Competitive Parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are parents more competitive in the suburbs of DC or in the city? Just curious because when we lived in San Francisco I found city parents to generally be pretty laidback but the people outside the city to be more competitive and less chill.

Here it’s definitely the suburbs.

Kids travel soccer is the worst!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are parents more competitive in the suburbs of DC or in the city? Just curious because when we lived in San Francisco I found city parents to generally be pretty laidback but the people outside the city to be more competitive and less chill.

Here it’s definitely the suburbs.

Kids travel soccer is the worst!

I am SF PP and I think it was because the parents who moved the suburbs were concerned with the school quality, whereas parents in the city either didn’t mind the school quality or valued the diversity and even adversity of the urban experience enough to stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are parents more competitive in the suburbs of DC or in the city? Just curious because when we lived in San Francisco I found city parents to generally be pretty laidback but the people outside the city to be more competitive and less chill.

Here it’s definitely the suburbs.

Kids travel soccer is the worst!

I am SF PP and I think it was because the parents who moved the suburbs were concerned with the school quality, whereas parents in the city either didn’t mind the school quality or valued the diversity and even adversity of the urban experience enough to stay.

no the parents in the city can usually afford private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are parents more competitive in the suburbs of DC or in the city? Just curious because when we lived in San Francisco I found city parents to generally be pretty laidback but the people outside the city to be more competitive and less chill.

Here it’s definitely the suburbs.

Kids travel soccer is the worst!

I am SF PP and I think it was because the parents who moved the suburbs were concerned with the school quality, whereas parents in the city either didn’t mind the school quality or valued the diversity and even adversity of the urban experience enough to stay.

no the parents in the city can usually afford private.

Yea but then they wouldn’t be hanging out with the public families, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are parents more competitive in the suburbs of DC or in the city? Just curious because when we lived in San Francisco I found city parents to generally be pretty laidback but the people outside the city to be more competitive and less chill.

Here it’s definitely the suburbs.

Kids travel soccer is the worst!

I am SF PP and I think it was because the parents who moved the suburbs were concerned with the school quality, whereas parents in the city either didn’t mind the school quality or valued the diversity and even adversity of the urban experience enough to stay.

no the parents in the city can usually afford private.

Yea but then they wouldn’t be hanging out with the public families, right?

I think that poster either doesn't have kids or has kids who are preschool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, most of us came to DC to work in fields requiring advanced degrees, and we care about academics and some of us care about sports or other competitive activities.

Some of us understand that it's not done, outside of certain sub-circles, to talk about achievements lest we seem boastful.

What complicates matters is cultural clash. My husband, who comes from a non-American Vietnamese family, finds it normal to talk about academic achievement, and how to get there, in a very open way. All his community is the same way, and I've met Chinese and Japanese families who also think it's perfectly normal to share these things. But when he discussed this with a Caucasian American he met at an after-school activity, I could tell she was very uncomfortable. I pointed out to him that what's acceptable in some circles is not in others.

I always listen with an open mind and take things at their face value, because I find that most people are genuine and share without intent to hurt - they're looking for someone to share in their joy, or they have an impulse to help others. That's fine.

Another immigrant here. There is a difference between sharing and bragging.

But that difference can also be cultural depending of whether you think your kid achieved their success through raw natural talent or hard work. Those who take the hard work approach are more likely to be sharing information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a slightly different situation and not sure how to handle it.

DD has a friend who is for lack a better word competitive, as in play the game she wants, always has to go first, always has to win, only play the game she likes, etc. They agree to play game 1 which her friend likes with the understanding that they play game 2 that DD likes. What happens very often is that after game 1, friend says game 2 is boring and does not want to play. We talked to DD about being assertive and modeled how to do it. But DD says that her friend becomes sad/upset if she is assertive and does not want to hurt her.

DD is a sensitive child. Most of the comments we get from other parents, teachers, and any other care givers about her is how sweet and kind and thoughtful she is. We want her to be assertive without being rude. My wife is the same way as well. I love this about both of them but not sure if it would be good when she grows up as others can take advantage of her. Not sure how best to handle this. Any advice?

Get your daughter out into “traffic” so she can widen her circle of friends.

They are family friends. We meet them once in a while. Anyway wanted to see how to make DD more assertive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a slightly different situation and not sure how to handle it.

