Want a third kid despite all reason

[Anonymous]

Current kids are 1.5 and 3.5. We have our hands full but they are happy, thriving, wonderful. I'm lucky and I know I should just be satisfied with what we have.

We only planned on two kids. We budgeted for two kids and have a nice lifestyle. A lot of things would be stretched if we had more, not only finances but space, time, patience. I know all this.

I hated being pregnant. I hated the newborn phase.

Still, there's something in me that just feels like my family isn't complete. I don't even understand how that's a feeling, but it is and I have it strongly. I find myself jealous of women announcing pregnancy when though I absolutely hate pregnancy and thought I never wanted to be pregnant again. (No, it's not cause they get attention or anything, I hated that part too.) I just really want another kid despite all logic and reason.

Is this just a phase? Hormones? DH doesn't want a third so it's probably moot. Should I just ignore these feelings and hope they go away? Will I regret it forever if I don't have another?

[Anonymous]

I think the thing to focus on here is that your husband doesn't want a third.

Assuming you've talked about this with him, and he is absolutely done, 100% confident he doesn't want anymore, then the "decision" phase of this is over. Deciding that you really do want a third, or really want to stay at two, is a complete waste of time and energy. You've obviously not going to divorce over this (that would be insane), so the answer is no.

So I would focus your energies on acceptance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Current kids are 1.5 and 3.5. We have our hands full but they are happy, thriving, wonderful. I'm lucky and I know I should just be satisfied with what we have.

We only planned on two kids. We budgeted for two kids and have a nice lifestyle. A lot of things would be stretched if we had more, not only finances but space, time, patience. I know all this.

I hated being pregnant. I hated the newborn phase.

Still, there's something in me that just feels like my family isn't complete. I don't even understand how that's a feeling, but it is and I have it strongly. I find myself jealous of women announcing pregnancy when though I absolutely hate pregnancy and thought I never wanted to be pregnant again. (No, it's not cause they get attention or anything, I hated that part too.) I just really want another kid despite all logic and reason.

Is this just a phase? Hormones? DH doesn't want a third so it's probably moot. Should I just ignore these feelings and hope they go away? Will I regret it forever if I don't have another?

Your DH gets a say in this and he doesn't want another. Stop thinking only of yourself and your selfish desires. Only a fool has a child when the other partner does not want one!

[Anonymous]

Just be happy with what you've got. This will pass.

[Anonymous]

If I were your husband, I would get a vasectomy immediately!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the thing to focus on here is that your husband doesn't want a third.

Assuming you've talked about this with him, and he is absolutely done, 100% confident he doesn't want anymore, then the "decision" phase of this is over. Deciding that you really do want a third, or really want to stay at two, is a complete waste of time and energy. You've obviously not going to divorce over this (that would be insane), so the answer is no.

So I would focus your energies on acceptance.

Thanks this is helpful and correct. I would say DH is 90% against it. I obviously won't force him into it but that 10% doubt is sort of keeping this alive for me. I should just drop it and work on acceptance.

[Anonymous]

The no vote wins here, especially as you already have 2 healthy children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were your husband, I would get a vasectomy immediately!

OP here - I don't understand this and the PP telling me I am selfish. I'm not tricking or pressuring my husband into anything, good lord. I just have a feeling that I wanted to talk about.

[Anonymous]

At least, with 2 kids, you can do man-to-man coverage. With 3, you need to go with a zone coverage. Go for it.

[Anonymous]

You won't regret not having a 3rd but your feelings are valid, if unexplainable. I don't know if the root is hormones or something else but I feel the same as you. We should not want another, don't like babies or pregnancy but just want another kid. I just try not to dwell on those irrational desires but they are there.

[Anonymous]

These feelings can be difficult to manage. But they are not feelings that you have to respond to, or act in furtherance of. They will pass. That feeling is probably the biological imperative, and not different from feeling hungry so that you go look for food. Notice it, acknowledge it and move on. Repeat as often as necessary.

[Anonymous]

I'd just sit with the feeling for a bit. If you do decide you want a 3rd, it's ok to wait a year.

I find 1.5 year olds to be deceiving. They are so cute, past the infant stage, but haven't hit full toddler nightmare yet. By age 2 normally that comes swooping in. 1 year olds are really terrific in a lot of ways. 2 and 3 year olds? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These feelings can be difficult to manage. But they are not feelings that you have to respond to, or act in furtherance of. They will pass. That feeling is probably the biological imperative, and not different from feeling hungry so that you go look for food. Notice it, acknowledge it and move on. Repeat as often as necessary.

Yep, this.

[Anonymous]

Third kid is the best kid. Common knowledge.

Go for it

[Anonymous]

I have 2 kids and am firmly staying with only 2.

I am still sometimes a twinge jealous about people who have 3. Mainly I am jealous they aren't as burned out by 2 kids as I am and they want to have another! But it's not about THEM. My life is best with only 2. I am at my max, and I want to be the best mom I can be to the 2 kids I already have. I feel very sure having a 3rd will make that harder, so I am not going to do it.

So my rational side beats out the emotional "ooh look at that baby" feelings.