At what age did you become your parents' "parent"

[Anonymous]

Is this a middle-age thing? Tonight is Hanukkah. My mom passed two years ago. My dad came over tonight having completely forgot the dessert he was going to bring, and with nothing for my husband nor me. Not that we need gifts, but my parents used to make a big show out of one "big" first night gift. He's reminding us how he likes his soup "extra hot" and is waiting to be served. It's all fine...I just remember holidays where we were the "kids" (even the adult kids) and they were the parents who cooked, gifted, etc. It's just a strange and poignant shift as time passes.

[Anonymous]

This is pretty typical. You are in the sandwich. I feel for you.

[Anonymous]

For us it's complicated because we have to parent them, but also be deferential because they are difficult control freaks.It's exhausting and for us it happened by the time they were late 70s.

[Anonymous]

Are we all destined to sandwich our kids at some point? Ugggg.

[Anonymous]

For us it was between 70 and 80

[Anonymous]

I was in my late 30's. Was not expecting to to be in the sandwich so soon.

[Anonymous]

If you mean gifts and being waited on ~ I'd say when you are in your thirties. Unless there are younger siblings, you are now the lead.

If you mean care and being responsible for the elders well being, generally around when they turn 80. Sooner for men, typically if they lose their spouse.

[Anonymous]

43-44. It happened fast and I was wholly unprepared even though I knew it was coming. Not fun to have two teens and two parents who act like children.

[Anonymous]

43. one parent died and so me and my sibling were suddenly in charge of the other parent who has dementia. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

35 when I had to start taking my dad to his medical appointments, bribe him to eat his dinner, and, then manage his hospice meds. I also now help my mom with paying bills and managing household stuff, I imagine soon it will be more because her memory isn't what it once was and my grandmother had dementia, and I suspect this is the start. I'm only 37.

I wish I just had to worry about forgotten soup and gifts.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry it has happened to some of you so early. It's a lot to take care of an aging parent. Sending good thoughts your way.

[Anonymous]

42

[Anonymous]

42 as well for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you mean gifts and being waited on ~ I'd say when you are in your thirties. Unless there are younger siblings, you are now the lead.

If you mean care and being responsible for the elders well being, generally around when they turn 80. Sooner for men, typically if they lose their spouse.

I’d agree with this. One day my mom called me and told me to come take the all the pesach stuff. I was told she was done and it was now my turn. I was in my late 20s. I’m 50 now and my has mom passed away. My dad is 80. He lives with me. Today he handed me a fitted sheet and said I can’t fold this. I asked him how he’s been doing it for the last 10 years and he said he didn’t know. There was no acknowledgement from him that tonight was the first night of Hanukkah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:43. one parent died and so me and my sibling were suddenly in charge of the other parent who has dementia. It sucks.

40, same story, my mom passed away so now I schedule the medical appointments, make sure the dog walker is paid, and remind him which menu items he likes. I don't mind but it is creating some mental health issues on my side.