Working parents – Why does not feel like it’s getting better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you work from home and your kids are at school, why is your house a mess? Throw in a load of laundry while on a call or dump some stuff in the Crock Pot (use a liner so it's easy to clean).

NP and this dismissive, unthinking kind of attitude is part of the whole problem. Have you not been listening to people saying the constant neverending blurring of work and home life is a huge part of the problem? Advising people worn out from constant multitasking to multitask is really tone deaf (to put it kindly).

Making dinner or running the washing machine is not the problem. We make dinner as a family so it’s usually a time we all catch up.

Folding the laundry is one of the ever present todo items — we seem to Always have two loads to fold; even when we have kids rewear things (if they remember) and we basically sleep in our leisure wear that we wear the next day. Likewise dishes. It’s not the crock pot, it’s the Tupperware from 3 lunches, dishes for 2-3 meals, etc.

I like the idea of just ignoring it, but I see it every time I walk to get coffee or water. I know we handled it before, I just feel way more worn down by it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same. I drained a lot of PTO due to lack of childcare, illness, and then moving during the pandemic and still haven't had a chance to take enough of a break to recharge. We've been in our new house for two years this summer and it still looks like we just moved in. My family of origin also fell apart over the past two years and I went from having my parents as a support system to zero support at all - which happens to everyone eventually but amidst everything else I'm really reeling. The way I describe it is I was in a hole nearly six feet under, and even though I've crawled almost all the way out, it's still the same hole and still feels like a hole. I wake up in the morning and the work is still there and the expectations for getting it done don't change.

Me. Too. All this, even the move detail.

Me three, with the move detail and the family of origin falling apart detail. We also transitioned from preschool/nanny to kindergarten/no nanny in the last year, and I didn't fully appreciate how much she did as far as laundry, basic house upkeep, and feeding my kids. It feels like I should have more time for this without a commute, but I'm somehow working all the time and not at all and, on top of it, I'm exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Idk. I’m not having any particular covid related issues but I’m still feeling pretty drained.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you work from home and your kids are at school, why is your house a mess? Throw in a load of laundry while on a call or dump some stuff in the Crock Pot (use a liner so it's easy to clean).

NP and this dismissive, unthinking kind of attitude is part of the whole problem. Have you not been listening to people saying the constant neverending blurring of work and home life is a huge part of the problem? Advising people worn out from constant multitasking to multitask is really tone deaf (to put it kindly).

Making dinner or running the washing machine is not the problem. We make dinner as a family so it’s usually a time we all catch up.

Folding the laundry is one of the ever present todo items — we seem to Always have two loads to fold; even when we have kids rewear things (if they remember) and we basically sleep in our leisure wear that we wear the next day. Likewise dishes. It’s not the crock pot, it’s the Tupperware from 3 lunches, dishes for 2-3 meals, etc.

I like the idea of just ignoring it, but I see it every time I walk to get coffee or water. I know we handled it before, I just feel way more worn down by it.

I always think that I can/should do some household chore while "on a call," but have discovered that most calls require me to be attentive to what is being shared on the screen, or to be able to consult my own files/emails while on a call to contribute or answer questions (and those are the calls where I'm not on video). I have maybe 2 calls a week where I can really be in listen-only mode and do a household chore. I enjoy that bit of multitasking - but there aren't too many opportunities for it.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if the commute, that forced time alone in the car, might have been therapeutic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 15:28, and I agree that endless WFH adds to the stress. I love my DH, but we both need interaction with co-workers at least a few days/week. I don’t want to be working from the couch all the time (our house isn’t big enough for a proper office) - it’s harder to relax when not working.

The other thing I’ve found hard is the pandemic revealed the staggering contempt so many people have towards working mothers (school isn’t daycare, I’m looking at you), and that’s been hard to move past.

It paled in comparison to, and was largely a reaction to, the staggering contempt for teachers. Settle down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 15:28, and I agree that endless WFH adds to the stress. I love my DH, but we both need interaction with co-workers at least a few days/week. I don’t want to be working from the couch all the time (our house isn’t big enough for a proper office) - it’s harder to relax when not working.

The other thing I’ve found hard is the pandemic revealed the staggering contempt so many people have towards working mothers (school isn’t daycare, I’m looking at you), and that’s been hard to move past.

It paled in comparison to, and was largely a reaction to, the staggering contempt for teachers. Settle down.

