Anyone have a DC that was poorly prepared, esp. regarding study skills, get into STA MS and do well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son was admitted to STA from a K-8. He's very bright with major strengths in language arts, but generally an underperformer, mainly due to lack of effort. This seems to be because of a lack of maturity, which seems to be getting better recently. When he puts effort into things, he does well.

We're not particularly excited with the other schools he got into, so we would like him to attend STA--we're just feeling concerned about his work habits. Anyone have experience with this situation, and your DC ended up doing very well?

Congrats on your son's admission.

STA would not have taken him if they did not think they could get him to thrive and approach his potential.

If he gets Ms D for 9th Grade English she will whip him into shape....

The HS boys are also all doubling down and its cool to work your A++ off and be smart at STA- that is basically the culture. In my opinion that gets the best out of most young men

I hope OP doesn't take to heart comments posted anonymously on this forum by people who are using just conjecture and have never seen OP's son's grades, test scores , recs or interviewed him.

STA admitted the kid. They don't need to admit anyone and say, NO, to most. So, OP, if you have study habit concerns, ask questions at/ after new parent orientation which I think is in early May.

IMHO PPs are way jumping the gun telling you not to enroll your son and speculating on how he will be " damaged" if you do. People who don't even know him or the facts. Just ridiculous


New poster here.
And he will get a C and it will be on his transcript for college. I was at the NCS auction last night and a number of us have 9th grade boys and they're all getting Cs in this class.
You are making it sound so optimistic and wonderful but I'm in the middle of a year from hell with a 9th grader.
Look, I love STA. I think most of us mostly do. But it's just hell when you're trying to motivate an unmotivated boy to do the work.
These kids don't get better between 6th and 9th. They almost uniformly get less motivated, often drastically so when hormones kick in.
I don't understand the poster who keeps posting such falsely optimistic crap. I'm a realist---and one who is going through this experience right now. IT'S MISERABLE TO BE PRODDING ALONG AN UNMOTIVATED BOY
AT A DEMANDING SCHOOL. It sucks--for the kid, for the parent and I'm sure for the teachers.
There is more to high school than a certain diploma. Fit is so freaking important.

Okay, so he'll get a C on his transcript - maybe even (gasp) more than one. And colleges will see. And he'll get admitted somewhere and the world will keep turning and he'll probably live a long, happy, and productive life. And if he doesn't? It probably wasn't because of that C freshman year of high school.

What if, instead of prodding along your son, making it a "year from hell" for all involved, you disengage. Stop prodding. Stop pushing. Stop trying to provide motivation. Right now he has zero reason to be motivated because he knows you're going to push and prod and poke as needed to make sure he does well enough to get by. Until you stop, he has no reason to take this on himself. Ideally that transition happens in middle school - the parents back off, the kids take ownership and/or fall on their faces a few times in the process, maybe get some bad grades, and learn before they're into the "this counts for college!" zone. But if you didn't, better to do it now than later on in high school, or, worse, never. What's your plan for if he's unmotivated in college? His first job? Grad school?

[Anonymous]

While I won’t tell you how to parents like pp did, I will say that sta will do a lot of its own prodding. The boys are constantly pushed to a high standard there, and they encourage parents to be hands off. And they wouldn’t have admitted your son if “he couldn’t do the work.” That’s their admissions tagline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Know lots of people who have boys who are struggling at STA. They pay outside tutors, feed their kids ADHD meds, and do everything they can to keep their boys in. You can say these people can’t leave because other less stressful schools are currently full, but this has been going on for decades. Parents keep their boys at STA for their own personal benefit/sense of prestige and they always have.

While I am sure that there are parents in Washington who have unrealistic expectations and try to force their kid to live up to them- this is in ALL schools, including public.

