Competitive Parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, most of us came to DC to work in fields requiring advanced degrees, and we care about academics and some of us care about sports or other competitive activities.

Some of us understand that it's not done, outside of certain sub-circles, to talk about achievements lest we seem boastful.

What complicates matters is cultural clash. My husband, who comes from a non-American Vietnamese family, finds it normal to talk about academic achievement, and how to get there, in a very open way. All his community is the same way, and I've met Chinese and Japanese families who also think it's perfectly normal to share these things. But when he discussed this with a Caucasian American he met at an after-school activity, I could tell she was very uncomfortable. I pointed out to him that what's acceptable in some circles is not in others.

I always listen with an open mind and take things at their face value, because I find that most people are genuine and share without intent to hurt - they're looking for someone to share in their joy, or they have an impulse to help others. That's fine.

Another immigrant here. There is a difference between sharing and bragging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to being a parent in the DMV.

lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They sound toxic I would avoid them unless your kid loves this girl as a friend.

My DD started hanging out with a girl whose mom I have to say struck me as totally insane. She was emailing me all kinds of advice as to what I should be doing with my academically advanced daughter, like I was some kind of bozo without a clue. I had done all the things already and when this mother found out, she practically exploded.

I am not interested in the competition. I'd rather not speak to any of these kinds of parents, ever again.

What advice are you / crazy mom referring to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do an online verification with the cross country winner. Those that brag often don’t tell the whole truth. No need to confront, you just need to be aware of who you are dealing with.

lol. This made me laugh because it's so true. Our kids don't swim but this one family in our neighborhood never shut up about how amazing their two daughters were at swimming and how they were "winning" competitions all the time. Finally we googled the results and you can sort for age group and we concluded the parents were only bragging about b.s. competitions and their daughters got their butts kicked at every real competition. And when you sort their times for their age bracket, they were basically just dime a dozen good not great above average swimmers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They sound toxic I would avoid them unless your kid loves this girl as a friend.

My DD started hanging out with a girl whose mom I have to say struck me as totally insane. She was emailing me all kinds of advice as to what I should be doing with my academically advanced daughter, like I was some kind of bozo without a clue. I had done all the things already and when this mother found out, she practically exploded.

I am not interested in the competition. I'd rather not speak to any of these kinds of parents, ever again.

What advice are you / crazy mom referring to?

Are you the insane mother and have tracked me down??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do an online verification with the cross country winner. Those that brag often don’t tell the whole truth. No need to confront, you just need to be aware of who you are dealing with.

Haha I have found this to be true too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do an online verification with the cross country winner. Those that brag often don’t tell the whole truth. No need to confront, you just need to be aware of who you are dealing with.

lol. This made me laugh because it's so true. Our kids don't swim but this one family in our neighborhood never shut up about how amazing their two daughters were at swimming and how they were "winning" competitions all the time. Finally we googled the results and you can sort for age group and we concluded the parents were only bragging about b.s. competitions and their daughters got their butts kicked at every real competition. And when you sort their times for their age bracket, they were basically just dime a dozen good not great above average swimmers.

It's also crazy to do this level of checking and judging. Can't people just be proud of their kids and use hyperbole?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This area is infested with extremely overly-competitive parents like this. It is not like this in normal parts of the country.

I live in another part of the country and it's like that here, too. UMC. With re to athletics, we have a good amount of former professional athletes who are not like this at all with their kids, though. The few I know are supportive but not at all pushy or living vicariously thru their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do an online verification with the cross country winner. Those that brag often don’t tell the whole truth. No need to confront, you just need to be aware of who you are dealing with.

lol. This made me laugh because it's so true. Our kids don't swim but this one family in our neighborhood never shut up about how amazing their two daughters were at swimming and how they were "winning" competitions all the time. Finally we googled the results and you can sort for age group and we concluded the parents were only bragging about b.s. competitions and their daughters got their butts kicked at every real competition. And when you sort their times for their age bracket, they were basically just dime a dozen good not great above average swimmers.

It's also crazy to do this level of checking and judging. Can't people just be proud of their kids and use hyperbole?

yeah that's sad to do and even sadder to admit to doing - that is the absolute PEAK of being competitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do an online verification with the cross country winner. Those that brag often don’t tell the whole truth. No need to confront, you just need to be aware of who you are dealing with.

lol. This made me laugh because it's so true. Our kids don't swim but this one family in our neighborhood never shut up about how amazing their two daughters were at swimming and how they were "winning" competitions all the time. Finally we googled the results and you can sort for age group and we concluded the parents were only bragging about b.s. competitions and their daughters got their butts kicked at every real competition. And when you sort their times for their age bracket, they were basically just dime a dozen good not great above average swimmers.

It's also crazy to do this level of checking and judging. Can't people just be proud of their kids and use hyperbole?

yeah that's sad to do and even sadder to admit to doing - that is the absolute PEAK of being competitive.

+1 I would never think to do that. Even with the most insufferable braggarts. This thread is weirding me out.

[Anonymous]

We have a slightly different situation and not sure how to handle it.

DD has a friend who is for lack a better word competitive, as in play the game she wants, always has to go first, always has to win, only play the game she likes, etc. They agree to play game 1 which her friend likes with the understanding that they play game 2 that DD likes. What happens very often is that after game 1, friend says game 2 is boring and does not want to play. We talked to DD about being assertive and modeled how to do it. But DD says that her friend becomes sad/upset if she is assertive and does not want to hurt her.

DD is a sensitive child. Most of the comments we get from other parents, teachers, and any other care givers about her is how sweet and kind and thoughtful she is. We want her to be assertive without being rude. My wife is the same way as well. I love this about both of them but not sure if it would be good when she grows up as others can take advantage of her. Not sure how best to handle this. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a slightly different situation and not sure how to handle it.

DD has a friend who is for lack a better word competitive, as in play the game she wants, always has to go first, always has to win, only play the game she likes, etc. They agree to play game 1 which her friend likes with the understanding that they play game 2 that DD likes. What happens very often is that after game 1, friend says game 2 is boring and does not want to play. We talked to DD about being assertive and modeled how to do it. But DD says that her friend becomes sad/upset if she is assertive and does not want to hurt her.

DD is a sensitive child. Most of the comments we get from other parents, teachers, and any other care givers about her is how sweet and kind and thoughtful she is. We want her to be assertive without being rude. My wife is the same way as well. I love this about both of them but not sure if it would be good when she grows up as others can take advantage of her. Not sure how best to handle this. Any advice?

Get your daughter out into “traffic” so she can widen her circle of friends.

[Anonymous]

There have always been parents like this, OP, in every country in the world.

[Anonymous]

For your own sanity, avoid this mom and if her DD starts modeling this behavior help your DD meet new people. This is about the mom being insecure so don’t get sucked into her crazy world.

[Anonymous]

Are parents more competitive in the suburbs of DC or in the city? Just curious because when we lived in San Francisco I found city parents to generally be pretty laidback but the people outside the city to be more competitive and less chill.