Working parents – Why does not feel like it’s getting better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you work from home and your kids are at school, why is your house a mess? Throw in a load of laundry while on a call or dump some stuff in the Crock Pot (use a liner so it's easy to clean).

NP and this dismissive, unthinking kind of attitude is part of the whole problem. Have you not been listening to people saying the constant neverending blurring of work and home life is a huge part of the problem? Advising people worn out from constant multitasking to multitask is really tone deaf (to put it kindly).

Making dinner or running the washing machine is not the problem. We make dinner as a family so it’s usually a time we all catch up.

Folding the laundry is one of the ever present todo items — we seem to Always have two loads to fold; even when we have kids rewear things (if they remember) and we basically sleep in our leisure wear that we wear the next day. Likewise dishes. It’s not the crock pot, it’s the Tupperware from 3 lunches, dishes for 2-3 meals, etc.

I like the idea of just ignoring it, but I see it every time I walk to get coffee or water. I know we handled it before, I just feel way more worn down by it.

This doesn't resolve the bigger issues ik, but specifically about the coffee and water, could you setup a coffee and refreshment cart near your workspace? Then you'd be stepping into the kitchen far less. -np

Their workplace probably is the kitchen or a section of the living room.

[Anonymous]

What about taking a laptop in to the garden or use the garage, attic, basement, shed or spare bedroom ?

I am going to assume that everyone here is middle class and owns a detached home large enough to create a home office that would allow some work home separation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you work from home and your kids are at school, why is your house a mess? Throw in a load of laundry while on a call or dump some stuff in the Crock Pot (use a liner so it's easy to clean).

Because all my calls are video calls and I don't have time for house cleaning and cooking breaks. Are you serious?

I worked from home for a year and instead of a 60-90 minute commute, I had that time to get chores done instead of waiting until the weekends to do them. I miss that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about taking a laptop in to the garden or use the garage, attic, basement, shed or spare bedroom ?

I am going to assume that everyone here is middle class and owns a detached home large enough to create a home office that would allow some work home separation.

A middle-class person in this area cannot afford a house with a garage. Lol!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about taking a laptop in to the garden or use the garage, attic, basement, shed or spare bedroom ?

I am going to assume that everyone here is middle class and owns a detached home large enough to create a home office that would allow some work home separation.

This is quite an assumption! Many people live in rowhomes and townhomes. We don't have any of the above available. I think we are middle class but this area is very expensive. I work at either the table in our open living/dining room, or a small table in my bedroom. Garden is nice if good weather, but glare makes it hard to see screen most of the time.

Perhaps if my salary doubled, I could get a detached home, and then i wouldn't be so tired anymore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you work from home and your kids are at school, why is your house a mess? Throw in a load of laundry while on a call or dump some stuff in the Crock Pot (use a liner so it's easy to clean).

NP and this dismissive, unthinking kind of attitude is part of the whole problem. Have you not been listening to people saying the constant neverending blurring of work and home life is a huge part of the problem? Advising people worn out from constant multitasking to multitask is really tone deaf (to put it kindly).

Making dinner or running the washing machine is not the problem. We make dinner as a family so it’s usually a time we all catch up.

Folding the laundry is one of the ever present todo items — we seem to Always have two loads to fold; even when we have kids rewear things (if they remember) and we basically sleep in our leisure wear that we wear the next day. Likewise dishes. It’s not the crock pot, it’s the Tupperware from 3 lunches, dishes for 2-3 meals, etc.

I like the idea of just ignoring it, but I see it every time I walk to get coffee or water. I know we handled it before, I just feel way more worn down by it.

This doesn't resolve the bigger issues ik, but specifically about the coffee and water, could you setup a coffee and refreshment cart near your workspace? Then you'd be stepping into the kitchen far less. -np

Their workplace probably is the kitchen or a section of the living room.

My office became a playroom. We desperately needed a playroom when the pandemic started. Kids were little, we had another pandemic baby and we needed a place for all their toys, magnatiles and pretend play. We'd take turns- one adult in there and the other adult on a laptop far far away. My workspace is definitely anywhere my kids aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you work from home and your kids are at school, why is your house a mess? Throw in a load of laundry while on a call or dump some stuff in the Crock Pot (use a liner so it's easy to clean).

Because all my calls are video calls and I don't have time for house cleaning and cooking breaks. Are you serious?

