My mom just had her visa denied... I need to vent! Long post warning...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, one other suggestion if your mom has the time and money: she could travel to another country and return. A history of going abroad (the more similar the countries are to the US, the better) provides evidence that she plans to return home after a visit. It's not foolproof, obviously, because the consular office will think she has more of an incentive to stay in the US since her daughter and grandchild are here, but it demonstrates that she's not generally trying to get out of her home country.

OP here. Thanks for the suggestion but I don't think it matters. My mom has been to 5 different countries several times before and my dad works traveling between our country and Europe so they travel a lot. It didn't seem to matter at all.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my family, who just wanted to come for my wedding. It really is unfair! Millions of people come here illegally, and the ones who try to go through the proper channels are the ones who suffer.

OP - I think you should, as others suggested, start building your case for next time. They have records of when a person applied for a visa, so unless you have someone important intervene on your behalf, I don't think it's worth it to go right now.

Good luck - I know how upset I was, and that was just for a wedding.

[Anonymous]

OP - i'm a first generation American and my uncle was coming from our country in south asia for a fellowship at harvard that REQUIRED a return to the home country at the one year mark to study for one year to graduate. he has been to the US over 10 times in his life but was denied the visa for the fellowship repeatedly, even what harvard attempted to intervene. No real reasons were given, but his interactions with the cousulate were similar to what you describe... His fellowship was deferred, and as a last ditch attempt, I wrote to our congressman about the situation - I wrote a long-ish impassioned letter (i was in med school at the time) and explained the numerous reasons he would return after the year was up... I got a reply back that the office would contact homeland security and clear his visa - and the visa was granted the following month.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's so sad that your mom won't be here to help, but since the situation probably won't change in time for her to be here when your baby is born, maybe it would make you feel better to focus on how you can communicate and share with her when the baby arrives. Find someone to take photos of you, your husband and the new baby that you can send right away, set up a webcam to talk to your mom if she's got internet access, look at websites where you can select a design for a special photo book to send her with pictures of your baby's first days, etc.

If you and your husband were going to be paying for your mom's travel expenses, maybe use some of the money instead to hire a post-partum doula or a nurse to help out or just come and check in once in a while during the first few weeks will make you feel better and that will be another person who can monitor you for post-partum depression. If you haven't already, discuss your fears with your doctor or midwife, and ask them what you or your husband should do (who to call, etc.) if you do become depressed.

If friends offer to help, take them up on it by asking them to bring meals or come hang out with the baby while you rest. DC is a place where many of us are away from our families, and lots of us know what it's like not to have family close by, even though they're in the same country. You may want to find a new moms' group to join before baby arrives. Having a new baby can be very isolating, I didn't find a moms' group until my first was over a year old, but when I did it made a huge difference in how I felt.

Good luck with your delivery, and I hope your mom gets to meet her grandchild soon!

[Anonymous]

Millions come here illegally - it THAT what people think?!?

HOLY SHIT! No. No. No.

Let's not turn this place into a third world country, people - that would not help YOU!

[Anonymous]

