SIL travels with her own cocktails

[Anonymous]

Is this weird? My family are wine drinkers. If we all hang out together, usually there is beer or wine. We had a Memorial Day barbecue weekend last night and she brought a thermos of her own premixed gin and tonic. She says wine and beer give her a headache. Wouldn't you just not drink in this case, instead of BYO to a family gathering where it isn't offered?? I wonder about saying something to my brother just to check in. Like why would you travel with your own booze thermos??!

[Anonymous]

I kind of want to hang out with your SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this weird? My family are wine drinkers. If we all hang out together, usually there is beer or wine. We had a Memorial Day barbecue weekend last night and she brought a thermos of her own premixed gin and tonic. She says wine and beer give her a headache. Wouldn't you just not drink in this case, instead of BYO to a family gathering where it isn't offered?? I wonder about saying something to my brother just to check in. Like why would you travel with your own booze thermos??!

I think it’s weird your family hasn’t accommodated her tastes. I can’t imagine not having what makes my SIL feel included available for her. Especially if it’s as simple as gin & tonic.

[Anonymous]

I do this all the time. I like diet tonic - no one ever has that.

[Anonymous]

Makes sense to me. I see no issue me.

[Anonymous]

Because beer and wine give her a headache or she’s an alcoholic. I also don’t do well with wine or beer, and if I want a drink I like a mixed one with a vodka or gin base - those sit okay. I don’t care a lot about drinking, so I will have a soda if there’s nothing else. Since you’re too cheap to provide some other alcohol at your family parties, why are you worrying about her BYOB?

[Anonymous]

OP to be clear she does not show other indications of being a problem drinker, but this seemed like a red flag to me.

[Anonymous]

What’s weird is that you ignore her preferences when you host her.

[Anonymous]

I mean, if she's just bringing her own drink to a party where other people will be drinking but not serving what she likes, sure. This would be weird to make a big deal out of.

If she were getting trashed and tripping over furniture, that's an absolutely different matter entirely. Or if it were a known teetotalling family, and she was being in your face about it, that would be rude.

But just bringing what she likes? Nah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP to be clear she does not show other indications of being a problem drinker, but this seemed like a red flag to me.

Not a red flag. No different than a vegan showing up to a barbecue with something they can eat. You seriously prefer that she just abstain rather than bring what she wants? That’s rude.

[Anonymous]

You’re a massive hypocrite: you drink alcohol and serve it, but you are judging her for consuming alcohol?

I don’t drink often, but if I’m going to, I’m not going to waste the calories on beer (which I don’t like). She doesn’t like what’s on offer at a *casual event with family,* so she brings her own. No big whoop.

What’s weird is your hyper-fixation on her. Let her live. Get a life and then you won’t focus on her so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this weird? My family are wine drinkers. If we all hang out together, usually there is beer or wine. We had a Memorial Day barbecue weekend last night and she brought a thermos of her own premixed gin and tonic. She says wine and beer give her a headache. Wouldn't you just not drink in this case, instead of BYO to a family gathering where it isn't offered?? I wonder about saying something to my brother just to check in. Like why would you travel with your own booze thermos??!

I think it’s weird your family hasn’t accommodated her tastes. I can’t imagine not having what makes my SIL feel included available for her. Especially if it’s as simple as gin & tonic.

+1. My husband gets headaches from certain types of beer, and so my dad makes sure to have non-hoppy beer on hand so that my husband can enjoy a beer without getting a headache.

I’m so embarrassed at you for not realizing that a good hostess makes easy swaps and fixes where or when they can, especially if what’s being served would give someone a headache. I’d be happy to provide alternate food or beverage for my BIL if something I routinely served gave him a headache.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s weird is that you ignore her preferences when you host her.

+1

Why not just get gin and tonic? They are so easy to keep in a cabinet (get the mini tonic bottles or cans). As it is, you are showing you can’t be bothered to include her. Her gesture could suggest trying to not make a big deal of this, that she is extremely rigid (like you) or that she is stressed by your gatherings of which this is one symptom to the point that having a cocktail takes the edge off. Or, if the thermos is very large and/or she is visibly drunk at the gatherings that could indicate problematic drinking. But you have only given us engineer information to judge you, not her.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others that there is nothing wrong with this at all. Like, at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s weird is that you ignore her preferences when you host her.

+1

Why not just get gin and tonic? They are so easy to keep in a cabinet (get the mini tonic bottles or cans). As it is, you are showing you can’t be bothered to include her. Her gesture could suggest trying to not make a big deal of this, that she is extremely rigid (like you) or that she is stressed by your gatherings of which this is one symptom to the point that having a cocktail takes the edge off. Or, if the thermos is very large and/or she is visibly drunk at the gatherings that could indicate problematic drinking. But you have only given us engineer information to judge you, not her.

Enough not engineer, sorry