How to decline a playdate request?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all, I got some helpful advice here. My child did NOT want a playdate with this classmate. So if I were to arrange one, I'd be forcing one on my child, and also, it probably would not go well. I don't want to force my child to be put in that position.

And this was not just gossip. I heard the stories from my own child, and it was confirmed by other parents. The principal had to come in and physically remove the child from the other classmates.

I'm empathetic that some kids are really struggling and they are acting out. There's been a lot of that going on in the schools. But I also feel protective of my own child who is anxious about school and experienced a different classmate punching him in the face repeatedly while screaming death threats. At some point you have to draw the line.

Next time be more clear in your OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all, I got some helpful advice here. My child did NOT want a playdate with this classmate. So if I were to arrange one, I'd be forcing one on my child, and also, it probably would not go well. I don't want to force my child to be put in that position.

And this was not just gossip. I heard the stories from my own child, and it was confirmed by other parents. The principal had to come in and physically remove the child from the other classmates.

I'm empathetic that some kids are really struggling and they are acting out. There's been a lot of that going on in the schools. But I also feel protective of my own child who is anxious about school and experienced a different classmate punching him in the face repeatedly while screaming death threats. At some point you have to draw the line.

Oh wow! Yeah that kid is not ready for play dates right now. I am a PP who suggested you ask your kid so agree with not forcing this. I hope things improve for that kid and yours, OP. Maybe in a couple years the child will have gotten help and you can get together then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all, I got some helpful advice here. My child did NOT want a playdate with this classmate. So if I were to arrange one, I'd be forcing one on my child, and also, it probably would not go well. I don't want to force my child to be put in that position.

And this was not just gossip. I heard the stories from my own child, and it was confirmed by other parents. The principal had to come in and physically remove the child from the other classmates.

I'm empathetic that some kids are really struggling and they are acting out. There's been a lot of that going on in the schools. But I also feel protective of my own child who is anxious about school and experienced a different classmate punching him in the face repeatedly while screaming death threats. At some point you have to draw the line.

Next time be more clear in your OP.

How wasn't I clear? I said in the OP that this child screams, bites, licks, and physically attacks other children, as reported by my child and other parents. And when my child came home from school, I also asked if they would be open to a playdate with this classmate, and it was a resounding no.

[Anonymous]

I think the general consensus here is decline but don’t ignore.

[Anonymous]

I would ignore the people who are talking badly about a CHILD and schedule a weekend morning park playdate. Judge from there with your own eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not big into gossip. I'd probably schedule a neutral playdate at a park or something and form my own opinions. People can be so nasty. I don't trust much of what anyone says.

+10000. I had a (toxic) former mom friend that crap talked perfectly lovely kids to anyone that would listen. Anyone but her own special snowflake.

This! Is this preschool or early elementary? This mom might be trying to arrange playdates in an effort to help her child, and I'd want to help anyone in that effort. Now of course if on the playdate my child was being attacked, we probably wouldn't have another one right away, but I wouldn't decline b/c of gossip.

[Anonymous]

What about saying Suzie isn't available but if you'd ever want to meet for a coffee let me know. I have reached out randomly to parents in class to setup playdates b/c my kid was struggling (granted not with anything physical but just tears, nerves).

[Anonymous]

I think it's clear in this particular situation, OP should decline, using some of the generic language provided (but don't leave it open, I don't like the "not right now" language if you really don't ever plan to get together be more direct about it ).

But for others in a similar situation, the consensus is to give the kid a chance, with a short and supervised get together, if you are able to do so, and if your child doesn't object. I would not suggest this if your child says "NO, I never want to be near that kid". But if your kid is ambivalent, give it a try, and if it doesn't go well you can say "they didn't seem to get along very well so we don't want to get together again soon".

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I very rarely do playdates. None in COVID.

"We aren't doing playdates for the foreseeable future."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ignore the people who are talking badly about a CHILD and schedule a weekend morning park playdate. Judge from there with your own eyes.

You got that one of the people talking badly about the CHILD is OP's own child, right? Who does not want a playdate with this kid because he hits and threatens other kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ignore the people who are talking badly about a CHILD and schedule a weekend morning park playdate. Judge from there with your own eyes.

You got that one of the people talking badly about the CHILD is OP's own child, right? Who does not want a playdate with this kid because he hits and threatens other kids?

There was a child with some challenging behavior in my daughter’s class. I told my daughter to lead with empathy, but protect herself, too. I explained that when kids are acting out, they’re usually not feeling okay (threatened, scared, anxious, overwhelmed, sad) and not sure how to handle all that. It’s okay to reach out and try to just be kind or a calm presence even if you’re not going to be besties.
A lot of kids have been though trauma with Covid, and this is our kids’ lifelong peer group. Avoidance isn’t going to serve them well.

[Anonymous]

So, I was on the other side of this a few years ago. Had trouble getting play dates for my son. Turns out 1. I was asking the wrong people (we discovered he had two great friends from the other class the next year) and 2. One mom who I texted told me no thank you, because her son says my son hits. She was nice about it and I honestly appreciated it. I’m not sure if it was true. This was pre-k, and my son had some sensory processing issues that he has since outgrown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a gossipy jerk. Give the child a chance and see for yourself what his/her behavior is. You may be surprised.

Blow me b! Tch

[Anonymous]

So sad that we are all recommending bad behavior. Tell the truth in a nice way.

Thank you for your text - I am sorry this may not be a good fit. Honesty is always best. Always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I was on the other side of this a few years ago. Had trouble getting play dates for my son. Turns out 1. I was asking the wrong people (we discovered he had two great friends from the other class the next year) and 2. One mom who I texted told me no thank you, because her son says my son hits. She was nice about it and I honestly appreciated it. I’m not sure if it was true. This was pre-k, and my son had some sensory processing issues that he has since outgrown.

This