Does it upset you how much money people spend on weddings?

[Anonymous]

I had that big wedding, probably 75k, and we are not people for whom that was nothing but a tax write off. And it was split about three ways in cost between my parents (divorced) and me and my DH. My family had been to nothing but funerals for a decade, and they were terrible awful funerals, one a teenager (my brother) taken in a horrible accident.

It was 100% extravagant, but it was also a happy happy party and an excuse to come together and celebrate after many many times we had to come together to mourn. You never know why people are doing something. Some people are doing it for shallow reasons, some not. But since I've never walked in someone else's shoes I try not to make assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it bothers me when they're cheap. Cash bar, anyone?

[Anonymous]

Yes, my daughter's friend spent $100,000 on her wedding and has been living in her mil's guest house for the past 7 years. She said it is the biggest mistake of her life. My DD spent $20,000 for 10 people during COVID. I paid 1/3/ I think that was a bit waste too!

[Anonymous]

There are many things that used to be considered luxuries but more and more people seem to feel entitled them. That bothers me a lot.

Besides lavish weddings how about cosmetic procedures, gourmet kitchens, boats, purses and shoes, vacations that require flying, the list goes on. I have a few of these but not all of them. I’d be sad if my kid decided to blow $100k on a wedding at the expense of paying off debt or buying a house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't upset me but I do think it's ridiculous.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are many things that used to be considered luxuries but more and more people seem to feel entitled them. That bothers me a lot.

Besides lavish weddings how about cosmetic procedures, gourmet kitchens, boats, purses and shoes, vacations that require flying, the list goes on. I have a few of these but not all of them. I’d be sad if my kid decided to blow $100k on a wedding at the expense of paying off debt or buying a house.

But what if your kid and her husband made enough to have already bought a house and they have no debt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are many things that used to be considered luxuries but more and more people seem to feel entitled them. That bothers me a lot.

Besides lavish weddings how about cosmetic procedures, gourmet kitchens, boats, purses and shoes, vacations that require flying, the list goes on. I have a few of these but not all of them. I’d be sad if my kid decided to blow $100k on a wedding at the expense of paying off debt or buying a house.

But what if your kid and her husband made enough to have already bought a house and they have no debt?

I’d be ok with it. My point is you should not spend lavishly on everything or feel entitle to have all the things. Pick what is most important to you and don’t go into debt for stuff that’s not.

[Anonymous]

I had my dream wedding for $5k (small but reasonably lavish). I certainly don’t fault anyone for having their own dream wedding at any price.

Maybe you actually aren’t at peace with the compromises you made for your own wedding.

[Anonymous]

No, it’s not my business what other people do with their money. I may not do the same thing, but I understand people have different values, priorities, budgets, etc. I am planning a wedding for my own DD at the moment and plan to keep it under $30k. It’s a budget that works for my family and I’m sure some people will find that extravagant and others will find it cheap. None of their business.

[Anonymous]

Why would I care how other people spend their money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love to be a guest in lavish weddings.

+1 why would I be upset about being lavishly hosted?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. It's none of my business what other people do with their money. Being obsessive and judgmental about other people's choices is unhealthy.

This times a million! OP, are you also upset about how much people spend on luxury cars? Houses? The only person whose spending on ANYTHING has the power to upset me is my husband because we have joint finances. Weird to worry about what other people do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes and no.

I try to balance thinking how much 100k in a donation directly to children starving in Afghanistan/Yemen/Syria/etc. and the impact it would have compared to the impact of 100k providing jobs and supporting an industry.

IMO there is a middle ground and I would love to see couples who have this amount of money ask for cash gifts or give those cash gifts to a charity of their choice.. I assume most of the people who can spend 100k on a wedding are hiding their money or their parents have to avoid paying "too much" in taxes. I also assume they dont need 25k in cash gifts if they can afford a 100k wedding. That goes into my calculation as well.

Its self-serving and indulgent but if thats who they are then thats who they are.

My DD had a $90k wedding and I can assure you we do not "hide" any money from taxes. Spending money on a wedding has nothing to do with taxes in any event. What a weird assumption. We also already donate to charities - these are not mutually exclusive.

My wedding was pretty basic and in retrospect I wish we had spent a little more. Generally the more expensive weddings are more fun and have better food.

Except that someone who can afford a 100k wedding without taking on debt is absolutely in a higher income and the higher the income the more loopholes there are and the less likely it is that their income is derived exclusively from wages. Just because the tax code is built for your wealth doesnt mean you arent "hiding it". Thats the whole point of it.

"Typically, the more someone earns, the greater percentage of capital income and less labor compensation they receive every year, the Tax Policy Center has found. The tax laws are not built for wages they are built to protect capital income.

Okay whatever you want to think is up to you.

Sorry but plenty of ppl can pay $100k debt-free from a W-2 standard income job. This isn't like Bezos style wealth or something...

That type of disposable cash in addition to college savings, retirement, general savings, etc. puts you in the 5%. Stop acting like its a middle class thing. Its not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes and no.

I try to balance thinking how much 100k in a donation directly to children starving in Afghanistan/Yemen/Syria/etc. and the impact it would have compared to the impact of 100k providing jobs and supporting an industry.

IMO there is a middle ground and I would love to see couples who have this amount of money ask for cash gifts or give those cash gifts to a charity of their choice.. I assume most of the people who can spend 100k on a wedding are hiding their money or their parents have to avoid paying "too much" in taxes. I also assume they dont need 25k in cash gifts if they can afford a 100k wedding. That goes into my calculation as well.

Its self-serving and indulgent but if thats who they are then thats who they are.

Do you have indoor plumbing? Why, you privileged elite!
Your attitude of shaming others who enjoy spending money bothers me far worse than those are free to enjoy their wealth.

[Anonymous]

OP, think instead of the people on the receiving end of that money -- the bartender, the dressmaker, waiters, the photographers and their team, the florist and flower growers, etc. -- they use that money to put food on the table, pay their rent, etc. It isn't being thrown in the ocean, it's being thrown into the economy and employing real people.

Would you rather they horde the money in a foundation where they donate a piddly 5% of it per year?