Bedroom configuration

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DSS 11 (stepson, with us every other weekend and half the summer)
DD 10
DS 4
DS 1

We will have three secondary bedrooms. One is significantly larger than the other two and has an ensuite bath and walk in closer. The other two rooms are a standard 12x12 size. There is also a hall bath with dual sinks in vanity.

DS4 and DS1 will share a room. DD wants the room with ensuite bath so she doesn't have to share with her brothers, however, I really could use that larger room for the two little boys to share. WWYD? Give her the larger room with private bath and make a smaller room work with the two little boys? Or let her take a smaller secondary bedroom and share the hall bath with her older brother? Totally a first world problem, just trying to figure out what makes the most sense logistically.

Younger two who are sharing get the the larger bedroom and two older kids get the other rooms. Not even a question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is always prioritized, and I am sorry I come off as mean. She is always the one who gets everything she wants, never disciplined, never wrong. She’s such a sweet kid, straight As, a great friend. She is always given choices and has a lot of say in her life and ours. She truly is the princess of the house…her reason for thinking it was unfair that the boys have the bigger room was because she shouldn’t have to leave her room to go to the bathroom. This is probably the first time she won’t get something that she wants (and I won’t at all be surprised if we decide to give her the bigger room). Thanks all!

The room isn't the issue and you and Dad need to get a handle on the behavior or teen years are going to be rough. Two kids sharing get the bigger room

[Anonymous]

you Have a basement room too and are making the little ones share a room? That sounds ridiculous. Put one of the older kids in the basement and let them all have their own space.

[Anonymous]

I would give her the bigger room. A teen or preteen girl doesn't need an entire private bathroom for private things. There are lots of work arounds for that (keep in the bedroom like others have mentioned, designated drawers or boxes, etc).

But even if she keeps her things tucked away, as your daughter gets older, that bathroom might start to feel like a girl's bathroom. And since DSS isn't there full time, he might start to feel like he's intruding on her space, and not feel like it's his space anymore. Even though your DD and DSS are close, this has the potential to morph into an awkward situation over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would give her the bigger room. A teen or preteen girl doesn't need an entire private bathroom for private things. There are lots of work arounds for that (keep in the bedroom like others have mentioned, designated drawers or boxes, etc).

But even if she keeps her things tucked away, as your daughter gets older, that bathroom might start to feel like a girl's bathroom. And since DSS isn't there full time, he might start to feel like he's intruding on her space, and not feel like it's his space anymore. Even though your DD and DSS are close, this has the potential to morph into an awkward situation over time.

Please explain to me how a bathroom feels like a girl's bathroom? Presumably there is a cabinet in which DD can put her stuff, or she can keep it in her room. I don't allow my tweens to leave things out on the counters. There is plenty of storage available.

[Anonymous]

Well, shower curtains, towels, bath mats, and toothbrushes come in a variety of colors. I suppose you could force your DD to only have those items in a neutral color. Stepson will still open the drawers/cabinets and see soaps, lotions, bath beads, etc. I suppose you could only allow DD to buy those items in gender neutral colors, but that would be a bit harder. My panty liners come in a purple box, my pads come in a green and pink package and the pads are individually wrapped in pink wrappers, and my tampons come in a pink and purple box. She could keep those items in her room, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, shower curtains, towels, bath mats, and toothbrushes come in a variety of colors. I suppose you could force your DD to only have those items in a neutral color. Stepson will still open the drawers/cabinets and see soaps, lotions, bath beads, etc. I suppose you could only allow DD to buy those items in gender neutral colors, but that would be a bit harder. My panty liners come in a purple box, my pads come in a green and pink package and the pads are individually wrapped in pink wrappers, and my tampons come in a pink and purple box. She could keep those items in her room, I guess.

I don't understand your point here. Having lotion or a purple box of panty liners makes it a girls bathroom? The bathroom needs to be beige in order for it to be a comfortable and functional place for male and female users?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, shower curtains, towels, bath mats, and toothbrushes come in a variety of colors. I suppose you could force your DD to only have those items in a neutral color. Stepson will still open the drawers/cabinets and see soaps, lotions, bath beads, etc. I suppose you could only allow DD to buy those items in gender neutral colors, but that would be a bit harder. My panty liners come in a purple box, my pads come in a green and pink package and the pads are individually wrapped in pink wrappers, and my tampons come in a pink and purple box. She could keep those items in her room, I guess.

JFC this is everything wrong with modern parenting. The DSS can see a pink box of tampons and live. He might even be better for it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, shower curtains, towels, bath mats, and toothbrushes come in a variety of colors. I suppose you could force your DD to only have those items in a neutral color. Stepson will still open the drawers/cabinets and see soaps, lotions, bath beads, etc. I suppose you could only allow DD to buy those items in gender neutral colors, but that would be a bit harder. My panty liners come in a purple box, my pads come in a green and pink package and the pads are individually wrapped in pink wrappers, and my tampons come in a pink and purple box. She could keep those items in her room, I guess.

I don't understand your point here. Having lotion or a purple box of panty liners makes it a girls bathroom? The bathroom needs to be beige in order for it to be a comfortable and functional place for male and female users?

PP feels that the boy will be threatened if his sister has a pink toothbrush. At the same time, she feels that the girl obviously is the one who would decorate the space and that asking her to agree with her brother on a shower curtain, or use towels her mother already has is “being forced” and presumably traumatic.

The sexism is mind boggling.

[Anonymous]

No, PP asked what might make stepson feel like it’s a girl’s bathroom—pink shower curtain, towels, makeup, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you Have a basement room too and are making the little ones share a room? That sounds ridiculous. Put one of the older kids in the basement and let them all have their own space.

New poster here.
I also have 4 kids, with 3 secondary bedrooms and another bedroom in the finished basement. IMO, none of the kids in OP's family are old enough to be in the basement bedroom by themselves. We had two of our kids share until the oldest was 14 and then moved him to the basement.

[Anonymous]

Giving the DD a large bedroom and bath just for herself and making two kids share a smaller room doesn't make sense to me and sounds sexist. Why does the girl automatically get the 'best' space? Why do two boys get a smaller room together?

Even though she asked for the larger room, doesn't mean she should get it. Kids ask for all sorts of things they don't get.

I'm not trying to be harsh, but I honestly don't understand the thinking that the DD should have the bigger space with its own bathroom. I had a sister and four brothers and shared a bathroom and thought nothing of it. So I'm sincere when I say I don't get the thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Giving the DD a large bedroom and bath just for herself and making two kids share a smaller room doesn't make sense to me and sounds sexist. Why does the girl automatically get the 'best' space? Why do two boys get a smaller room together?

Even though she asked for the larger room, doesn't mean she should get it. Kids ask for all sorts of things they don't get.

I'm not trying to be harsh, but I honestly don't understand the thinking that the DD should have the bigger space with its own bathroom. I had a sister and four brothers and shared a bathroom and thought nothing of it. So I'm sincere when I say I don't get the thinking.

Not “the girl”, the much older live-in sibling.

[Anonymous]

So the older sibling no longer gets the biggest room? (I'd be pretty disappointed too)

12x12 is not small, the boys would be fine sharing it.

She moves to the basement in 3 or so years, when they'll be 7/8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the older sibling no longer gets the biggest room? (I'd be pretty disappointed too)

12x12 is not small, the boys would be fine sharing it.

She moves to the basement in 3 or so years, when they'll be 7/8.

The oldest sibling gets the biggest room when everyone has their own room. If two kids share the get the bigger room. Let me guess, you were the oldest?