same happened to my mom, she had a visa denied last year. she is still in shock byt the way the consular treated her, she took it very personally, the consular was extremely rude and did not even give her a chance to say anything. now I haven't seen my mom for almost 2 years and since I can't get off from work for more than a week, I am not able to go and visit her, it takes 3 days just to travel back and forth to Europe.
The funny thing is, that my mom was granted a visa 4 years ago and she came to visit us twice during a 2 year period, first time she stayed for 2 months, second time for 6 months. fortunately she has that kind of a flexible job and understanding boss. and yes, she spent a lot of time with my daughter and was a great help. after her last visit, her visa ran out, and she applied for a new one 6 months later and was planning to come and visit us for Christmas. she was denied and she is scared to apply again. what speaks against my mom is the fact that she and my dad are divorced and she doesn't work and live in our country. but still, she has proven twice, that she returned and had no intention of staying here illegally.
if she had wanted to stay here, she could have very easily. just like many people do. I know so many people from my country, who have come here with the intention to stay and work here illegally, who have lived and worked here for years, don't pay any taxes, their kids go to school here and they live happily. ho do those people get visas??? IT IS VERY UNFAIR!!! I bet, I could tell those consulars in 3 seconds who has plans to stay illegally at the interview. I honestly don't think, that consulars do a good job approving visas, otherwise there wouldn't be so many illegal immigrants here!!
My status is permanent resident and my husband is a citizen. I could apply for citizenship too and then apply for residency for my mom, but SHE DOES NOT WANT TO LIVE HERE, just to visit!!! So why go through all that paperwork plus the expenses. My mom made a funny comment to me after denied: I wanted to tell that consulat, that US isn't even that great of a country.
And I agree, I have never understood, why people want to come here at all costs. NOT EVERYBODY DOES!!!
I could leave tomorrow and would not care less.
And actually that's what we are planning, returning to our homeland, so that I would not have stupid laws and restrictions stopping me seeing my family...
To everybody else - good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:same happened to my mom, she had a visa denied last year. she is still in shock byt the way the consular treated her, she took it very personally, the consular was extremely rude and did not even give her a chance to say anything. now I haven't seen my mom for almost 2 years and since I can't get off from work for more than a week, I am not able to go and visit her, it takes 3 days just to travel back and forth to Europe.
The funny thing is, that my mom was granted a visa 4 years ago and she came to visit us twice during a 2 year period, first time she stayed for 2 months, second time for 6 months. fortunately she has that kind of a flexible job and understanding boss. and yes, she spent a lot of time with my daughter and was a great help. after her last visit, her visa ran out, and she applied for a new one 6 months later and was planning to come and visit us for Christmas. she was denied and she is scared to apply again. what speaks against my mom is the fact that she and my dad are divorced and she doesn't work and live in our country. but still, she has proven twice, that she returned and had no intention of staying here illegally.
if she had wanted to stay here, she could have very easily. just like many people do. I know so many people from my country, who have come here with the intention to stay and work here illegally, who have lived and worked here for years, don't pay any taxes, their kids go to school here and they live happily. ho do those people get visas??? IT IS VERY UNFAIR!!! I bet, I could tell those consulars in 3 seconds who has plans to stay illegally at the interview. I honestly don't think, that consulars do a good job approving visas, otherwise there wouldn't be so many illegal immigrants here!!
My status is permanent resident and my husband is a citizen. I could apply for citizenship too and then apply for residency for my mom, but SHE DOES NOT WANT TO LIVE HERE, just to visit!!! So why go through all that paperwork plus the expenses. My mom made a funny comment to me after denied: I wanted to tell that consulat, that US isn't even that great of a country.
And I agree, I have never understood, why people want to come here at all costs. NOT EVERYBODY DOES!!!
I could leave tomorrow and would not care less.
And actually that's what we are planning, returning to our homeland, so that I would not have stupid laws and restrictions stopping me seeing my family...To everybody else - good luck!!

Please hurry because no one is holding you from leaving. Our "stupid laws" are what guarantees you the right to free speech.

[Anonymous]

