Would you drive 5 hours for a baby shower?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the purpose were actually to celebrate OP, the shower would be held at a time and place convenient for her. This shower is clearly for the convenience of the host. I despise highway driving under the best of circumstances and would certainly not drive 10 hours for this. That seems insane to me. If they want to celebrate there, they should plan a sip and see around a full visit.

Do you really think the person who won't come in for a baby shower will get more relaxed about this sort of visit after the baby is born?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For my own baby shower? Yes I would. Way to bury the lede.

+1

(your title was a little misleading/vague)
Yes I would drive five hours for a baby shower that Family was throwing for me.
Make it a weekend.
No I would not drive five hours for somebody else’s baby shower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my own baby shower? Yes I would. Way to bury the lede.

Did I? I said in the very first sentence it’s for me. I didn’t write “your baby shower”in the title because I thought that would imply this was my main/only shower, when my main shower is being thrown here, this one is just extra.

Anyway I’m leaning towards no, if they can’t be bothered to drive to mine here, I don’t really see why I should have to take the hit and drive while pregnant.

Drive while pregnant?

You aren’t disabled.

Regardless of what your husband says, your attitude of shutting out his family will hurt him.

And, someday you will be a MIL.

DP. I have only sons and would never consider throwing a shower that is such an inconvenience for the purported beneficiary. How is this helpful or considerate?

It's not about OP's convenience. It's about including OP's husband's extended family and old family friends in the shower. If they held it closer to OP's house, then probably a lot of relatives and friends couldn't come.

I hate showers and would not love this for myself. But I also understand why the in laws would be doing this - it's not for THEIR sake. They've probably spent decades giving out shower gifts to all their relatives' kids and now it's their turn to throw the shower. I'd consider that by saying no to this, you're not only going to insult the in laws but also the extended family. If you're ok with that that's fine, but just consider if that's how you want to start this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my own baby shower? Yes I would. Way to bury the lede.

Did I? I said in the very first sentence it’s for me. I didn’t write “your baby shower”in the title because I thought that would imply this was my main/only shower, when my main shower is being thrown here, this one is just extra.

Anyway I’m leaning towards no, if they can’t be bothered to drive to mine here, I don’t really see why I should have to take the hit and drive while pregnant.

A friend shower is different — the emphasis will be on a different part of your life. It won’t be comfortable for the in-laws in the same way or about their family and relationship with you. I think you should go. I think to say no is starting things off on a hurtful footing. Plus, you don’t know which is your “main” shower. In the years to come you may remember this one more fondly as the relatives age and pass away, while some of the friends who come to your shower may not be in your life in ten years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, op, we are to understand you are not going to drive anywhere on the highway for the next 3 months?

It’s ok if you just don’t feel, and just say so.

But you came to ask an opinion, got majority of opinions telling you that they would make this trip in these circumstances, and you’re arguing against them.

what was the point of asking?

OP here. It seems pretty evenly split between yes/no.

It's not that I find driving on a highway dangerous. I'm just feeling pretty uncomfortable already, I generally don't like to travel, and it seems like a lot of driving for a shower when I'm already having one (and, TBH, I don't even really want the first shower).

Also I can't really imagine a scenario where if the roles were reversed and my family was celebrating H, they would expect us to drive 5 hours to them for a party. Especially if he had a medical issue going on. And I know, pregnancy isn't really a medical issue, but it's still uncomfortable.

Make a weekend of it. Bank some goodwill, meet their friends. I think it’s a nice thing to do if you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, op, we are to understand you are not going to drive anywhere on the highway for the next 3 months?

It’s ok if you just don’t feel, and just say so.

But you came to ask an opinion, got majority of opinions telling you that they would make this trip in these circumstances, and you’re arguing against them.

what was the point of asking?

OP here. It seems pretty evenly split between yes/no.

It's not that I find driving on a highway dangerous. I'm just feeling pretty uncomfortable already, I generally don't like to travel, and it seems like a lot of driving for a shower when I'm already having one (and, TBH, I don't even really want the first shower).

Also I can't really imagine a scenario where if the roles were reversed and my family was celebrating H, they would expect us to drive 5 hours to them for a party. Especially if he had a medical issue going on. And I know, pregnancy isn't really a medical issue, but it's still uncomfortable.

You’re clutching at straws trying to convince yourself that the drive and party are unreasonable. For many of us more comfortable with driving, 5 hours each way does not seem such an unreasonable thing. Heck, I flew to New Zealand for work at 6 months pregnant, for a week. So driving 5 hours to celebrate with dh’s family our upcoming baby, does not seem like a crazy burden. But ymmv, and obviously, it does. So, Just don’t go. Say you’re not comfortable. Send dh to attend the shower on his own for both of you - it’s his celebration too cause he’s becoming a dad. How would your dh feel about that? Can you stay alone for a weekend or that’s also unreasonable for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the purpose were actually to celebrate OP, the shower would be held at a time and place convenient for her. This shower is clearly for the convenience of the host. I despise highway driving under the best of circumstances and would certainly not drive 10 hours for this. That seems insane to me. If they want to celebrate there, they should plan a sip and see around a full visit.