In many ways, STA is one of the few schools in this town that actually doesn't cotton to this kind of thing because:

a) they simply don't need the admits that bad that they would take high numbers of unqualifieds- not HIGH numbers

b) while the occasional parent will watch their kid be flogged and struggle, the vast majority will accept the results of the STA pre-admissions test as a forecast of what is to come and opt out- in other words, not apply from BVR

c) STA is very , very selective from MS on and, especially for 9th grade admits. Schools with lower yields and slimmer endowments/ budget ratios might not be as selective so take your points to those schools

d) STA teachers have long tenure, vast majority have Masters degree and that quality of teacher just would not put up with that crap ( admitting high numbers of young people not able to do the work )


So, in summary, SURE in every class there may be 1, 2, 3 kids struggling and maybe more who have a tutor for a certain time period or subject matter, but in no way is that the bulk of the students or the main culture of the school. No way.

You realize that only about 30 out of 80 graduates end up being from Beauvoir don't you? Beauvoir is not the vast majority by 9th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I won’t tell you how to parents like pp did, I will say that sta will do a lot of its own prodding. The boys are constantly pushed to a high standard there, and they encourage parents to be hands off. And they wouldn’t have admitted your son if “he couldn’t do the work.” That’s their admissions tagline.

Yeah hands off to a degree which is not great for many. The culture basically instills in the boys that they should not listen to their parents input or views on anything. Really undermines the parent/son relationship. Yes we want independent sons but they are still minors and especially if there is a learning disability or a health issue parents should not be shunned by inquiring. Worst off to tell the boys their parents should not be involved is not great.

[Anonymous]

My kid has a couple of Cs and has not been rejected from a single college yet; still waiting on the reachers, but really happy with the matches so far.

The most important thing is that my child enjoyed his time in high school and learned so much; much more than just the academics too. Not everyone, everywhere is going to get straight As. It truly is not the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid has a couple of Cs and has not been rejected from a single college yet; still waiting on the reachers, but really happy with the matches so far.

The most important thing is that my child enjoyed his time in high school and learned so much; much more than just the academics too. Not everyone, everywhere is going to get straight As. It truly is not the end of the world.

what sort of matches?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son was admitted to STA from a K-8. He's very bright with major strengths in language arts, but generally an underperformer, mainly due to lack of effort. This seems to be because of a lack of maturity, which seems to be getting better recently. When he puts effort into things, he does well.

We're not particularly excited with the other schools he got into, so we would like him to attend STA--we're just feeling concerned about his work habits. Anyone have experience with this situation, and your DC ended up doing very well?

Congrats on your son's admission.

STA would not have taken him if they did not think they could get him to thrive and approach his potential.

If he gets Ms D for 9th Grade English she will whip him into shape....

The HS boys are also all doubling down and its cool to work your A++ off and be smart at STA- that is basically the culture. In my opinion that gets the best out of most young men

I hope OP doesn't take to heart comments posted anonymously on this forum by people who are using just conjecture and have never seen OP's son's grades, test scores , recs or interviewed him.

STA admitted the kid. They don't need to admit anyone and say, NO, to most. So, OP, if you have study habit concerns, ask questions at/ after new parent orientation which I think is in early May.

IMHO PPs are way jumping the gun telling you not to enroll your son and speculating on how he will be " damaged" if you do. People who don't even know him or the facts. Just ridiculous


New poster here.
And he will get a C and it will be on his transcript for college. I was at the NCS auction last night and a number of us have 9th grade boys and they're all getting Cs in this class.
You are making it sound so optimistic and wonderful but I'm in the middle of a year from hell with a 9th grader.
Look, I love STA. I think most of us mostly do. But it's just hell when you're trying to motivate an unmotivated boy to do the work.
These kids don't get better between 6th and 9th. They almost uniformly get less motivated, often drastically so when hormones kick in.
I don't understand the poster who keeps posting such falsely optimistic crap. I'm a realist---and one who is going through this experience right now. IT'S MISERABLE TO BE PRODDING ALONG AN UNMOTIVATED BOY
AT A DEMANDING SCHOOL. It sucks--for the kid, for the parent and I'm sure for the teachers.
There is more to high school than a certain diploma. Fit is so freaking important.

