Who the heck are these people with never enough food for guests?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I talked about this tonight. His ILs are the extreme of no-food/no-plan. My ILs are the extreme of there’s plenty of food and always a plan, but it’s very formal—everyone eats all meals and snacks together, seated at the table. No “free-form” breakfast or even snacking. There’s no veering from the set menu, or even mentioning other ideas for food. We honestly don’t know which is worse.

I think no food/no plan is better. My inlaws are like this, and we always stop at the grocery store on the way to their house from the airport and stock up all basic food my kids eat, plus we order take out for everyone every night we are there.

[Anonymous]

Every time I read about these people I’m viscerally horrified. Feeding guests is SO important to my idea of being a good host. I’m sorry to all you suffering through this! May you get home and to sane food space soon!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother was like this - she'd have a thing of like, cheese, crackers and grapes, and if anyone was hungry she'd wave it off and be like "We'll serve the meal soon," and "soon" could mean two hours later.

That seems normal to me … fast metabolism 45-year-old

Really, that's normal? So half a grapefruit for breakfast, then the cheese and grapes for lunch, then wait to eat dinner? No honey, that's not normal.

Sounds reasonable to me. Are you fat?

NP. Are you a mean girl with an earring disorder? They usually go hand in hand.

[Anonymous]

My mom. She has a fridge and pantry full of junk and we won’t eat any of it. She’s local so we bring or cook our own meals.

We’ve tried leaving a stash of favorite foods but she ends up giving it back to us saying she doesn’t want to keep extra food (and in this case I’m thinking about a case of seltzer water)

2 of 3DC have nut allergies but my mom has a shelf of mixed nuts, cashews, almonds, macadamias and candy with these nuts in them. She buys boxes of donuts from Giant, whole milk and white bread. She’ll announce that she has a full fridge and please don’t bring anything over to her house…

I’ve been GF for over a decade and my mom will not understand why I don’t want a snack of triscuits and wheat thins.

She now dictates what (few) restaurants she will allow should we insist upon ordering carryout and it’s places like Dominos and a nearby grill.

TL; DR = control

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother was like this - she'd have a thing of like, cheese, crackers and grapes, and if anyone was hungry she'd wave it off and be like "We'll serve the meal soon," and "soon" could mean two hours later.

That seems normal to me … fast metabolism 45-year-old

Really, that's normal? So half a grapefruit for breakfast, then the cheese and grapes for lunch, then wait to eat dinner? No honey, that's not normal.

Sounds reasonable to me. Are you fat?

NP. Are you a mean girl with an earring disorder? They usually go hand in hand.

Nope. I’m a dude. How misogynist of you. 😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Mom. My cousin stayed with her for a week and she basically starved him. He could eat if she didn't feel like eating. They'd go out all day and they'd have one meal.

Your cousin stays in a hotel next time. One with a full, complementary breakfast served downstairs in the dining room until 10 a.m.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I talked about this tonight. His ILs are the extreme of no-food/no-plan. My ILs are the extreme of there’s plenty of food and always a plan, but it’s very formal—everyone eats all meals and snacks together, seated at the table. No “free-form” breakfast or even snacking. There’s no veering from the set menu, or even mentioning other ideas for food. We honestly don’t know which is worse.

Formal snacks! I love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws. I lost 10lbs the last time we visited. Didn’t feed us and didn’t invite us to use the kitchen.

I know this is not the point of the post but can I have their address as I would love to lose 10 lbs 😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I talked about this tonight. His ILs are the extreme of no-food/no-plan. My ILs are the extreme of there’s plenty of food and always a plan, but it’s very formal—everyone eats all meals and snacks together, seated at the table. No “free-form” breakfast or even snacking. There’s no veering from the set menu, or even mentioning other ideas for food. We honestly don’t know which is worse.

Formal snacks! I love it.

It’s true, though. They don’t just put out cheese and crackers. They put it in the middle of the kitchen table and no one may have any until everyone is sitting down at the table. And even if you don’t want any, you are expected to sit and “chat” while others eat. They will seriously sit there and tell my kids no cheese and crackers until mommy is out of the bathroom and sitting with us, even if I don’t want to eat cheese and crackers. They are insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol my ex’s mom once made a special breakfast for all 3 of us, it was a single serving tub of Greek yogurt divided three ways!