Do you really think the person who won't come in for a baby shower will get more relaxed about this sort of visit after the baby is born?

Relaxed about what? Presumably they visit OP's ILs from time to time. My point is that an event should be planned around an existing visit. That's what my ILs in NY did. Planning to drive for ten hours for a baby shower is deranged.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why the nonpregnant people are not the ones travelling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, op, we are to understand you are not going to drive anywhere on the highway for the next 3 months?

It’s ok if you just don’t feel, and just say so.

But you came to ask an opinion, got majority of opinions telling you that they would make this trip in these circumstances, and you’re arguing against them.

what was the point of asking?

OP here. It seems pretty evenly split between yes/no.

It's not that I find driving on a highway dangerous. I'm just feeling pretty uncomfortable already, I generally don't like to travel, and it seems like a lot of driving for a shower when I'm already having one (and, TBH, I don't even really want the first shower).

Also I can't really imagine a scenario where if the roles were reversed and my family was celebrating H, they would expect us to drive 5 hours to them for a party. Especially if he had a medical issue going on. And I know, pregnancy isn't really a medical issue, but it's still uncomfortable.

I did a 7 hour drive while 2nd trimester pregnant and ended up with edema in my ankles that didn't go away for days and my morning sickness came back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why the nonpregnant people are not the ones travelling.

Because they’re the ones hosting the shower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why the nonpregnant people are not the ones travelling.

Because they’re the ones hosting the shower.

I can't believe the family would want a heavily pregnant woman to drive 5 hours for a baby shower. It's really not that important of an event and typically incredibly boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, op, we are to understand you are not going to drive anywhere on the highway for the next 3 months?

It’s ok if you just don’t feel, and just say so.

But you came to ask an opinion, got majority of opinions telling you that they would make this trip in these circumstances, and you’re arguing against them.

what was the point of asking?

OP here. It seems pretty evenly split between yes/no.

It's not that I find driving on a highway dangerous. I'm just feeling pretty uncomfortable already, I generally don't like to travel, and it seems like a lot of driving for a shower when I'm already having one (and, TBH, I don't even really want the first shower).

Also I can't really imagine a scenario where if the roles were reversed and my family was celebrating H, they would expect us to drive 5 hours to them for a party. Especially if he had a medical issue going on. And I know, pregnancy isn't really a medical issue, but it's still uncomfortable.

Would you view this differently if instead of comparing “your family celebrating H” vs his family celebrating you, you could see it as part of the baby’s family celebrating and welcoming the baby? You mentioned “my family”, and I get what you mean, but this is also the baby’s family, not just your husband’s, and by your wording, you don’t seem to view them as your family too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the purpose were actually to celebrate OP, the shower would be held at a time and place convenient for her. This shower is clearly for the convenience of the host. I despise highway driving under the best of circumstances and would certainly not drive 10 hours for this. That seems insane to me. If they want to celebrate there, they should plan a sip and see around a full visit.

Do you really think the person who won't come in for a baby shower will get more relaxed about this sort of visit after the baby is born?

Relaxed about what? Presumably they visit OP's ILs from time to time. My point is that an event should be planned around an existing visit. That's what my ILs in NY did. Planning to drive for ten hours for a baby shower is deranged.

So now OP and husband can plan a visit around the weekend that the shower is being held.

[Anonymous]

Yes I would. I traveled for work until about 6 weeks before each due date. We also had a couple of out of town weddings when I was pregnant. So 5 hours would not have fazed me, and I would have been happy that DHs family was excited about the baby (in my case they were, which was nice because our kids were the 5th and 6th grandkids and the oldest were already in high school). But I had no difficulties with either pregnancy and it sounds like you are having much more trouble. Maybe ask your doctor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why the nonpregnant people are not the ones travelling.

Because they’re the ones hosting the shower.

I can't believe the family would want a heavily pregnant woman to drive 5 hours for a baby shower. It's really not that important of an event and typically incredibly boring.

Okay, let’s go with that. DH’s family is generously welcoming the baby into their extended family. If OP treats it as an unimportant “boring” event, I hope she’s not surprised when more unimportant, boring events like birthdays and graduations and holidays in the future of her child’s life get treated by DH’s family as the unimportant, boring events that they are. Please remember this post when OP comes back in a few years because DH’s family is more focused on other kids in the family then on hers. This is one of those actions-have-consequences moments.