You don't need to be such an asshole 13:56. A similar thing happened to my mother. She was here as a graduate student and had gone home over a break. When she returned she was denied entry even though she had a student visa and was coming back to finish her degree. I don't know the details but she is still pissed about it. She is now married to an American Citizen and has had a green card for 30 years, could become a citizen if she wanted to but she doesn't because she doesn't want to become a citizen of a country that treats visitors and their own people so poorly. If she wasn't married to my dad, she would move back to her home country tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:same happened to my mom, she had a visa denied last year. she is still in shock byt the way the consular treated her, she took it very personally, the consular was extremely rude and did not even give her a chance to say anything. now I haven't seen my mom for almost 2 years and since I can't get off from work for more than a week, I am not able to go and visit her, it takes 3 days just to travel back and forth to Europe.
The funny thing is, that my mom was granted a visa 4 years ago and she came to visit us twice during a 2 year period, first time she stayed for 2 months, second time for 6 months. fortunately she has that kind of a flexible job and understanding boss. and yes, she spent a lot of time with my daughter and was a great help. after her last visit, her visa ran out, and she applied for a new one 6 months later and was planning to come and visit us for Christmas. she was denied and she is scared to apply again. what speaks against my mom is the fact that she and my dad are divorced and she doesn't work and live in our country. but still, she has proven twice, that she returned and had no intention of staying here illegally.
if she had wanted to stay here, she could have very easily. just like many people do. I know so many people from my country, who have come here with the intention to stay and work here illegally, who have lived and worked here for years, don't pay any taxes, their kids go to school here and they live happily. ho do those people get visas??? IT IS VERY UNFAIR!!! I bet, I could tell those consulars in 3 seconds who has plans to stay illegally at the interview. I honestly don't think, that consulars do a good job approving visas, otherwise there wouldn't be so many illegal immigrants here!!
My status is permanent resident and my husband is a citizen. I could apply for citizenship too and then apply for residency for my mom, but SHE DOES NOT WANT TO LIVE HERE, just to visit!!! So why go through all that paperwork plus the expenses. My mom made a funny comment to me after denied: I wanted to tell that consulat, that US isn't even that great of a country.
And I agree, I have never understood, why people want to come here at all costs. NOT EVERYBODY DOES!!!
I could leave tomorrow and would not care less.
And actually that's what we are planning, returning to our homeland, so that I would not have stupid laws and restrictions stopping me seeing my family...
To everybody else - good luck!!

This is exactly why your mother was denied a visa. Coming here and going back does not show intent to stay in her home country--likely the Consular Officer viewed it as a "scouting trip". Was your mother divorced already the first time? Does she have permanent ties in her home country? Can she prove her quality of life is better there than it would be here? These are all things that we look at when reviewing an application for a Visa. There is never a need to be rude, though. No excuse for that. Being a CO is not an easy job, and it is a judgment call. Some err on the side of caution, others do not.

[Anonymous]

"She is now married to an American Citizen and has had a green card for 30 years, could become a citizen if she wanted to but she doesn't because she doesn't want to become a citizen of a country that treats visitors and their own people so poorly. If she wasn't married to my dad, she would move back to her home country tomorrow. "

B.S.!

[Anonymous]

Please don't turn this thread into an immigration debate. It actually managed to stay somewhat civil. Start (yet another) immigration debate elsewhere if you must.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"She is now married to an American Citizen and has had a green card for 30 years, could become a citizen if she wanted to but she doesn't because she doesn't want to become a citizen of a country that treats visitors and their own people so poorly. If she wasn't married to my dad, she would move back to her home country tomorrow. "

B.S.!

Why exactly is this B.S.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my family, who just wanted to come for my wedding. It really is unfair! Millions of people come here illegally, and the ones who try to go through the proper channels are the ones who suffer.

OP - I think you should, as others suggested, start building your case for next time. They have records of when a person applied for a visa, so unless you have someone important intervene on your behalf, I don't think it's worth it to go right now.

Good luck - I know how upset I was, and that was just for a wedding.

This happened to me too and they were totally haphazard about who got a visa. They granted my mother one but not my father. Im still scarred by that experience to this day.

[Anonymous]

OP here... It's funny to see this thread coming back up. I just talked to my mom yesterday (we're skyping for 2+ hours every night) and I might be able to go and visit them. The problem is that DH cannot join us. He has no vacation left because he had to stay home with me longer than expected due to complications during birth.
I'll try to convince her to go again once I'm there with her.
I just hope the OC is not like some of the people I've met that call my little girl an "anchor baby"

*sigh*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to be such an asshole 13:56. A similar thing happened to my mother. She was here as a graduate student and had gone home over a break. When she returned she was denied entry even though she had a student visa and was coming back to finish her degree. I don't know the details but she is still pissed about it. She is now married to an American Citizen and has had a green card for 30 years, could become a citizen if she wanted to but she doesn't because she doesn't want to become a citizen of a country that treats visitors and their own people so poorly. If she wasn't married to my dad, she would move back to her home country tomorrow.

It could still be worse. There was a girl that went to school with my DH. When she returned home to Japan, where she was born and raised, they wouldn't let her in. Her entire family was there and she had they had all been born there. The reason she wasn't allowed back in was because she had Korean Ancestry.