Would you leave a school because of the parent community?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t leave for pubic for at least another school year due to the pandemic. I think they’re going to continue to struggle with staffing. Are there any other private schools you’ve looked into already? I like the parent culture at DC’s private ES, it’s pretty laid back and inclusive, but I’ve heard some younger grades parents aren’t as laid back.

I'm definitely worried about this. (OP here.) We are very limited geographically for a number of reasons, so our pool of schools from which to choose is limited as well. Basically our current private, local public, and two faith-based schools that we don't consider true options.

I think many posters are right about not jumping ship unless it's affecting my kid (which it's not). Kid's experience has been amazing. I think I am going to try to tune out the parent crap, at least for another year.

Yes, good idea. It’s hard to tune it out but once I made the mental shift if the school bring my kid’s place and not where I would find community it was easier. There are a lot of events you can opt not to go to. Kid’s performances, back to school night; you go to those things. Auction, parent gatherings, volunteering at the bake sale; you can skip. If your kid is having an amazing experience than that’s great!

[Anonymous]

It’s not a reason to leave if your kid is doing well. I have a college aged kid and a hs senior. I disliked a large portion of the parent body at first kids school but it’s a “big 3” and provides s top notch education so oh well. I just didn’t volunteer or socialize there much. Second kids’ school’s parent community is far less obnoxious and toxic but I can’t say I love it - and more importantly realized after experience with kid #1 I don’t have to engage. By hs it really really doesn’t matter. I’d say it’s most important in middle school and least important in hs. Lower school can go either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a reason to leave if your kid is doing well. I have a college aged kid and a hs senior. I disliked a large portion of the parent body at first kids school but it’s a “big 3” and provides s top notch education so oh well. I just didn’t volunteer or socialize there much. Second kids’ school’s parent community is far less obnoxious and toxic but I can’t say I love it - and more importantly realized after experience with kid #1 I don’t have to engage. By hs it really really doesn’t matter. I’d say it’s most important in middle school and least important in hs. Lower school can go either way.

Interesting--thanks for sharing your experience. I'd love to hear why you think it's most important in middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a reason to leave if your kid is doing well. I have a college aged kid and a hs senior. I disliked a large portion of the parent body at first kids school but it’s a “big 3” and provides s top notch education so oh well. I just didn’t volunteer or socialize there much. Second kids’ school’s parent community is far less obnoxious and toxic but I can’t say I love it - and more importantly realized after experience with kid #1 I don’t have to engage. By hs it really really doesn’t matter. I’d say it’s most important in middle school and least important in hs. Lower school can go either way.

Interesting--thanks for sharing your experience. I'd love to hear why you think it's most important in middle school.

Not PP but middle school was when my kids wanted to socialize quite often but couldn't do it on their own. So a lot more logistical stuff with other parents. By high school they're driving themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a reason to leave if your kid is doing well. I have a college aged kid and a hs senior. I disliked a large portion of the parent body at first kids school but it’s a “big 3” and provides s top notch education so oh well. I just didn’t volunteer or socialize there much. Second kids’ school’s parent community is far less obnoxious and toxic but I can’t say I love it - and more importantly realized after experience with kid #1 I don’t have to engage. By hs it really really doesn’t matter. I’d say it’s most important in middle school and least important in hs. Lower school can go either way.

Interesting--thanks for sharing your experience. I'd love to hear why you think it's most important in middle school.

Not PP but middle school was when my kids wanted to socialize quite often but couldn't do it on their own. So a lot more logistical stuff with other parents. By high school they're driving themselves.

Only the last two years at most are they driving themselves in hs…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What school is this that parents are like this in K?

I can think of half a dozen off the top of my head.

LOL.

If the parents are like this in K, can you chat with families in upper grades (or families with 2 or 3 kids) and ask them why they stayed?

The clique thing sucks, but there is often a down to Earth person who is willing to spill the tea or provide some context.
The loudest complainers tend to jump ship (and climb back on board) several times before graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What school is this that parents are like this in K?

I can think of half a dozen off the top of my head.

LOL.

If the parents are like this in K, can you chat with families in upper grades (or families with 2 or 3 kids) and ask them why they stayed?

The clique thing sucks, but there is often a down to Earth person who is willing to spill the tea or provide some context.
The loudest complainers tend to jump ship (and climb back on board) several times before graduation.

It's mostly parents in older grades who are running amok. We K parents without older kids are a little flummoxed. It seems there has been a lot of growth and change over the past few years that the "older" families are mad about, while those of us who are new are perfectly fine with the "new way." It's a small PK-8, so even just a few angry, vocal families are enough to blow things out of proportion. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As we approach re-enrollment, I am more and more skeptical about keeping our child at their private school.

The year has been good for kid so far, and there are lots of things I appreciate about the school (like hours of time outside daily).

BUT, it is a not-insignificant financial sacrifice for us AND the parent community as a whole is exceedingly demanding, controlling, cliquish, and petty, which is bleeding over into the "feel" of the school. Parents are pitting children against each other and against certain teachers, petitions are circulating, the administration is in flux, etc.

Kid has made a good friend and I have made connections with at least a couple of like-minded families. But still... the bad vibes are making me reconsider.

Child has friends at local public, so the switch, while challenging to me in terms of pedagogical / philosophical alignment, would likely be just fine for kid.

Would this be enough to make you switch?

This exact thing happens at certain public schools. The only good thing about it is that you would be paying less (taxes vs tuition).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a reason to leave if your kid is doing well. I have a college aged kid and a hs senior. I disliked a large portion of the parent body at first kids school but it’s a “big 3” and provides s top notch education so oh well. I just didn’t volunteer or socialize there much. Second kids’ school’s parent community is far less obnoxious and toxic but I can’t say I love it - and more importantly realized after experience with kid #1 I don’t have to engage. By hs it really really doesn’t matter. I’d say it’s most important in middle school and least important in hs. Lower school can go either way.

Interesting--thanks for sharing your experience. I'd love to hear why you think it's most important in middle school.

.

Because most kids that age are unhappy or “less comfortable in their own skin” and there are often lots of social issues in middle school years. This is fairly common in all schools - private or public, small or big, progressive or conservative. It’s just a few tough years for many kids. If you have good connections among the parent community it really helps you keep a pulse on what other kids are going through, if your child’s complaints are universal or unique to them, provide opportunities to give your kid a bit of social support, etc…. Middle school is just toughest for most kids and a time when having parent connections may help. It’s not crucial though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a reason to leave if your kid is doing well. I have a college aged kid and a hs senior. I disliked a large portion of the parent body at first kids school but it’s a “big 3” and provides s top notch education so oh well. I just didn’t volunteer or socialize there much. Second kids’ school’s parent community is far less obnoxious and toxic but I can’t say I love it - and more importantly realized after experience with kid #1 I don’t have to engage. By hs it really really doesn’t matter. I’d say it’s most important in middle school and least important in hs. Lower school can go either way.

Interesting--thanks for sharing your experience. I'd love to hear why you think it's most important in middle school.

.

Because most kids that age are unhappy or “less comfortable in their own skin” and there are often lots of social issues in middle school years. This is fairly common in all schools - private or public, small or big, progressive or conservative. It’s just a few tough years for many kids. If you have good connections among the parent community it really helps you keep a pulse on what other kids are going through, if your child’s complaints are universal or unique to them, provide opportunities to give your kid a bit of social support, etc…. Middle school is just toughest for most kids and a time when having parent connections may help. It’s not crucial though.

Thanks, that's helpful.