How to convince daughter not to follow her boyfriend to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know Davidson is not her legitimate (excluding the BF factor) choice?

Seriously? I’m not the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Davidson is an incredible school and the students there are very happy. I think if she goes there, it’s unlikely she and the boyfriend will last (don’t let her take a car!). It’s probably fine.

I'm the PP with a DC at Davidson. They actually Uber to Charlotte regularly, for concerts, games, etc. So a lack of car on campus won't prevent them from seeing each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if either has a car, but if not, even the distance between Charlotte and Davidson will prevent routine visits. Tell her they will see each other less often than they think. Given that, it shouldn’t matter where the two go to school, and they can see each other on their breaks.

Also, she seems like the brighter of the two. UNC Charlotte is no where near Amherst and Davidson academically. Is she sure she’s ready to hook her wagon to this guy?

So smug. You know nothing about this young man. Nothing. I hate to break it to you that branch campuses at state universities are also filled with really bright people.

Smug or not, it may be a good reason to get her to choose Amherst. Put less smugly, “Honey, you’re eighteen and just starting to understand what the world offers and what you want to do with your life. If Johnny is the right one for you, don’t you think he’ll understand your decision, whatever it is?”

PP here. Don’t get me wrong. I’m fully against any 18 year old choosing a college because HS BF or GF will be nearby. I certainly would not have done that, and don’t want my kids to. But the arrogance of the prior poster supposing the Amherst/Davidson girl is out the guy’s league academically wreaks of smug elitism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know Davidson is not her legitimate (excluding the BF factor) choice?

Seriously? I’m not the OP.

Yes, seriously. Lots of smart people I know would choose Davidson over Amherst. Not all, maybe not even a majority, but it’s not a patently irrational choice.

[Anonymous]

I drove by Amherst while visiting UMass and said- wow, what is that school? Nice!

I will admit though, I'm a technology executive and Ive never heard of either of these schools until this year. Granted I hire primarily stem talent but still. People assume these schools are more well known than they are. I am not a spring chicken.

That said, strategies because if you really think she liked Amherst better and is changing to be with boy is to say she can transfer in one year if she wants or refuse to allow the davidson one.

How much do you like this boy for her? Most HS romances fail. But if you think they make a really good match maybe just let it go and go to Paris once a year with the 8K. It probably wont matter much int the end. I have to say Amherst was freezing when we were there two weeks ago. Its snowed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forget which school is ranked higher on USNR. It's just a really bad move to follow a boyfriend. What happens if - when - they breakup, how happy will she be at Davidson then? And what will it mean for her studies and her college experience if she's tethered to a HS boyfriend down the road?

I'm sure she'll be fine. I expected this to be about some actually following her bf, as in to the same college. Davidson is a good school and IIRC they're about 30-45 minutes apart. Not like she'll be seeing him on campus if they don't last. This is a pretty small deal.

+1 It's unlikely they will be glued together given the distance between schools. I agree with the person who said to say your piece once and let her choose.

This!! I thought the same. Davidson and Amherst are roughly equivalent and I can easily see someone preferring to live in NC vs Massachusetts.

And, she preferred the vibe. That’s fine.

They probably break up anyway and it will be a nonissue in a year. And you’ve saved yourself a big fight.

[Anonymous]

Shes an idiot if she picks Davidson over Amherst. I've hired multiple people from Amherst who have been excellent across the board. Davidson might be improving, but it's still nowhere close.

Having said that, it's your daughter's choice. If i fight her, she will dig her heels in and it will only create more problems between you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would give her my pitch ONCE along with my vote of confidence that she’s basically an adult now, I trust her to make the right decision for her, and I support her no matter what she chooses. As part of that, I would point out that she should consider how she will feel about Davison if they break up.

The. I wouldn’t say another word, and I would be enthusiastically supportive no matter her choice.

This.

I actually quite dislike this advice What can your daughter independently afford? My guess is nothing. How great were all your love affairs and decisions at 17/18? My guess is you are glad there weren't a lot of photos or documentation of that time. These "adults" are far less adult than even we were at this age; so sheltered as most of them have been. I believe in not only strong parental advice but parental veto. Its the parental money. Parents can consider child wants and preferences but kiddo still a parasite. Unless they are like me and put themselves through college in which case, follow their lead. Not many of me in this generation (including my own).

[Anonymous]

Davidson is a great school. They will be broken up by November. Don’t worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shes an idiot if she picks Davidson over Amherst. I've hired multiple people from Amherst who have been excellent across the board. Davidson might be improving, but it's still nowhere close.

Having said that, it's your daughter's choice. If i fight her, she will dig her heels in and it will only create more problems between you.

This is just silly. Have you hired one person from Davidson who has let you down? If not, you are presuming that the difference in 11 spots on the US News and World Report rankings means that the caliber of grads between the two schools are a world apart. Part of the admissions madness that exists now is due to this approach to evaluating and comparing colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Davidson is a great school. They will be broken up by November. Don’t worry about it.

And what if then she wishes she had picked Amherst?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would give her my pitch ONCE along with my vote of confidence that she’s basically an adult now, I trust her to make the right decision for her, and I support her no matter what she chooses. As part of that, I would point out that she should consider how she will feel about Davison if they break up.

The. I wouldn’t say another word, and I would be enthusiastically supportive no matter her choice.

This.

I actually quite dislike this advice What can your daughter independently afford? My guess is nothing. How great were all your love affairs and decisions at 17/18? My guess is you are glad there weren't a lot of photos or documentation of that time. These "adults" are far less adult than even we were at this age; so sheltered as most of them have been. I believe in not only strong parental advice but parental veto. Its the parental money. Parents can consider child wants and preferences but kiddo still a parasite. Unless they are like me and put themselves through college in which case, follow their lead. Not many of me in this generation (including my own).

Okay. Every generation thinks that.

[Anonymous]

Amherst is far far better. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Amherst is far far better. Really.

Welp. That insight settles it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Davidson is a great school. They will be broken up by November. Don’t worry about it.

And what if then she wishes she had picked Amherst?

Too bad, so sad, she will face the consequences of a bad decision and learn to live with them. Maybe she can transfer to Amherst or not. It won't be the end of the world, and hopefully she will actually learn mom and dad aren't stupid.