How to decline a playdate request?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I'm sorry, Suzy isn't available"
Don't white lie

This is best and don’t say maybe later if you have no intention on doing so.

But you are going completely off of rumors. Did you ask your child if they want a playdate? Start with that and don’t give any extra information. My daughter has had two friends in elementary school who other parents gossiped terribly about and said they never wanted their kids around them. I have no idea why. The girls have been friends for years and always nice. Maybe they have issues in school but I have never seen any. I’m sure some were gossiping about my son in early elementary! He definitely had some class behavior issues in the early years! He didn’t do well in school with all of the structured rules but was fine elsewhere. Eventually he matured.

[Anonymous]

I'm not big into gossip. I'd probably schedule a neutral playdate at a park or something and form my own opinions. People can be so nasty. I don't trust much of what anyone says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not big into gossip. I'd probably schedule a neutral playdate at a park or something and form my own opinions. People can be so nasty. I don't trust much of what anyone says.

+10000. I had a (toxic) former mom friend that crap talked perfectly lovely kids to anyone that would listen. Anyone but her own special snowflake.

[Anonymous]

If you can spare an hour, do it. Kids generally do the best they can. Many kids go through a spell where they're the wild one or rude one or misbehaving one. It's cruel to write off a small child.

I agree with PP's to schedule 1 hour with a hard stop at a park or somewhere you would likely be going anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or "Oh, thank you for reaching out! We are swamped for the next several weeks, but I'll try to get back to you when we have some free time. Happy Holidays!"

On another point, you may want to just be nice and meet up with her and her kid at a playground for an hour. You set the time and the place. "Hi Susan, can you meet us at XX Playground from 10am - 11am (hard stop) on Saturday?" Don't offer other options and if she offers to host, just say you are doing outside playdates b/c covid. Maybe her kid will behave this time.

If the kid does not, you can have a real excuse when she texts you again. IE - "Larla and Sharla didn't seem to get along last time. Let's give it a little time before we schedule again. Hope all is well."

Please do not ignore. That is so incredibly rude.

I agree with the bolded here. I wiuld not blindly trust gossip and would give a child a chance. The gossio coukd be false, grossly exaggerated, or have an explanation. I’d find out for myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or "Oh, thank you for reaching out! We are swamped for the next several weeks, but I'll try to get back to you when we have some free time. Happy Holidays!"

On another point, you may want to just be nice and meet up with her and her kid at a playground for an hour. You set the time and the place. "Hi Susan, can you meet us at XX Playground from 10am - 11am (hard stop) on Saturday?" Don't offer other options and if she offers to host, just say you are doing outside playdates b/c covid. Maybe her kid will behave this time.

If the kid does not, you can have a real excuse when she texts you again. IE - "Larla and Sharla didn't seem to get along last time. Let's give it a little time before we schedule again. Hope all is well."

Please do not ignore. That is so incredibly rude.

I agree with the bolded here. I wiuld not blindly trust gossip and would give a child a chance. The gossio coukd be false, grossly exaggerated, or have an explanation. I’d find out for myself.

Glad to see there are still kind people in this world! I like the outdoor playdate option. Keep it short, but give the child a chance. You have no idea what is going on with that child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or "Oh, thank you for reaching out! We are swamped for the next several weeks, but I'll try to get back to you when we have some free time. Happy Holidays!"

On another point, you may want to just be nice and meet up with her and her kid at a playground for an hour. You set the time and the place. "Hi Susan, can you meet us at XX Playground from 10am - 11am (hard stop) on Saturday?" Don't offer other options and if she offers to host, just say you are doing outside playdates b/c covid. Maybe her kid will behave this time.

If the kid does not, you can have a real excuse when she texts you again. IE - "Larla and Sharla didn't seem to get along last time. Let's give it a little time before we schedule again. Hope all is well."

Please do not ignore. That is so incredibly rude.

I agree with the bolded here. I wiuld not blindly trust gossip and would give a child a chance. The gossio coukd be false, grossly exaggerated, or have an explanation. I’d find out for myself.

