Want a third kid despite all reason

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just talking to a friend who has 2- I have 2. We both wanted 3. In my case DH was adamantly against having a 3rd in her case it never ended up making sense for their family- they were overwhelmed and had other stuff going on. Now that her oldest is in middle school and our others are starting to creep up to the end of elementary, we are glad we stopped at 2. We were saying the challenges change but bigger kid challenges are still challenges. Her and I are both very active parts of our kids lives, volunteering, etc. We both work but feel we are at capacity with being able to give our kids what they need while still maintaining a life outside of them. My worries are different now that I have older kids.. things are just so much simpler when they are the age yours are and you can’t foresee the challenges when the rose colored glasses come off and the big kid-pre-teen problems start to appear.

Might be worth having another discussion with your DH, and if he is a pretty hard no, try to move to acceptance or put your focus on other things that fulfill you.

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We have three older teens. Yes there have been some stretched thin times where it was hard to meet all the teen needs. But that is just a phase too. I’m looking forward to maybe having gatherings with 8 adults and multiple grandkids (I know that doesn’t always happen). But also knew I was a really good parent, as in, it is one of the things I’m really good at. If I had doubts about that, it might have changed our equation.


This so many people don't think beyond the little kid stage. That doesn't even cover finances. And what if 3 becomes 4. What if it's just 3, but that 3 has special needs do you have the bandwidth for that, does your DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 kids and am firmly staying with only 2.

I am still sometimes a twinge jealous about people who have 3. Mainly I am jealous they aren't as burned out by 2 kids as I am and they want to have another! But it's not about THEM. My life is best with only 2. I am at my max, and I want to be the best mom I can be to the 2 kids I already have. I feel very sure having a 3rd will make that harder, so I am not going to do it.

So my rational side beats out the emotional "ooh look at that baby" feelings.

Eh, I know a few families with 3 kids. The working mothers with demanding jobs dump them in daycare or with a nanny all day. The SAHMs just let everything go and suck at doing anything. The working moms with flexible jobs try to work and be great moms and result in being super burnt out.

I haven’t found this to be true. I have two kids but two good friends each have three. Their kids are with the nanny as much as mine are (9-5m-f). I do think some moms actually do have the patience and higher energy levels for more kids. I’m good with two but I don’t see my friends as struggling to make it work with 3, they seem to enjoy it.

OP, I think you should stop at two if you and your DH discuss it and really decide that’s what’s best for your family. I don’t think you have to stop at two because of some assumption that 3 kids is an impossible number to care for.

+1 from a working mom of three with a flexible job, who loves having three

If I'm burnt out from anything, it's the pandemic, but generally, I don't struggle with having three kids. I've got a lot of energy and DH and I have very complementary skill sets that we respect and that helps our family run relatively smoothly (I'm a psychologist, he's an engineer). I've got a close friend and neighbor with three who also fits this bill; she and I co-coached our eldest daughters' Girls on the Run team this season, so we're hanging in there!

[Anonymous]

I kind of feel like families know when they are complete. I know my family isn't complex despite having no more children. The last kid always has a personality that makes you say I'm done.

[Anonymous]

whatever you do decide soon. Don't be those parents who wait and end up with a 5+ yr age gap. My friends who did this are constantly limited by the younger child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:whatever you do decide soon. Don't be those parents who wait and end up with a 5+ yr age gap. My friends who did this are constantly limited by the younger child.

Maybe that's just what they tell you.

[Anonymous]

No. Definitely no, OP. Your partner says no, so it's a no.

Sometimes I feel a pure emotional urge for a second but I know the sleepless nights would make me miserable and I'm not willing to risk special needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:whatever you do decide soon. Don't be those parents who wait and end up with a 5+ yr age gap. My friends who did this are constantly limited by the younger child.

Maybe that's just what they tell you.

Ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were your husband, I would get a vasectomy immediately!

OP here - I don't understand this and the PP telling me I am selfish. I'm not tricking or pressuring my husband into anything, good lord. I just have a feeling that I wanted to talk about.

I think you would trick him in a heartbeat. If you respeced his wishes, you wouldn't even be talking about this. You have two healthy and happy children. Count your blessings and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:whatever you do decide soon. Don't be those parents who wait and end up with a 5+ yr age gap. My friends who did this are constantly limited by the younger child.

Maybe that's just what they tell you.

Ha!

NP. Seriously though. Secondary infertility and oops babies are real. Don’t assume every family looks like how the family planned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You won't regret not having a 3rd but your feelings are valid, if unexplainable. I don't know if the root is hormones or something else but I feel the same as you. We should not want another, don't like babies or pregnancy but just want another kid. I just try not to dwell on those irrational desires but they are there.

NP here. How long should it take to not regret it? OP, everyone is right that if your husband isn’t on board, it’s a no. But for me it’s been several years and I still long for a third. I’m sure I’ll get over it eventually, but I don’t know that I’ll ever be glad we stopped at 2.

I knew a woman with two wonderful teen daughters who really wished she had had a third.

My mom still wishes she had three.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:whatever you do decide soon. Don't be those parents who wait and end up with a 5+ yr age gap. My friends who did this are constantly limited by the younger child.

I love the 5-year gap. Not sure what kinds of limits your friends are experiencing.