DP. No it was bad and there’s no excuse. But to the PP - let it go off your back. It was a nonsensical argument. Schools have a custodial function and for good reason. The learning is better when the kids are there together and with the teachers. That is proven.

[Anonymous]

I’m so glad I’m not the only person who feels this way. I am totally burnt out.

I will say therapy for me and going back to work a few days in person has helped a lot. The commute alone time, socializing with coworkers, and being forced to get on a better schedule and get ready have helped
Immensely.

[Anonymous]

It just doesn’t feel like this is “it”. You get into a rhythm and then something changes. We keep getting told we’ll go back to the office and then all of the sudden that changes. Our kids schools were going to go remote based on number of cases and then suddenly that was dropped. DH is back at the office one day a week but it feels like things could change at any minute. It is just hard to find your footing when the ground is constantly shifting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same. I drained a lot of PTO due to lack of childcare, illness, and then moving during the pandemic and still haven't had a chance to take enough of a break to recharge. We've been in our new house for two years this summer and it still looks like we just moved in. My family of origin also fell apart over the past two years and I went from having my parents as a support system to zero support at all - which happens to everyone eventually but amidst everything else I'm really reeling. The way I describe it is I was in a hole nearly six feet under, and even though I've crawled almost all the way out, it's still the same hole and still feels like a hole. I wake up in the morning and the work is still there and the expectations for getting it done don't change.

I relate to this so much. We moved twice during the pandemic and are still not fully moved in. My husband is a freelancer and lost a lot of work and income so we moved in with family to save on rent. Then I got a new job with a significant salary increase so we could afford our own place again. Right after we moved we went into the most intense part of the pandemic with our kids ages 3,6. DH and I sharing a tiny office. Meanwhile all of my colleagues are either childless women or men aged 55+ with SAH partners or fully grown or teenage children. Just when I thought this year we might catch our breath, my chronic illnesses flared up in a big way, then DH and I got COVID and had to isolate again. I’ve had to spend a lot of time working from bed, taking PTO or scaling back on work for dr appointments, treatments, rest. The sad thing is no one seems to notice or care, everyone else palpably exhausted too after the past few years. There is a collective feeling of exhaustion, depression, indifference.

[Anonymous]

We had it extremely easy in comparison with my always having worked from home and a nanny. Plus right in the middle of it all, I had a second child so I had maternity leave.

My problem is being too comfortable not socializing and loving DH working from home. It’s hard for me to even go out to dinner or see a friend. It’s so much work!! Or feels like so much work. Driving is a hassle; wearing make-up is a hassle; wearing heels is agony. I never used to feel this way. And although DH is stillness working from home, his business travel is increasing and I feel paralyzed with fear at caring for my two kids alone at night when nanny goes home.

I really feel like I lost something in these last two years that hasn’t automatically come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you work from home and your kids are at school, why is your house a mess? Throw in a load of laundry while on a call or dump some stuff in the Crock Pot (use a liner so it's easy to clean).

Because all my calls are video calls and I don't have time for house cleaning and cooking breaks. Are you serious?

[Anonymous]

Your life is back to normal. Our kids are still in virtual school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you work from home and your kids are at school, why is your house a mess? Throw in a load of laundry while on a call or dump some stuff in the Crock Pot (use a liner so it's easy to clean).

You sound retired and have no idea how this works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you work from home and your kids are at school, why is your house a mess? Throw in a load of laundry while on a call or dump some stuff in the Crock Pot (use a liner so it's easy to clean).

NP and this dismissive, unthinking kind of attitude is part of the whole problem. Have you not been listening to people saying the constant neverending blurring of work and home life is a huge part of the problem? Advising people worn out from constant multitasking to multitask is really tone deaf (to put it kindly).

Making dinner or running the washing machine is not the problem. We make dinner as a family so it’s usually a time we all catch up.

Folding the laundry is one of the ever present todo items — we seem to Always have two loads to fold; even when we have kids rewear things (if they remember) and we basically sleep in our leisure wear that we wear the next day. Likewise dishes. It’s not the crock pot, it’s the Tupperware from 3 lunches, dishes for 2-3 meals, etc.

I like the idea of just ignoring it, but I see it every time I walk to get coffee or water. I know we handled it before, I just feel way more worn down by it.

This doesn't resolve the bigger issues ik, but specifically about the coffee and water, could you setup a coffee and refreshment cart near your workspace? Then you'd be stepping into the kitchen far less. -np