How to deal with snack culture if you follow Ellyn Satter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. This is the OP. This thread really devolved and became unhelpful. Thanks to the couple of people who answered my actual question. Glad there's a different thread now to debate the merits of Satter's methods, because that was not my question!

And FWIW, my kid only has one snack because that's all he needs, not because I'm starving a hungry kid. He happens to be hungrier later in the day, so he has a big snack (basically a fourth meal) and a huge dinner late in the day, but eats like a bird for breakfast and lunch, so clearly doesn't need a morning snack. He's literally never asked for one at home, nor ever asked for an early lunch. He just gets FOMO when the other kid he's playing with suddenly has a fistful of food on the playground. I know there are a lot of Satter followers here, so I was simply asking other people who follow a similar structure how they handle those situations.

We'll probably do it case by case out of the house, but ask that other kids in our house eat at the table. I like the tip that if he is eating out and about (like at the playground) to still have him sit and eat rather than wander with food. That seems like a good balance. So thanks to folks who mentioned that.

Don’t worry, OP. I wish my kids didn’t snack so much! I had an eating disorder for many years, so I went the opposite route: I never denied my children healthy foods ever, so they eat anytime they are hungry. I also let them skip meals altogether (one of my children only rarely eats dinner). Most importantly, they aren’t food-focused. They eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full, they eat apples and cheese, nuts and candy, vegetables and french fries. One of my biggest fears for my children is that they will become obsessed with food (either how much they want or how little they should have). Obesity and anorexia are two forms of food obsession and I want to avoid both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. This is the OP. This thread really devolved and became unhelpful. Thanks to the couple of people who answered my actual question. Glad there's a different thread now to debate the merits of Satter's methods, because that was not my question!

And FWIW, my kid only has one snack because that's all he needs, not because I'm starving a hungry kid. He happens to be hungrier later in the day, so he has a big snack (basically a fourth meal) and a huge dinner late in the day, but eats like a bird for breakfast and lunch, so clearly doesn't need a morning snack. He's literally never asked for one at home, nor ever asked for an early lunch. He just gets FOMO when the other kid he's playing with suddenly has a fistful of food on the playground. I know there are a lot of Satter followers here, so I was simply asking other people who follow a similar structure how they handle those situations.

We'll probably do it case by case out of the house, but ask that other kids in our house eat at the table. I like the tip that if he is eating out and about (like at the playground) to still have him sit and eat rather than wander with food. That seems like a good balance. So thanks to folks who mentioned that.

You know what OP? You should take your terrible, judgmental self to the mirror. Instead of criticizing “snack culture”, teach your child he doesn’t get stuff just because other kids have it. You can’t control what other people do. The fact that you can’t control your child’s whining and crying in public is a testament to your poor parenting, inability to set proper expectations for your child, and lack of planning and preparation to bring something healthy to the playground when you know your child will feel hungry and want to snack.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you, OP. I only indulge in the constant-snacking tendency on airplanes (because of the mask requirement, honestly). Otherwise she goes to daycare and they eat "snacks" but only at scheduled times.

Not sure how I'd handle the snacking with other kids. I agree not to let him eat while walking around.

I do encourage eating what the adults eat so even if it's a little off-schedule, I let her eat with us. It encourages her to be part of a family meal and try new foods, so it's worth it.

[Anonymous]

We follow satter and the way I always handle things like this is if, for example, we just ate lunch and grandpa hands her a donut with frosting 30 mins later, I say that looks yummy! Do you feel hungry or do you want to save that for your snack time? If kids don’t feel like the food is going to disappear they won’t feel like they MUST eat it now and they can instead consider if they are actually hungry.

Same thing with snacks from her friends after soccer. She sometimes eats them but usually runs to me and says mommy I’m gonna save this for later.

Remember you’re teaching your kid to recognize and honor their hunger so that one day when they’re outside your home environment, they will not feel out of control around foods and instead enjoy some of everything.

Virginia sole smith is a great writer on the topic of loosening up control and fear over WHAT your kids eat, and a good complement to satter for a more well rounded perspective. Subscribe to her email newsletter, it’s awesome and thought provoking!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. This is the OP. This thread really devolved and became unhelpful. Thanks to the couple of people who answered my actual question. Glad there's a different thread now to debate the merits of Satter's methods, because that was not my question!

