Husband blows up whenever he gets upset

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He suffers from depression. He tells me that rage is not ok in the sense that when he gets really annoyed he has thrown things at me and has admitted that is too mucin. But calling me names, mocking me and storming out of the room / slamming doors, he says I provoke him through my annoying behavior. So he says it’s in direct response to that. Again, he can become very agitated easily. The other week I put the laundry on too late. He got very annoyed at me. When I responded in an annoyed fashion to his annoyance he said he hates me and he wants to get a divorce.

It’s some mental disorder causing his depression. Hope he’s on lexapro daily and in a 12 step anger mgmt program.

Blowing up is NOT acceptable. Draw a hard line.

No more kids w him either.

He took Lexapro for 8 months and it did not help.

He started therapy a few months ago but it’s not helping much either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he show signs of this kind of behavior before kids, or was it almost non-existent?

He was short tempered and sometimes sarcastic but the change is tremendous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he working? Is he forgetful there? Does he blow up at people there?

He is not forgetful there. He does not blow up but is easily annoyed and also catastrophizes any setback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I guess where I struggle is in a sense he would not do these things unless he responded to a negative stimuli. I guess some women might be overall better than I am. So he does have a point on some ways. I am trying to understand the balance. The problem is some of these things are so trivial. But if I ask him to not forget to do something - he normally forgets because he is depressed so he does not like thinking about logistics anymore he tells me his mind is elsewhere and he cannot control it - he can blow up out of proportion.

This is heartbreaking OP. Think about the lesson your child is learning. If mommy is annoying it’s ok for daddy to rage and slam doors? Do you want your child to think this is normal and what they should expect for themselves? If you are annoying (not getting into whether you are or not in these circumstances- it literally doesn’t matter)your spouse can be annoyed but they have the responsibility to express that annoyance in a healthy way. It sounds like your sense of self is really badly damaged at this point in time so I hope you will find a professional to talk to to help you think about what to do.

Yes I told him that I don’t think he should blow up at me if I am annoying. He tells me it’s because I am very annoying. Sometimes he wants to divorce. He’s not entirely sure though if he wants to or not. He mentions it in fights every other week or so when he blows up.