How to deal with snack culture if you follow Ellyn Satter

[Anonymous]

So the Ellyn Satter thing is working really well with our toddler. He's almost 2, so the wheels could fall off the wagon at any moment, but for now, it's going great. He eats four times a day at the table - breakfast, lunch, post-nap snack, and dinner.

We have run into the issue that he is really used to eating what we're eating, so he loses his mind if you try to eat something and not share. Its so rare that this happens (usually we're all eating together) that I've generally just given him a tiny piece and haven't thought much about it.

However - now that the pandemic has wound down, we're spending more time with other families which is WONDERFUL. We also moved, and are now on a block with a ton of kids his age.

But the Cult of the Snack is so insidious. Anytime we see another toddler in the morning, they're carting around a snack. And of course the other kid (and parents) are always happy to share. But I really don't want my kid to get into this "always eating" mentality. I also don't like the walking around eating thing. And what do we do when we host? One side benefit of eating at the table is that my sofa cushions aren't filled with Goldfish crackers, and I'd really like to keep it that way if possible.

I'm a FTM - how do other people handle this? Not sure if we should tighten up and stop letting him insist on eating anytime someone else is eating, and ask visiting kids to eat their snack at the table, or if we should loosen up on both. Lots of people on this board are into Ellyn Satter - how have you handled it? How did it evolve as the kids got older? Feels like we're picking a path here, not sure which way to go.

[Anonymous]

Well my kids were in daycare and there is no snacking there outside of the post-nap snack. When we were around other people, we did whatever they did. Kids are very smart and very adaptable. It's ok to say "We don't do this at home unless we have guests". But food is always eaten at a table.

[Anonymous]

We are friends with a family that doesn't allow their kids to snack. It's honestly pretty tough to watch them salivating over other kids' food when we're on a hike or something from 10-12 and the other kids stop for a healthy snack at 11.

Otherwise I'm with you on the anti snacking culture in general, but my very active kids get inedibly hangry without a mid morning snack. We still try to sit down and be mindful about eating, even on an outing, not running around with juice boxes and veggie booty in hand. We don't give our kids refined sugar, so they don't love it, but if someone else brings muffins to share, I don't stop them. They thankfully don't care for super sweet things.

[Anonymous]

You are overthinking this. Teach him not to ask other people for food. Remind him that the next meal is at whatever o’clock.

[Anonymous]

I think the hosting part is easy - your house, your rules. Food can stay in the kitchen/dining room. For me, offering snacks/drinks is just part of hosting, but at that age usually fruit was a hit with small visitors.

Re: snacks while out - unless you are sticking rigidly to breakfast and lunch times, I might push back gently on your opposition to carrying a morning snack with you. My friend's totally healthy, normal weight 4 YO boy requires a second breakfast, an afternoon snack, and a bedtime snack in addition to his 3 squares - growth spurts happen and require extra calories. You don't *have* to give a snack to your child, but if he requests it (either because he sees other kids eating or he's genuinely hungry), you're prepared with something pre-approved.

[Anonymous]

I really don’t understand parents like you that don’t let their small child have a snack. Their belly is small and can only fit so much so they get hungry faster than adults do. It’s pretty cruel to deny them a snack if you ask me.

[Anonymous]

When you host...your rules. Only serve food at the table. However you do need to realize that you will be giving up alot of control over what your child eats in the upcoming years especially if he is playing with many other kids in the neighborhood..there does need to be flexibility. He is not likely to finish a soccer game and just watch the other kids eat a snack because it is the morning. But as the mom of a 2 year old it is also fine to say...no thanks...Billy just ate breakfast.

[Anonymous]

If it's an occasional thing with friends, I wouldn't worry about it. Kids learn very quickly that there are "home rules" and "outside rules". You won't destroy the food habits you are trying to teach by being flexible in settings that aren't "home".

[Anonymous]

Is the problem that they're not eating at a table, or that they're getting a morning snack and you're trying to limit your kid's food intake? I'm not really understanding why someone would limit a two year old to one snack a day as a hard-and-fast rule; a morning and afternoon snack is perfectly fine. But even if you're more concerned about him associating "food" with "table", again: this reads unnecessarily rigid.

[Anonymous]

OP, dont focus on this so much. I was similar, but my 3yo started full day preK this year. She has a healthy breakfast at home at 7am, snack at school at 10am, lunch at school at 12pm, and then I pick her up at 2:30pm.

She literally eats from the moment we walk in the door at home until 5:30pm. I am not joking it is a 2.5 hours snack fest every single day. Even if I make her sit at the table for that, she will happily which absolutely shocked me. I thought this would taper off, but we are 3 months in to the school year. If I try to limit the after school snacks she sobs and sobs that shes hungry.

For example, yesterday between 3-5:30pm she had 2 hard boiled eggs, handful of baby carrots, an apple, a cup of full fat plain greek yogurt with blueberries, handful of cherry tomoatoes, and a string cheese. Then she doesn't eat dinner and had a small bowl of oatmeal and half a banana at 7pm and went to bed.