Okay, so he'll get a C on his transcript - maybe even (gasp) more than one. And colleges will see. And he'll get admitted somewhere and the world will keep turning and he'll probably live a long, happy, and productive life. And if he doesn't? It probably wasn't because of that C freshman year of high school.

What if, instead of prodding along your son, making it a "year from hell" for all involved, you disengage. Stop prodding. Stop pushing. Stop trying to provide motivation. Right now he has zero reason to be motivated because he knows you're going to push and prod and poke as needed to make sure he does well enough to get by. Until you stop, he has no reason to take this on himself. Ideally that transition happens in middle school - the parents back off, the kids take ownership and/or fall on their faces a few times in the process, maybe get some bad grades, and learn before they're into the "this counts for college!" zone. But if you didn't, better to do it now than later on in high school, or, worse, never. What's your plan for if he's unmotivated in college? His first job? Grad school?

Kid came from 18 months of virtual and no expectations in public. It's been a rough transition back to expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son was admitted to STA from a K-8. He's very bright with major strengths in language arts, but generally an underperformer, mainly due to lack of effort. This seems to be because of a lack of maturity, which seems to be getting better recently. When he puts effort into things, he does well.

We're not particularly excited with the other schools he got into, so we would like him to attend STA--we're just feeling concerned about his work habits. Anyone have experience with this situation, and your DC ended up doing very well?

Congrats on your son's admission.

STA would not have taken him if they did not think they could get him to thrive and approach his potential.

If he gets Ms D for 9th Grade English she will whip him into shape....

The HS boys are also all doubling down and its cool to work your A++ off and be smart at STA- that is basically the culture. In my opinion that gets the best out of most young men

I hope OP doesn't take to heart comments posted anonymously on this forum by people who are using just conjecture and have never seen OP's son's grades, test scores , recs or interviewed him.

STA admitted the kid. They don't need to admit anyone and say, NO, to most. So, OP, if you have study habit concerns, ask questions at/ after new parent orientation which I think is in early May.

IMHO PPs are way jumping the gun telling you not to enroll your son and speculating on how he will be " damaged" if you do. People who don't even know him or the facts. Just ridiculous


New poster here.
And he will get a C and it will be on his transcript for college. I was at the NCS auction last night and a number of us have 9th grade boys and they're all getting Cs in this class.
You are making it sound so optimistic and wonderful but I'm in the middle of a year from hell with a 9th grader.
Look, I love STA. I think most of us mostly do. But it's just hell when you're trying to motivate an unmotivated boy to do the work.
These kids don't get better between 6th and 9th. They almost uniformly get less motivated, often drastically so when hormones kick in.
I don't understand the poster who keeps posting such falsely optimistic crap. I'm a realist---and one who is going through this experience right now. IT'S MISERABLE TO BE PRODDING ALONG AN UNMOTIVATED BOY
AT A DEMANDING SCHOOL. It sucks--for the kid, for the parent and I'm sure for the teachers.
There is more to high school than a certain diploma. Fit is so freaking important.

Okay, so he'll get a C on his transcript - maybe even (gasp) more than one. And colleges will see. And he'll get admitted somewhere and the world will keep turning and he'll probably live a long, happy, and productive life. And if he doesn't? It probably wasn't because of that C freshman year of high school.

What if, instead of prodding along your son, making it a "year from hell" for all involved, you disengage. Stop prodding. Stop pushing. Stop trying to provide motivation. Right now he has zero reason to be motivated because he knows you're going to push and prod and poke as needed to make sure he does well enough to get by. Until you stop, he has no reason to take this on himself. Ideally that transition happens in middle school - the parents back off, the kids take ownership and/or fall on their faces a few times in the process, maybe get some bad grades, and learn before they're into the "this counts for college!" zone. But if you didn't, better to do it now than later on in high school, or, worse, never. What's your plan for if he's unmotivated in college? His first job? Grad school?