My MIL once asked me if I wanted to split a can of vegetable soup. The whole can had 240 calories. I had just come in from a 6 mile run and she looked at me like I was crazy for wanting my own can + a small turkey sandwich for lunch. I think she eats less than 1000 calories a day and 250 of those calories are wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I seriously can't imagine it. My parents and in-laws always have more than enough and getting food from their kitchens at non meal times is never an issue. I would be so outta there if I had to deal with this bs.

We've had two times in the last year that my parents were out of town while we passed through and we stayed at their house. My mother WILL NOT stop remarking on how we didn't eat anything. I am like we got there at 8pm and left the next morning at 9am!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many people eat less as they age, so they might forget what it’s like to want to eat more frequently.

Others are the type who are still strict calorie-counters with a 1970s/80s mentality and can’t understand why half a grapefruit isn’t enough to tide you over from the time you get up until the time you have dinner. There have been many threads on here about parents/IL’s (typically the mother) having disordered eating and expecting their children and grandchildren to follow along.

I’m the pp with the foreign in-laws. My sense is that MIL is just done taking care of other people. She lives in a very patriarchal society and raised a half-dozen kids in rudimentary conditions while FIL came to the US to work. FIL is domineering and mean. My sense is this is her version of a bra burner. She lives as if he doesn’t exist and like hell she’s going to wait on anyone anymore. Which I fully respect. But their village doesn’t have amenities like restaurants. And I don’t speak enough of the language to fend for myself. So we were limited to eating when we visited others, which we did daily. But still. I practically ran to the nearest airport wine bar when we landed back in the US.

In "Live from Baghdad," Peter Roth famously takes a suitcase full of tunafish to Iraq. I suggest similar or figure out the local culture. They either have relatives or domestic help that can get you to the local market.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIL is like this and totally controlling about food. When we stay with her she dictates the menu (with little regard to what people actually like) and meal times and expects the kitchen to be closed otherwise. Last time we had dinner with her she prepared 3 small chicken breasts to feed 6 people - her, me/DH/BIL (all healthy, active adults who like to eat) plus a tween and a teen. She acted shocked when I offered my chicken to my hangry kids who scarfed down their small portion in a few bites, like it hasn't happened a million time before. On occasion she makes dessert, but insists that it hs to be eaten directly after dinner when everyone is still seated at the table. I declined once and said maybe I would have some a bit later in the night and was told a strict "No!"

The only thing I don't get about this - unless it's like one night a year - is why no one SAYS something. I just could not do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother was like this - she'd have a thing of like, cheese, crackers and grapes, and if anyone was hungry she'd wave it off and be like "We'll serve the meal soon," and "soon" could mean two hours later.

That seems normal to me … fast metabolism 45-year-old

I was thinking the same. Seems fine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is like this and totally controlling about food. When we stay with her she dictates the menu (with little regard to what people actually like) and meal times and expects the kitchen to be closed otherwise. Last time we had dinner with her she prepared 3 small chicken breasts to feed 6 people - her, me/DH/BIL (all healthy, active adults who like to eat) plus a tween and a teen. She acted shocked when I offered my chicken to my hangry kids who scarfed down their small portion in a few bites, like it hasn't happened a million time before. On occasion she makes dessert, but insists that it hs to be eaten directly after dinner when everyone is still seated at the table. I declined once and said maybe I would have some a bit later in the night and was told a strict "No!"

The only thing I don't get about this - unless it's like one night a year - is why no one SAYS something. I just could not do this.

My MIL pulled this stunt a few years ago when we were all gathered at her house. She wouldn’t let anyone cook but served teeny portions for the first day. My DH is the youngest and was unsure about saying something. Immediately after dinner was cleared on the second night his sister and brother announced that they were going out for pizza and everyone was welcome to join. The entire house except for MIL emptied out in 5 seconds. She’s been serving normal portions ever since.