At what age did you become your parents' "parent"

[Anonymous]

I pretty much felt like the parent and not parented when my oldest was 2.5 and I had a 6 month old as well. I was mid 30s and all 4 of our grandparents had just died too. I put my foot down and required holidays in my home. I planned the schedule, planned the menu and my parents just showed up. They just showed up from then on out. The holidays just shifted to my kids being the center of everything versus the middle generation of Dh and I. And then my dad started asking for our help nonstop and they needed more help. I still feel like the shift happened when we got to host holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was 14. Mom had severe mental illness.

This is what I came here to say also.

Tables started turning when I was 11 or 12 but it wasn’t cemented until freshman year of high school. Of course it took some therapy in my 20s to process it and put our relationship into words.

She lives with us and with my own kids hitting middle school, it feels like I’ve been the mom for a very, very, very long time. Just tired.

14 yo poster here - and now I have a child with mental illness. Mom has passed, but this is far worse. Tired doesn't begin to describe it.

[Anonymous]

It happened instantaneously when my mom was 60 and diagnosed with cancer and eventually died. I was 37. She went from fully self sufficient to completely mentally dependent on me overnight. As in, she couldn’t even phone a doctor on her own behalf - I had to do it all.