I've given up and am just taking her lead. At school they do PE everyday, recess twice a day, plus all the mental and emotional work and stimulation so I guess I'm just letting it ride for now.

I now prep a platter of healthy stuff and put it on the table before she even gets home.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely not let your 2 year old insist on eating whatever he sees another kid eating. Parents usually offer to share but most moms are never going to take them up on that offer! Just say “no, it’s not your meal time, we eat when we get back home”. That being said, most 2 year olds need a morning snack if they’re going more than 3 hours between breakfast and lunch- but if yours is truly happy and content without one, then by all means skip that (but if he is crying for other kids food at 10am, you might want to ask yourself why)

[Anonymous]

Ellyn Satter talks about 2 - 3 snacks a day, so if you're committed to following her guidance. The goal if for kids to come to meals a little hungry but not super hungry.

I'd schedule a mid morning snack. It doesn't have to be served at home at a table. Ellyn definitely believes in picnics, for example. It just needs to be served sitting down, with others eating as well, and be a time limited event (e.g. right now we are eating, as opposed to eating while running around). So, if you're on an outing, and the other kid gets a snack, you pull out your snack and say "let's sit down and eat". If the other family wants to sit with you and trade food that's fine. If the other family wants to trade food, and let their kid run around, you say to your child "let's go to the bench and eat together there." Then after the snack, your kid goes back to playing. If they want to keep eating you remind them that they had their snack and lunch will be "in just a little while" as Ellyn says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ellyn Satter talks about 2 - 3 snacks a day, so if you're committed to following her guidance. The goal if for kids to come to meals a little hungry but not super hungry.

I'd schedule a mid morning snack. It doesn't have to be served at home at a table. Ellyn definitely believes in picnics, for example. It just needs to be served sitting down, with others eating as well, and be a time limited event (e.g. right now we are eating, as opposed to eating while running around). So, if you're on an outing, and the other kid gets a snack, you pull out your snack and say "let's sit down and eat". If the other family wants to sit with you and trade food that's fine. If the other family wants to trade food, and let their kid run around, you say to your child "let's go to the bench and eat together there." Then after the snack, your kid goes back to playing. If they want to keep eating you remind them that they had their snack and lunch will be "in just a little while" as Ellyn says.

+1 we were strong adherents to the Satter approach but at 2 yrs old the kids definitely had a mid-morning and a post-nap snack. Really, the mid-morning snack continued during the preschool years.

[Anonymous]

You’re obsessing abt what and how he’s eating which is definitely NOT consistent with Ellyn Satter’s approach. Toddler snacking in play dates is a tiny blip on his eating life and won’t make a meaningful impact compared to home culture unless you get weird abt it, which it seems like you are. Remember it’s not enough to act like you’re chill abt it-you need to aim to genuinely being chill (or else he will pick up on your tension and weirdness.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the Ellyn Satter thing is working really well with our toddler. He's almost 2, so the wheels could fall off the wagon at any moment, but for now, it's going great. He eats four times a day at the table - breakfast, lunch, post-nap snack, and dinner.

We have run into the issue that he is really used to eating what we're eating, so he loses his mind if you try to eat something and not share. Its so rare that this happens (usually we're all eating together) that I've generally just given him a tiny piece and haven't thought much about it.

However - now that the pandemic has wound down, we're spending more time with other families which is WONDERFUL. We also moved, and are now on a block with a ton of kids his age.

But the Cult of the Snack is so insidious. Anytime we see another toddler in the morning, they're carting around a snack. And of course the other kid (and parents) are always happy to share. But I really don't want my kid to get into this "always eating" mentality. I also don't like the walking around eating thing. And what do we do when we host? One side benefit of eating at the table is that my sofa cushions aren't filled with Goldfish crackers, and I'd really like to keep it that way if possible.

I'm a FTM - how do other people handle this? Not sure if we should tighten up and stop letting him insist on eating anytime someone else is eating, and ask visiting kids to eat their snack at the table, or if we should loosen up on both. Lots of people on this board are into Ellyn Satter - how have you handled it? How did it evolve as the kids got older? Feels like we're picking a path here, not sure which way to go.

- Absolutely fine to say visiting kids have to snack at the table when at your house

- We don't follow Ellyn Satter or anything but my kids do a morning snack and afternoon snack; all meals and snacks at the table. We will flex if we are out- eg will bring the morning snack to the playground but they have to eat it sitting down. IF there is another kid eating a snack at the same time as them and the kid or his parent offers I will let them take from that kid. But they honestly don't ask much otherwise- and if they do I just say something like "oh its not snack time" and they are fine with it

- None of this has ever been a big deal; we are not strict but pretty consistent and it seems to work well. My kids are not constantly asking fro snacks since they know when they get them.