Does your elderly mother give verbal stabbings?

[Anonymous]

Just reading this thread has made me feel much better. I am one of the only people I know who doesn’t seem (key word) to have a perfect relationship with my mother, so I have always assumed there was a small likelihood that I was the “bad” and uncaring one.

I am the one who mentioned that she left a voice mail saying she was the success and I was the failure (despite her lack of any career and 2 divorces).

I am a guy BTW and the women I dated never quite believed me about her and even said, “I’d never date a man who didn’t get along with his mother…” and that was that until they spoke with her. It usually took about 4 minutes for them to see what the issue was.

“This one’s rather well-fed, isn’t she?” That was one greeting she gave one girlfriend.

In any case, reading this thread does help a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just reading this thread has made me feel much better. I am one of the only people I know who doesn’t seem (key word) to have a perfect relationship with my mother, so I have always assumed there was a small likelihood that I was the “bad” and uncaring one.

I am the one who mentioned that she left a voice mail saying she was the success and I was the failure (despite her lack of any career and 2 divorces).

I am a guy BTW and the women I dated never quite believed me about her and even said, “I’d never date a man who didn’t get along with his mother…” and that was that until they spoke with her. It usually took about 4 minutes for them to see what the issue was.

“This one’s rather well-fed, isn’t she?” That was one greeting she gave one girlfriend.

In any case, reading this thread does help a lot.

PP, I am sorry that you had to go through that with your mom. I truly believe that undiagnosed mental illness is to blame for a lot of these parents and/or their own trauma that was never healed. Keep your distance and do what you can to support her without hurting yourself. I hope you are healed/are healing from this.

[Anonymous]

My MIL has a long history of making rude, insulting comments - seemingly out of the blue.

She is 75 and has a diagnosed cognitive impairment yet right now is the quietest, kindest and best listener I’ve ever known her to be. So if sweeping personality change is a symptom of dementia or cognitive decline, we all noticed. That and she now laughs at everything.

My guess is similar - cognitive decline but we usually only hear about the angry outbursts and temper flares.

[Anonymous]

“I realize this is an old thread but just got a "verbal stabbing" myself and really wonder what can be done to help? Is there a medication for depression or anxiety that helps with toxic elderly parent? Anyone btdt that can provide advice?“

I mean, it’s possible meds would help, but people like this don’t think that there’s anything wrong with their behavior and are not open to doing anything about it. So I think it’s best to work on really accepting that this is the way she is and that there is nothing that you can do to improve the relationship.

Personally, I decided that I was done being treated like this and am no longer in contact with my mother. That’s really the only way to get the behavior to end, other than death.

[Anonymous]

My mom has been verbally stabbing me my entire adult life. I am still close to her; she's my only mom. Sometimes I go boxing after spending time with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom has been verbally stabbing me my entire adult life. I am still close to her; she's my only mom. Sometimes I go boxing after spending time with her.

I have been working out like crazy due to her behavior as it is the best stress reliever for me. I have also been limiting my visits so she has less of a chance to say something mean.

She is really a sweet lady but lately this mean streak has developed and it really caught me off guard. I was hoping there was some type of medication that might help with her mood swings.

[Anonymous]

Got one this morning. I don't know what to do anymore. She is sweet as pie around everyone but her family. If we do anything that she doesn't like/want she starts talking trash and says really, really mean things. It's awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every year around Mother’s Day I stand and look at the cards at the store: “Mom, you’ve always been there for me,” “Mom, you’ve always loved me unconditionally,” “Mom, I’m so lucky to have a mother like you.”

And my whole life I have wondered, “Are there really people who feel that way about their mothers?”

Same. I can’t imagine having a supportive mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom has been verbally stabbing me my entire adult life. I am still close to her; she's my only mom. Sometimes I go boxing after spending time with her.

I have been working out like crazy due to her behavior as it is the best stress reliever for me. I have also been limiting my visits so she has less of a chance to say something mean.

She is really a sweet lady but lately this mean streak has developed and it really caught me off guard. I was hoping there was some type of medication that might help with her mood swings.

She is not a sweet lady if she’s doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Got one this morning. I don't know what to do anymore. She is sweet as pie around everyone but her family. If we do anything that she doesn't like/want she starts talking trash and says really, really mean things. It's awful.

My mom and sibling are like this—nice to everyone but their own family.

[Anonymous]

Bring a water gun and squirt her in the face!
Or maybe go with a more traditional cream pie!
Have fun with it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom has been verbally stabbing me my entire adult life. I am still close to her; she's my only mom. Sometimes I go boxing after spending time with her.

I have been working out like crazy due to her behavior as it is the best stress reliever for me. I have also been limiting my visits so she has less of a chance to say something mean.

She is really a sweet lady but lately this mean streak has developed and it really caught me off guard. I was hoping there was some type of medication that might help with her mood swings.

She is not a sweet lady if she’s doing that.

She did not do this until very recently, so we do think it's related to dementia or medication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom has been verbally stabbing me my entire adult life. I am still close to her; she's my only mom. Sometimes I go boxing after spending time with her.

I have been working out like crazy due to her behavior as it is the best stress reliever for me. I have also been limiting my visits so she has less of a chance to say something mean.

She is really a sweet lady but lately this mean streak has developed and it really caught me off guard. I was hoping there was some type of medication that might help with her mood swings.

This happened to my mother and it was because of dementia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom has been verbally stabbing me my entire adult life. I am still close to her; she's my only mom. Sometimes I go boxing after spending time with her.

I have been working out like crazy due to her behavior as it is the best stress reliever for me. I have also been limiting my visits so she has less of a chance to say something mean.

She is really a sweet lady but lately this mean streak has developed and it really caught me off guard. I was hoping there was some type of medication that might help with her mood swings.

This happened to my mother and it was because of dementia.

Did anything help with these mood swings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom has been verbally stabbing me my entire adult life. I am still close to her; she's my only mom. Sometimes I go boxing after spending time with her.

I have been working out like crazy due to her behavior as it is the best stress reliever for me. I have also been limiting my visits so she has less of a chance to say something mean.

She is really a sweet lady but lately this mean streak has developed and it really caught me off guard. I was hoping there was some type of medication that might help with her mood swings.

This happened to my mother and it was because of dementia.

Did anything help with these mood swings?

Not the poster you are asking, but in our case yes, if she takes the med. My mother had a mean streak before, but she was entertaining like a character in a TV sitcom (think other in Modern Family)-disturbed, but funny and could turn it on and be nice and had some self-awareness and others chiming in to tone her down. She became more and more abusive as dementia set in. Anti anxiety and then anxiety meds combined with an antipsychotic could stop it, but legally she was allowed to take herself off meds, or change her dose against doctor's wishes. Doctors would fire her. She spent a lot of time being abusive in that phase before you fail the dementia tests where it's clear to anyone who knows you well that you are in the early stages.