Kid’s girlfriend/boyfriend Holiday Invite

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 18 and dating a boy the same age. I just asked her questions about him today because I'm going to buy them matching holiday pajama pants. Yes, he's invited.

Am I slightly uncomfortable that my wittle baby girl is in a semi-adult relationship? Yes. But do I want to drive her away by saying someone she feels strongly about is not welcome? No. I want to get to know him. So come on over. Tell me everything!

They are 18 and adults.

No, they are just 18. She's not an adult. She's just an 18 yr old.

Whatever. We and the law disagree with infantilizing your adult child. -NP

Whatever indeed. She dropped out of high school due to debilitatingly severe anxiety and a raging eating disorder and hasn't done anything but various therapies for well over a year. I assure you, she is NOT qualified to vote or defend our country or buy a gun. I will continue to meet her where she is and very gently support her efforts to move her life forward. But yay for you, for assuming you know my "adult" kid better than I do.

What the heck. Is this PJ mom? Your daughter suffers some mental disorders, barely graduated high school or maybe did not and your pushing a sexual /romantic relationship in her w some guy? And she’s only 18?!

Lemme guys, this 18 white knight guy (not predator) is going to save her. Give her life meaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would invite them during the holiday break, but wouldn’t they want to be with their family for Christmas Day? No gift for a dating situation. If you are feeding him, isn’t that enough?

+1 My mom was irritated that my now-MIL invited me there for Christmas dinner when DH and I were dating in college (we had been dating a little over a year at that point). Attending dinner would have required me to leave my family on Christmas day and drive 3 hours to DH's house. I said no and went the next day instead. My mom never said anything to me about her irritation until after I came home. In hindsight, I can see why my mom was upset because extending the invitation means that you are asking someone to skip out on their own family's celebration, especially if the kids are in college and the parents are likely looking forward to seeing them for the holidays.

+1000 It's just a self-centered invitation. No regard for the child's parents at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would invite them during the holiday break, but wouldn’t they want to be with their family for Christmas Day? No gift for a dating situation. If you are feeding him, isn’t that enough?

+1 My mom was irritated that my now-MIL invited me there for Christmas dinner when DH and I were dating in college (we had been dating a little over a year at that point). Attending dinner would have required me to leave my family on Christmas day and drive 3 hours to DH's house. I said no and went the next day instead. My mom never said anything to me about her irritation until after I came home. In hindsight, I can see why my mom was upset because extending the invitation means that you are asking someone to skip out on their own family's celebration, especially if the kids are in college and the parents are likely looking forward to seeing them for the holidays.

Families would want their kids home for the holidays but a young couple may want to be together as well. No?

Hahahaha
.
Yeah. I never saw my college boyfriend much while at college…. We def weren’t eating most meals together or sharing a bed every night or walking downtown, etc.

[Anonymous]

I invite random neighbors and good friends for thanksgiving and Christmas. Why wouldn’t you invite your sons girlfriend? No to being invited on trips until they’ve dated a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom always did this. It’s a nice gesture but please ask your kids first. Later my sister and I both told her she shouldn’t have invited them so early. Yes, we were serious but we didn’t necessarily want them at Christmas just yet. She thought she was being welcoming and invited their parents too. Sometimes they came. So it was like awkward IL and parent get togethers before we were even married. My family has always been the more the merrier type and usually it is nice. Not so much on Christmas with your BF’s family.

I’m just surprised you guys were all local!

None of my college boyfriends were from the same city as my parents.

They weren’t! My sister had more local boyfriends since she ended up moving to the same town. Not being local didn’t stop my mom from extending invitations. And yes, for many Christmas’s my BFs mother drove two hours each way. He’s now my husband so it’s nice she made that effort early on. And we haven’t all had holidays together in almost 20 years. Eventually we started alternating houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would invite them during the holiday break, but wouldn’t they want to be with their family for Christmas Day? No gift for a dating situation. If you are feeding him, isn’t that enough?

+1 My mom was irritated that my now-MIL invited me there for Christmas dinner when DH and I were dating in college (we had been dating a little over a year at that point). Attending dinner would have required me to leave my family on Christmas day and drive 3 hours to DH's house. I said no and went the next day instead. My mom never said anything to me about her irritation until after I came home. In hindsight, I can see why my mom was upset because extending the invitation means that you are asking someone to skip out on their own family's celebration, especially if the kids are in college and the parents are likely looking forward to seeing them for the holidays.

Families would want their kids home for the holidays but a young couple may want to be together as well. No?

This. And while I may want my college kid home for Christmas, I do not want him or her there only because he or she is not invited to his or her SO's house. If my kids would rather be with their SOs for Christmas, then I want them there.

[Anonymous]

Big holidays or trips only if they were engaged.
Long weekends or whatever, fine.
Adult kid does the inviting after green light.

