How to decline a playdate request?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I'm sorry, Suzy isn't available"
Don't white lie

"Thanks so much for the invite but she isn't available."

[Anonymous]

Sometimes a little perspective from the other side can be helpful. My five year old has done the biting, hitting, etc. in the classroom, and we're waiting for Childfind to do the official assessment next month but he seems to be having a sensory processing issue in the classroom.

The same kid is the first to offer his toys to his brother and neighborhood friends, and plays nicely with all of them. He's a super loving child whose brain is having trouble. He's literally asked me to take his brain out so he can make good choices at school.

It kills me that he's dealing with this and I can only imagine what some of his friends must tell their parents. And if he was playing with your kid on the playground and not at school, he's an excellent friend.

Just perspective from the other side that things aren't always what you think they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of posters seem to have missed that OP's own child has also spoken about the kid's bad behavior.

That said, I don't think there's any harm whatsoever in meeting at the playground for an hour.

(And the people who suggest just ignoring a text must have been raised by wolves.)

I saw that. I'd be hesitant to rely on parental gossip, but if my own kid is reporting that this kid has troubling behavior, like hitting/pushing/kicking, or is extremely disruptive in class, or whatever, especially unprompted (so I didn't ask about the kid, she just volunteered, when talking about her day, that Larlo hit someone or whatever), I'd believe that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes a little perspective from the other side can be helpful. My five year old has done the biting, hitting, etc. in the classroom, and we're waiting for Childfind to do the official assessment next month but he seems to be having a sensory processing issue in the classroom.

The same kid is the first to offer his toys to his brother and neighborhood friends, and plays nicely with all of them. He's a super loving child whose brain is having trouble. He's literally asked me to take his brain out so he can make good choices at school.

It kills me that he's dealing with this and I can only imagine what some of his friends must tell their parents. And if he was playing with your kid on the playground and not at school, he's an excellent friend.

Just perspective from the other side that things aren't always what you think they are.

I’m sure you can understand why, if a child in his class sees him biting and hitting, they wouldn’t want to be around him any more than absolutely necessary. That’s totally reasonable.

[Anonymous]

I'm a parent of a child who other people may perceive as having behavior issues at school, so weighing in here with some of that perspective. Please don't ignore my text or email. I don't know if you're ignoring it because you didn't see it, or because you don't want to hang out around my kid. We are new to the school and I'm trying to be proactive about meeting other families, and always offer a "let's meet at a playground for a short time" because I get that not all kids click and maybe you don't want to hang out with me, but when you just don't respond, it makes me reaching out to the next family really difficult and causes a lot of anxiety.

I love the posters who suggested that you give the kid a chance, and pick a neutral location where you can observe. That would be ideal for us, and as other have also noted, my son is an excellent friend in those situations, we've never had a single problem with any play dates. He just gets overwhelmed at school (he is not violent, just hyperactive and disobedient at times).

But, if you child doesn't want to play with my child, please just respond so I know you saw it. Something generic like "We aren't able to get together now, but thank you for reaching out. Happy holidays!" is fine. Then I'll understand that you saw my message and don't want to meet up. Your choice, no hard feelings. If I see you at carpool or school events I will still say hi.

I had a parent (I think) ignore an email I sent last month, and I have run in to the parent at pick up a few times and it's super awkward. I don't want to bring it up "hey did you get my email" if she is in fact trying to avoid me, but I don't have any way of knowing if maybe I sent it to the wrong address or something like that and she would be willing to meet up... just do anything except ignore please!

[Anonymous]

Agree with others that have said ignoring is NOT the way to go. Ignoring a request for a playdate based on hearsay would be seriously lacking in empathy and respect for the other person and child. I imagine it's tough to be in the position of the other mom and child (and I say this as someone who has children who do not have behavioral or social issues). If you really don't want to do it, a kind excuse should be sufficient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a parent of a child who other people may perceive as having behavior issues at school, so weighing in here with some of that perspective. Please don't ignore my text or email. I don't know if you're ignoring it because you didn't see it, or because you don't want to hang out around my kid. We are new to the school and I'm trying to be proactive about meeting other families, and always offer a "let's meet at a playground for a short time" because I get that not all kids click and maybe you don't want to hang out with me, but when you just don't respond, it makes me reaching out to the next family really difficult and causes a lot of anxiety.