And FWIW, my kid only has one snack because that's all he needs, not because I'm starving a hungry kid. He happens to be hungrier later in the day, so he has a big snack (basically a fourth meal) and a huge dinner late in the day, but eats like a bird for breakfast and lunch, so clearly doesn't need a morning snack. He's literally never asked for one at home, nor ever asked for an early lunch. He just gets FOMO when the other kid he's playing with suddenly has a fistful of food on the playground. I know there are a lot of Satter followers here, so I was simply asking other people who follow a similar structure how they handle those situations.

We'll probably do it case by case out of the house, but ask that other kids in our house eat at the table. I like the tip that if he is eating out and about (like at the playground) to still have him sit and eat rather than wander with food. That seems like a good balance. So thanks to folks who mentioned that.

OP, if your kid is asking other moms for food at the playground-he IS hungry and needs a snack, duh! My kids NEVER asked another mom for snacks, because I gave my kids snack! I actually did usually have my kids sit and eat snack-but I gave them snack. You don't have to let them run around with food in hand.

[Anonymous]

Don’t control food!!! I followed Satter when my kids were young and my take away was you control the food offered at home and they control what they eat. If you don’t have snacks when all their friends do, your kids will be always wanting what their friends have. I had neighbor kids at my house all the time asking for snacks or going in the pantry because they were hungry and their parents were hyper focused on food. My kids didn’t do this and never felt deprived or that they had to sneak food, or that food was “off limits.” They are teens now and eat healthy, don’t snack very much (on their own). I just don’t think food should be made a big deal. Buy what you want, but if you’re out with friends let them eat what they want if offered.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your kid is hungry and you sound weirdly uptight over food. I’d chill out a bit. It’s fine to have some structure but don’t be overly rigid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We follow satter and the way I always handle things like this is if, for example, we just ate lunch and grandpa hands her a donut with frosting 30 mins later, I say that looks yummy! Do you feel hungry or do you want to save that for your snack time? If kids don’t feel like the food is going to disappear they won’t feel like they MUST eat it now and they can instead consider if they are actually hungry.

Same thing with snacks from her friends after soccer. She sometimes eats them but usually runs to me and says mommy I’m gonna save this for later.

Remember you’re teaching your kid to recognize and honor their hunger so that one day when they’re outside your home environment, they will not feel out of control around foods and instead enjoy some of everything.

Virginia sole smith is a great writer on the topic of loosening up control and fear over WHAT your kids eat, and a good complement to satter for a more well rounded perspective. Subscribe to her email newsletter, it’s awesome and thought provoking!

This. The idea that little kids, and really adults, because this is what it translates to need to eat every 1-3 hours beyond early infancy just, isn't true. Most of us including kids aren't really hungry. We also survived for generations not eating round the clock, most people around the world including kids are healthy and aren't eating round the clock. Eating ( or snacking because that's what we've been conditioned to need) also creates disordered eating and can mess with your hormones well into adulthood. Learning as a child to recognize when you're actually hungry and realizing it's okay to turn down food is so mucch better than having to learn that at 20+

[Anonymous]

This is crazy and sounds like people projecting their own issues with food on their toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
And FWIW, my kid only has one snack because that's all he needs, not because I'm starving a hungry kid. He happens to be hungrier later in the day, so he has a big snack (basically a fourth meal) and a huge dinner late in the day, but eats like a bird for breakfast and lunch, so clearly doesn't need a morning snack.

I don't understand this logic.

If he doesn't actually need a snack midmorning, he won't take it, or he'll take it a few times and then lose interest. If his eating like a bird is because things aren't timed wrong, he might find that his body feels better when it's well fueled, especially when he's getting exercise, and start accepting a snack midmorning. Either way, it's another opportunity for him to learn how his body responds.

But the fact that he didn't eat a lot of breakfast is a sign he's more likely to need midmorning snack and not less. Plus Satter is about trust, if you aren't trusting him to make his own choice about morning snack it's just not Satter.