said it's like expecting a vegetarian to eat the meat served or abstain.

[Anonymous]

Wine triggers my migraines, beer gives me diarrhea. Vodka and gin don’t have negative effects. Why wouldn’t I bring them to a family gathering where everyone else is drinking, but drinking something else?

[Anonymous]

I am prone to migraines and beer and wine are a trigger. I understand that she wants to have a drink too if everyone is having something.