Anonymous wrote:My mother recently passed away in another part of the country. She had a lovely old gold watch, which is the physical object I most associate with her because she always wore it and looked at it, never wanting to be late for anything, and I was hoping to pass it on as an heirloom. When I was given her boxes of remaining belongings to sort through -- just a few boxes, because everything had been downsized during moves -- there was a cheap gold-plated watch there instead, which I had never seen before, having sorted through and organized all of her possessions last year. I was shocked. I told the group care home owner that that is not her watch, and she said that's what my mother arrived there with a few months ago. This may or may not be true. I have no way of knowing exactly where her real watch was swapped with this one, because she had lived in three places since I last saw her in person last year, wearing her real watch -- a large assisted living facility where she had lived for years, a small group care home where she spent just a few weeks, and this second small group care home where she lived until her passing.
I was not present for those two moves, which happened on very short notice, due to deteriorated health because of a UTI. I paid her geriatric care manager to move her from the assisted living facility into group care home #1. My mother already had some baseline dementia as well as the UTI, but she was "with it" enough to email with me on the day of the move, and to show the geriatric care manager which things to pack and which things she didn't want. So I doubt she would not have noticed her beloved watch missing, or not noticed if someone had substituted a different watch for hers before that move.
Group care home #1, where she lived for only a few weeks, sent me a list of personal belongings that had arrived with my mother. The watch and some other things (like my mother's computer) were not mentioned on that list, but I had written back mentioning the omissions, and even specifying the watch brand, and was assured by email that these other items were also in fact all there and accounted for. That home -- which was chosen because they had cared for another relative in previous years -- turned out to be a big disappointment (they put her in a cramped room that still had a dead person's belongings in it, lied about the level of care she would receive at night, etc.). So I worked with a placement agency and found a second family-run small group care home to move her to.
For that second move, the new care home manager and the placement agency person went and moved my mother and her things. I had given them a complete list of personal belongings that should be brought over with my mother, including the watch (again specifying the brand). The placement agency person told me they got everything, but it's possible that they didn't check the watch brand during that rushed emergency move. And my mother's mild dementia was temporarily much worse while residing at that home, because of the UTI, so she may not have noticed the watch being swapped out while she was there.
Group care home #2 never sent me an official list of personal items in their possession. They seem like much more upstanding people than the owners of group care home #1, but who really knows. I tried calling group care home #1 to ask about the watch, but the owner is not answering my calls now. I don't have any photos of my mother wearing her real watch at either small group care home (she is without her watch in one photo, which is very unusual for her, and her wrist can't be seen in another photo).
I called a pawn shop that's near the group care homes, to ask if this type of watch had been brought in in the past several months. The owner said no, he would remember something like that, and recommended that I file a police report because this is grand theft. However he also said that most likely the watch would be sold through social media (FB Marketplace or EBay) because people don't have to prove ownership on those platforms, and it may therefore be unrecoverable unless someone tries to sell it through a shop at some point.
Anyone been in this kind of situation or have any advice? This has really upset me. It's not about whatever amount of money that the watch is worth, because I would never sell it. It was the one thing I really wanted to hang onto of my mother's. Also I am just so disappointed that someone caring for my mother would stoop to this level.
Nothing can be done now. Too late. For others coming behind don’t leave anything you care about at a senior facility or nursing home. These workers are paid low wages for hard work.
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