DD has a friend who is for lack a better word competitive, as in play the game she wants, always has to go first, always has to win, only play the game she likes, etc. They agree to play game 1 which her friend likes with the understanding that they play game 2 that DD likes. What happens very often is that after game 1, friend says game 2 is boring and does not want to play. We talked to DD about being assertive and modeled how to do it. But DD says that her friend becomes sad/upset if she is assertive and does not want to hurt her.

DD is a sensitive child. Most of the comments we get from other parents, teachers, and any other care givers about her is how sweet and kind and thoughtful she is. We want her to be assertive without being rude. My wife is the same way as well. I love this about both of them but not sure if it would be good when she grows up as others can take advantage of her. Not sure how best to handle this. Any advice?

Get your daughter out into “traffic” so she can widen her circle of friends.

They are family friends. We meet them once in a while. Anyway wanted to see how to make DD more assertive.

You don't "make" your kid more assertive, it's something learned with practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a slightly different situation and not sure how to handle it.

DD has a friend who is for lack a better word competitive, as in play the game she wants, always has to go first, always has to win, only play the game she likes, etc. They agree to play game 1 which her friend likes with the understanding that they play game 2 that DD likes. What happens very often is that after game 1, friend says game 2 is boring and does not want to play. We talked to DD about being assertive and modeled how to do it. But DD says that her friend becomes sad/upset if she is assertive and does not want to hurt her.

DD is a sensitive child. Most of the comments we get from other parents, teachers, and any other care givers about her is how sweet and kind and thoughtful she is. We want her to be assertive without being rude. My wife is the same way as well. I love this about both of them but not sure if it would be good when she grows up as others can take advantage of her. Not sure how best to handle this. Any advice?

Get your daughter out into “traffic” so she can widen her circle of friends.

They are family friends. We meet them once in a while. Anyway wanted to see how to make DD more assertive.

You don't "make" your kid more assertive, it's something learned with practice.

Ok. So what is the best way to get that practice? Any tips?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a slightly different situation and not sure how to handle it.

DD has a friend who is for lack a better word competitive, as in play the game she wants, always has to go first, always has to win, only play the game she likes, etc. They agree to play game 1 which her friend likes with the understanding that they play game 2 that DD likes. What happens very often is that after game 1, friend says game 2 is boring and does not want to play. We talked to DD about being assertive and modeled how to do it. But DD says that her friend becomes sad/upset if she is assertive and does not want to hurt her.

DD is a sensitive child. Most of the comments we get from other parents, teachers, and any other care givers about her is how sweet and kind and thoughtful she is. We want her to be assertive without being rude. My wife is the same way as well. I love this about both of them but not sure if it would be good when she grows up as others can take advantage of her. Not sure how best to handle this. Any advice?

Get your daughter out into “traffic” so she can widen her circle of friends.

They are family friends. We meet them once in a while. Anyway wanted to see how to make DD more assertive.

You don't "make" your kid more assertive, it's something learned with practice.

Ok. So what is the best way to get that practice? Any tips?

Let her get on with it. Stop interfering, it is infantilizing and she'll never learn to stand up for herself because mommy's shadow will always be looming.

[Anonymous]

I would encourage my daughter to work on her sprinting as she obviously has a talent to win a competition in something she doesn't train for. The other parents? Who cares.

[Anonymous]

My dad - RIP - was the master of subtle coaching. He would say stuff to me and my brothers/sisters - out of the blue that was at first take random- but it was actually way to address things he saw going on without putting me or my sibs on the spot. All five kids remember this from our childhood. He was the master of giving great advice without calling situations out. Stuff like - if you don’t like a situation, it’s okay to speak up/walk away/ask what’s going on. “A coach can’t read minds- if you want a position, if you don’t know the rule- let them know”. “You can’t know why somebody is mean but it probably has nothing to do with you”. Anyway - highly recommend this indirect approach. I’m not doing it justice. He taught us so much without making it about us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad - RIP - was the master of subtle coaching. He would say stuff to me and my brothers/sisters - out of the blue that was at first take random- but it was actually way to address things he saw going on without putting me or my sibs on the spot. All five kids remember this from our childhood. He was the master of giving great advice without calling situations out. Stuff like - if you don’t like a situation, it’s okay to speak up/walk away/ask what’s going on. “A coach can’t read minds- if you want a position, if you don’t know the rule- let them know”. “You can’t know why somebody is mean but it probably has nothing to do with you”. Anyway - highly recommend this indirect approach. I’m not doing it justice. He taught us so much without making it about us.

He sounds like a fabulous dad. Emotional intelligence.