I worked from home for a year and instead of a 60-90 minute commute, I had that time to get chores done instead of waiting until the weekends to do them. I miss that.

For me I didn't get extra chore time because the tradeoff was less childcare. Now it's kind of hard to believe I just never saw my kids until 5 PM on weekdays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about taking a laptop in to the garden or use the garage, attic, basement, shed or spare bedroom ?

I am going to assume that everyone here is middle class and owns a detached home large enough to create a home office that would allow some work home separation.

This is quite an assumption! Many people live in rowhomes and townhomes. We don't have any of the above available. I think we are middle class but this area is very expensive. I work at either the table in our open living/dining room, or a small table in my bedroom. Garden is nice if good weather, but glare makes it hard to see screen most of the time.

Perhaps if my salary doubled, I could get a detached home, and then i wouldn't be so tired anymore?

We moved to a bigger house (pandemic purchase) and now there's more space to spread out and work - but more to clean too...

[Anonymous]

Because a sizeable chunk of us have kids under 5 and we are invisible and forgotten. No vaccine forthcoming, but the most stringent illness and quarantine requirements, still expected to work like nothing is different, and the rest of the world has largely moved on.

[Anonymous]

The amount of angst cause by dishes and laundry is astounding. It doesn’t matter. In 10 years it won’t matter. Change the things you can and accept those you cannot. Focus on what matters and your life will improve 10 fold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because a sizeable chunk of us have kids under 5 and we are invisible and forgotten. No vaccine forthcoming, but the most stringent illness and quarantine requirements, still expected to work like nothing is different, and the rest of the world has largely moved on.

This 100%.

I am grateful for having young kids during the height of the pandemic and not having to deal with online schooling.....but two years in, our daycare kicks out kids with Covid for 10 days. And there was always a reasonable sick requirement....but now every slight fever or runny nose or cough (i.e. all winter long) and you are asked to stay home for 48 hours.

Not to mention covid exposure (false) scares and whole classrooms plus sibling classroom shut downs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you work from home and your kids are at school, why is your house a mess? Throw in a load of laundry while on a call or dump some stuff in the Crock Pot (use a liner so it's easy to clean).

Because all my calls are video calls and I don't have time for house cleaning and cooking breaks. Are you serious?

I worked from home for a year and instead of a 60-90 minute commute, I had that time to get chores done instead of waiting until the weekends to do them. I miss that.

Well, yeah, that's awful. We have a tiny rundown house with so-so schools, but we had 30 min commutes so it really wasn't that much of a time saver to WFH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you work from home and your kids are at school, why is your house a mess? Throw in a load of laundry while on a call or dump some stuff in the Crock Pot (use a liner so it's easy to clean).

Because all my calls are video calls and I don't have time for house cleaning and cooking breaks. Are you serious?

I worked from home for a year and instead of a 60-90 minute commute, I had that time to get chores done instead of waiting until the weekends to do them. I miss that.

For me I didn't get extra chore time because the tradeoff was less childcare. Now it's kind of hard to believe I just never saw my kids until 5 PM on weekdays.

Oh seriously, having everyone home, even if one is only in and out while WFH, is amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The amount of angst cause by dishes and laundry is astounding. It doesn’t matter. In 10 years it won’t matter. Change the things you can and accept those you cannot. Focus on what matters and your life will improve 10 fold.

That $hit matters if you have a spouse: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because a sizeable chunk of us have kids under 5 and we are invisible and forgotten. No vaccine forthcoming, but the most stringent illness and quarantine requirements, still expected to work like nothing is different, and the rest of the world has largely moved on.

This 100%.

I am grateful for having young kids during the height of the pandemic and not having to deal with online schooling.....but two years in, our daycare kicks out kids with Covid for 10 days. And there was always a reasonable sick requirement....but now every slight fever or runny nose or cough (i.e. all winter long) and you are asked to stay home for 48 hours.

Not to mention covid exposure (false) scares and whole classrooms plus sibling classroom shut downs.

I am the PP you are responding to and this was our experience so we got a nanny last fall. I am grateful we were able to and it saved our sanity but there are trade offs, too,mainly the isolation.

So we are trying to do a swim class and other things. Even when DD was in day care two weeks out of the month there was an element of isolation.

I was grateful for no online schooling but the under 5 crowd has just NEVER had good options. Only not great or not bad options.

And there is just NO END IN SIGHT for this weird Twilight Zone existence