Kid came from 18 months of virtual and no expectations in public. It's been a rough transition back to expectations.

Well I would trust that STA saw something in your son that made them believe he would be a good fit at STA. The application pool is competitive so I would trust the decision. He may surprise you and put in the work. STA is very different than public and the pandemic threw so many kids off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I won’t tell you how to parents like pp did, I will say that sta will do a lot of its own prodding. The boys are constantly pushed to a high standard there, and they encourage parents to be hands off. And they wouldn’t have admitted your son if “he couldn’t do the work.” That’s their admissions tagline.

Yeah hands off to a degree which is not great for many. The culture basically instills in the boys that they should not listen to their parents input or views on anything. Really undermines the parent/son relationship. Yes we want independent sons but they are still minors and especially if there is a learning disability or a health issue parents should not be shunned by inquiring. Worst off to tell the boys their parents should not be involved is not great.

Huh, as a parent I have never felt like this. I am psyched STA wants boys to be in charge of their lives. I have also never felt like I couldn’t be involved. They send half slips in middle school if a kid is slipping and parents have to sign the high school course selection. I have always felt like faculty would talk with me/had an open door policy of needed. And we get to meet with the college counselor too. It all feels very appropriate and healthy for the boys, imo, and I have a close relationship with my son. Anyways, different perspective from my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I won’t tell you how to parents like pp did, I will say that sta will do a lot of its own prodding. The boys are constantly pushed to a high standard there, and they encourage parents to be hands off. And they wouldn’t have admitted your son if “he couldn’t do the work.” That’s their admissions tagline.

Yeah hands off to a degree which is not great for many. The culture basically instills in the boys that they should not listen to their parents input or views on anything. Really undermines the parent/son relationship. Yes we want independent sons but they are still minors and especially if there is a learning disability or a health issue parents should not be shunned by inquiring. Worst off to tell the boys their parents should not be involved is not great.

Huh, as a parent I have never felt like this. I am psyched STA wants boys to be in charge of their lives. I have also never felt like I couldn’t be involved. They send half slips in middle school if a kid is slipping and parents have to sign the high school course selection. I have always felt like faculty would talk with me/had an open door policy of needed. And we get to meet with the college counselor too. It all feels very appropriate and healthy for the boys, imo, and I have a close relationship with my son. Anyways, different perspective from my experience.

This is such a typical reply from an STA parent. If anyone expresses even the slight bit of complaint or questions anything they dismiss your comments. Previously I felt like you did but in recent years not so much. Some things have occurred that we should have been notified of and should not be told to ask our son who would say all is okay even if it was not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I won’t tell you how to parents like pp did, I will say that sta will do a lot of its own prodding. The boys are constantly pushed to a high standard there, and they encourage parents to be hands off. And they wouldn’t have admitted your son if “he couldn’t do the work.” That’s their admissions tagline.

Yeah hands off to a degree which is not great for many. The culture basically instills in the boys that they should not listen to their parents input or views on anything. Really undermines the parent/son relationship. Yes we want independent sons but they are still minors and especially if there is a learning disability or a health issue parents should not be shunned by inquiring. Worst off to tell the boys their parents should not be involved is not great.

Huh, as a parent I have never felt like this. I am psyched STA wants boys to be in charge of their lives. I have also never felt like I couldn’t be involved. They send half slips in middle school if a kid is slipping and parents have to sign the high school course selection. I have always felt like faculty would talk with me/had an open door policy of needed. And we get to meet with the college counselor too. It all feels very appropriate and healthy for the boys, imo, and I have a close relationship with my son. Anyways, different perspective from my experience.

This is such a typical reply from an STA parent. If anyone expresses even the slight bit of complaint or questions anything they dismiss your comments. Previously I felt like you did but in recent years not so much. Some things have occurred that we should have been notified of and should not be told to ask our son who would say all is okay even if it was not.