I love the posters who suggested that you give the kid a chance, and pick a neutral location where you can observe. That would be ideal for us, and as other have also noted, my son is an excellent friend in those situations, we've never had a single problem with any play dates. He just gets overwhelmed at school (he is not violent, just hyperactive and disobedient at times).

But, if you child doesn't want to play with my child, please just respond so I know you saw it. Something generic like "We aren't able to get together now, but thank you for reaching out. Happy holidays!" is fine. Then I'll understand that you saw my message and don't want to meet up. Your choice, no hard feelings. If I see you at carpool or school events I will still say hi.

I had a parent (I think) ignore an email I sent last month, and I have run in to the parent at pick up a few times and it's super awkward. I don't want to bring it up "hey did you get my email" if she is in fact trying to avoid me, but I don't have any way of knowing if maybe I sent it to the wrong address or something like that and she would be willing to meet up... just do anything except ignore please!

Hugs to you, PP. You sound like a kind, warm person and a good mom. I’m sorry some other moms are treating you this way.

[Anonymous]

OP talk to your kid. If they are ok meeting at a neutral site like a playground then set up a play date. Oh we'd love to meet at X playground. We can meet from 1-2 pm but have a commitment afterwards so 2 pm is a hard stop. If it goes poorly then you know to refuse next time. If it goes well your kid has a new playground friend.

If your kid doesn't want to meet the kid at all just say hey got your text but we're crazy right now with the holiday. I hope you guys have a wonderful holiday and happy new year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just ignore the text.

Don’t ignore the text. What is wrong with people?! It’s incredibly rude and you will see those people again. It’s so easy to decline politely with an excuse.

[Anonymous]

We have this kid in out class. I accepted the play date and everything I heard about the kid was true. Now the mom won’t leave me alone and is constantly trying to arrange play dates and is quite persistent/aggressive about it.

If I were you, I’d just say you aren’t doing play dates right now and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all, I got some helpful advice here. My child did NOT want a playdate with this classmate. So if I were to arrange one, I'd be forcing one on my child, and also, it probably would not go well. I don't want to force my child to be put in that position.

And this was not just gossip. I heard the stories from my own child, and it was confirmed by other parents. The principal had to come in and physically remove the child from the other classmates.

I'm empathetic that some kids are really struggling and they are acting out. There's been a lot of that going on in the schools. But I also feel protective of my own child who is anxious about school and experienced a different classmate punching him in the face repeatedly while screaming death threats. At some point you have to draw the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all, I got some helpful advice here. My child did NOT want a playdate with this classmate. So if I were to arrange one, I'd be forcing one on my child, and also, it probably would not go well. I don't want to force my child to be put in that position.

And this was not just gossip. I heard the stories from my own child, and it was confirmed by other parents. The principal had to come in and physically remove the child from the other classmates.

I'm empathetic that some kids are really struggling and they are acting out. There's been a lot of that going on in the schools. But I also feel protective of my own child who is anxious about school and experienced a different classmate punching him in the face repeatedly while screaming death threats. At some point you have to draw the line.

"I don't think that will work for us, thanks."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all, I got some helpful advice here. My child did NOT want a playdate with this classmate. So if I were to arrange one, I'd be forcing one on my child, and also, it probably would not go well. I don't want to force my child to be put in that position.

And this was not just gossip. I heard the stories from my own child, and it was confirmed by other parents. The principal had to come in and physically remove the child from the other classmates.

I'm empathetic that some kids are really struggling and they are acting out. There's been a lot of that going on in the schools. But I also feel protective of my own child who is anxious about school and experienced a different classmate punching him in the face repeatedly while screaming death threats. At some point you have to draw the line.

JFC where is this school??? Never mind the playdates, you need to find a new school!

[Anonymous]

Don’t ignore the text but some other people have suggested “ we are really busy right now and it’s not a good time. Happy holidays!“

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of posters seem to have missed that OP's own child has also spoken about the kid's bad behavior.

That said, I don't think there's any harm whatsoever in meeting at the playground for an hour.

(And the people who suggest just ignoring a text must have been raised by wolves.)

No we didn't, many of us have noted that some children are very different in a one on one setting than they are in the classroom.