I’d rather meet a serious SO for something less formal than Christmas or a winter break trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 18 and dating a boy the same age. I just asked her questions about him today because I'm going to buy them matching holiday pajama pants. Yes, he's invited.

Am I slightly uncomfortable that my wittle baby girl is in a semi-adult relationship? Yes. But do I want to drive her away by saying someone she feels strongly about is not welcome? No. I want to get to know him. So come on over. Tell me everything!

Omg you’re still talking about your whittle baby 18 yo and her BF marching xmas pajamas?

Barf.

dp Relax, pp. It isn't if she is talking about her "wittle" baby at 30!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 18 and dating a boy the same age. I just asked her questions about him today because I'm going to buy them matching holiday pajama pants. Yes, he's invited.

Am I slightly uncomfortable that my wittle baby girl is in a semi-adult relationship? Yes. But do I want to drive her away by saying someone she feels strongly about is not welcome? No. I want to get to know him. So come on over. Tell me everything!

Omg you’re still talking about your whittle baby 18 yo and her BF marching xmas pajamas?

Barf.

dp Relax, pp. It isn't if she is talking about her "wittle" baby at 30!

Not the pp, but wtf people? It isn’t war time in 1942; accepted knowledge that MOST 18 year olds are essentially sexually active teen-angers that need to be supported and guided. Shame on your ugly responses to a loving mother with a struggling teen-age daughter. Matching plaid flannel lounge pants make you incensed?

[Anonymous]

I’m confused. Is 18 Yo Couples Pajama mom have the 18 yo daughter that dropped out of high school, is suicidal, and now has a boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 18 and dating a boy the same age. I just asked her questions about him today because I'm going to buy them matching holiday pajama pants. Yes, he's invited.

Am I slightly uncomfortable that my wittle baby girl is in a semi-adult relationship? Yes. But do I want to drive her away by saying someone she feels strongly about is not welcome? No. I want to get to know him. So come on over. Tell me everything!

They are 18 and adults.

No, they are just 18. She's not an adult. She's just an 18 yr old.

Whatever. We and the law disagree with infantilizing your adult child. -NP

Whatever indeed. She dropped out of high school due to debilitatingly severe anxiety and a raging eating disorder and hasn't done anything but various therapies for well over a year. I assure you, she is NOT qualified to vote or defend our country or buy a gun. I will continue to meet her where she is and very gently support her efforts to move her life forward. But yay for you, for assuming you know my "adult" kid better than I do.

Who is this? Good luck with the pajamas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 18 and dating a boy the same age. I just asked her questions about him today because I'm going to buy them matching holiday pajama pants. Yes, he's invited.

Am I slightly uncomfortable that my wittle baby girl is in a semi-adult relationship? Yes. But do I want to drive her away by saying someone she feels strongly about is not welcome? No. I want to get to know him. So come on over. Tell me everything!

They are 18 and adults.

No, they are just 18. She's not an adult. She's just an 18 yr old.

Whatever. We and the law disagree with infantilizing your adult child. -NP

Who is this? Good luck with the pajamas.

Whatever indeed. She dropped out of high school due to debilitatingly severe anxiety and a raging eating disorder and hasn't done anything but various therapies for well over a year. I assure you, she is NOT qualified to vote or defend our country or buy a gun. I will continue to meet her where she is and very gently support her efforts to move her life forward. But yay for you, for assuming you know my "adult" kid better than I do.

Can we agree on a name for this poster at least? Is she Pajama Mom? Pajama Mama? Or Old Navy Pajama Mom?

In any case, it sounds like a nutty situation with with the wittle baby and probably not a huge stretch to see where the multiple problems emanate.

[Anonymous]

Ds's girlfriend is welcome at anything we do. She gets birthday gifts and Christmas gifts. They've been together for 4 1/2 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you invite steady boyfriend/girlfriend of your (out of state) college kids to your home? Do you give them gifts? Do you include them on family trips?

Yes to the invite. Yes to a couple of nice token gift so they don't feel awkward while the fam opens presents at Christmas. Family trips? Not sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would invite them during the holiday break, but wouldn’t they want to be with their family for Christmas Day? No gift for a dating situation. If you are feeding him, isn’t that enough?

+1 My mom was irritated that my now-MIL invited me there for Christmas dinner when DH and I were dating in college (we had been dating a little over a year at that point). Attending dinner would have required me to leave my family on Christmas day and drive 3 hours to DH's house. I said no and went the next day instead. My mom never said anything to me about her irritation until after I came home. In hindsight, I can see why my mom was upset because extending the invitation means that you are asking someone to skip out on their own family's celebration, especially if the kids are in college and the parents are likely looking forward to seeing them for the holidays.

+1000 It's just a self-centered invitation. No regard for the child's parents at all.

What? The invited person decides whether to accept or not.