I would, assuming that my kid wanted a playdate with this kid. If not, no playdate. There are kids that my kid doesn't like because they hit/punch/kick other kids, and I'm not making her have a playdate with them. But if she said it was okay, then I'd do the hour-at-the-playground thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or "Oh, thank you for reaching out! We are swamped for the next several weeks, but I'll try to get back to you when we have some free time. Happy Holidays!"

On another point, you may want to just be nice and meet up with her and her kid at a playground for an hour. You set the time and the place. "Hi Susan, can you meet us at XX Playground from 10am - 11am (hard stop) on Saturday?" Don't offer other options and if she offers to host, just say you are doing outside playdates b/c covid. Maybe her kid will behave this time.

If the kid does not, you can have a real excuse when she texts you again. IE - "Larla and Sharla didn't seem to get along last time. Let's give it a little time before we schedule again. Hope all is well."

+1

[Anonymous]

“That doesn’t work for us”
But go back to the pp who said school can make kids really anxious and the one who said what other parents say should not always be believed.
A playground play date for a defined amount of time is probably fine.
My kid has some special needs and we don’t get a lot of play date invites (shrug). Yet we go to the park frequently and often run into classmates who are very happy to run around with my child for a while. We’d leave the second my child seemed overstimulated and unable to make pro-social choices, but this really just doesn’t happen there.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a gossipy jerk. Give the child a chance and see for yourself what his/her behavior is. You may be surprised.

[Anonymous]

Give the kid a chance on a time limited playdate at the park. You have an engagement to get to at 11:30, so it needs to end at 11. She doesn't need to know that you're going home for hot chocolate!

If your kid really does not do well on the playdate and she asks again, just say "Larlo isn't into playdates these days and he's asked me not to schedule them. Sorry!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not big into gossip. I'd probably schedule a neutral playdate at a park or something and form my own opinions. People can be so nasty. I don't trust much of what anyone says.

+1 I would meet in a public place and see how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or "Oh, thank you for reaching out! We are swamped for the next several weeks, but I'll try to get back to you when we have some free time. Happy Holidays!"

On another point, you may want to just be nice and meet up with her and her kid at a playground for an hour. You set the time and the place. "Hi Susan, can you meet us at XX Playground from 10am - 11am (hard stop) on Saturday?" Don't offer other options and if she offers to host, just say you are doing outside playdates b/c covid. Maybe her kid will behave this time.

If the kid does not, you can have a real excuse when she texts you again. IE - "Larla and Sharla didn't seem to get along last time. Let's give it a little time before we schedule again. Hope all is well."

Please do not ignore. That is so incredibly rude.

I agree with the bolded here. I wiuld not blindly trust gossip and would give a child a chance. The gossio coukd be false, grossly exaggerated, or have an explanation. I’d find out for myself.

Yes, this! If the kid is actively hurting your kid they won’t want to go and you should not force it. My kid is another of those who has had some issues this year (just verbal outbursts) and we have great play dates when people give DC a chance. She is perfectly capable of being a great friend and we are working on the outbursts. A lot of kids are struggling this year OP….

I would, assuming that my kid wanted a playdate with this kid. If not, no playdate. There are kids that my kid doesn't like because they hit/punch/kick other kids, and I'm not making her have a playdate with them. But if she said it was okay, then I'd do the hour-at-the-playground thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not big into gossip. I'd probably schedule a neutral playdate at a park or something and form my own opinions. People can be so nasty. I don't trust much of what anyone says.

+10000. I had a (toxic) former mom friend that crap talked perfectly lovely kids to anyone that would listen. Anyone but her own special snowflake.

+1

Yes. I was shocked to hear parents bad mouthing children - especially when their own kid instigated so much drama.

[Anonymous]

A lot of posters seem to have missed that OP's own child has also spoken about the kid's bad behavior.

That said, I don't think there's any harm whatsoever in meeting at the playground for an hour.

(And the people who suggest just ignoring a text must have been raised by wolves.)