This. If we had not reached out to inquire we would have never known. Should have been contacted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I won’t tell you how to parents like pp did, I will say that sta will do a lot of its own prodding. The boys are constantly pushed to a high standard there, and they encourage parents to be hands off. And they wouldn’t have admitted your son if “he couldn’t do the work.” That’s their admissions tagline.

Yeah hands off to a degree which is not great for many. The culture basically instills in the boys that they should not listen to their parents input or views on anything. Really undermines the parent/son relationship. Yes we want independent sons but they are still minors and especially if there is a learning disability or a health issue parents should not be shunned by inquiring. Worst off to tell the boys their parents should not be involved is not great.

Huh, as a parent I have never felt like this. I am psyched STA wants boys to be in charge of their lives. I have also never felt like I couldn’t be involved. They send half slips in middle school if a kid is slipping and parents have to sign the high school course selection. I have always felt like faculty would talk with me/had an open door policy of needed. And we get to meet with the college counselor too. It all feels very appropriate and healthy for the boys, imo, and I have a close relationship with my son. Anyways, different perspective from my experience.

This is such a typical reply from an STA parent. If anyone expresses even the slight bit of complaint or questions anything they dismiss your comments. Previously I felt like you did but in recent years not so much. Some things have occurred that we should have been notified of and should not be told to ask our son who would say all is okay even if it was not.

Sorry you feel that way. I didn’t mean to be dismissive at all - rather to offer an experience that was different from yours. For those reading and considering STA, please know both perspectives (not just mine) are out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I won’t tell you how to parents like pp did, I will say that sta will do a lot of its own prodding. The boys are constantly pushed to a high standard there, and they encourage parents to be hands off. And they wouldn’t have admitted your son if “he couldn’t do the work.” That’s their admissions tagline.

Yeah hands off to a degree which is not great for many. The culture basically instills in the boys that they should not listen to their parents input or views on anything. Really undermines the parent/son relationship. Yes we want independent sons but they are still minors and especially if there is a learning disability or a health issue parents should not be shunned by inquiring. Worst off to tell the boys their parents should not be involved is not great.

Huh, as a parent I have never felt like this. I am psyched STA wants boys to be in charge of their lives. I have also never felt like I couldn’t be involved. They send half slips in middle school if a kid is slipping and parents have to sign the high school course selection. I have always felt like faculty would talk with me/had an open door policy of needed. And we get to meet with the college counselor too. It all feels very appropriate and healthy for the boys, imo, and I have a close relationship with my son. Anyways, different perspective from my experience.

This is such a typical reply from an STA parent. If anyone expresses even the slight bit of complaint or questions anything they dismiss your comments. Previously I felt like you did but in recent years not so much. Some things have occurred that we should have been notified of and should not be told to ask our son who would say all is okay even if it was not.

Sorry you feel that way. I didn’t mean to be dismissive at all - rather to offer an experience that was different from yours. For those reading and considering STA, please know both perspectives (not just mine) are out there.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Our dd was like that when she started at NCS in 7th. It was really bad. We thought she was going to flunk out. We live in DC so we would have never considered DCPS. Luckily middle school grades don't count for college admissions (unless your kid takes h.s. math early-don't). We hired a tutor + kid did great in h.s. Recruited for a sport at HYP. I am not sure you can get a boy to work that hard-- it is up to you OP. Most boys won't listen to their moms. Let your dh do tough love + get a tutor asap. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our dd was like that when she started at NCS in 7th. It was really bad. We thought she was going to flunk out. We live in DC so we would have never considered DCPS. Luckily middle school grades don't count for college admissions (unless your kid takes h.s. math early-don't). We hired a tutor + kid did great in h.s. Recruited for a sport at HYP. I am not sure you can get a boy to work that hard-- it is up to you OP. Most boys won't listen to their moms. Let your dh do tough love + get a tutor asap. Good luck!

To many people, the idea that a high school-age student actually requires a tutor to get through classes is simply a bridge too far. I realize it's all the norm at STA, but please try to grasp, through your rose-colored glasses, that the vast majority of parents in the world would consider that a non-starter.