How to 'get over' my parents' untimely deaths?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry for you losses! One thing to keep in mind is may have distorted images of what the future might have looked like. I always thought losing my parents would be the most devastating thing. After watching dad decline into the abysss of Alzheimers over 10 years and having more and more frequent emergencies, falls, hospitalizations and facing the mood swings and seeing him be eventually unable to use the bathroom, talk or even swallow at the end I was so ready for him to pass and rest in peace. I also watched it turn my already challenging mother into an angry tyrant. Now I live in fear of another outburst from my mother. I never know when she will throw verbal daggars at me because she went off her meds and needs a scapegoat and so far this doesn't meet criteria for dementia according to Dr. If I get off the phone, I get long emails with guilt trips, shaming and sometimes just flat out abuse.

If mom and dad died as young as yours did I would be in therapy mourning their loss. Instead I am in therapy processing the abuse, examining my childhood and trying to enforce boundaries and not have a nervous breakdown. I have a spouse, kids and job and this is pure hell.

I hope something I said brings you some sort of relief that you still have beautiful memories of your parents. I'm sorry if I didn't help!

Are you my sibling? This is basically my life. I’m sorry you had to endure all that.

[Anonymous]

I am in the same situation (lost both parents in my early 20s) and as another poster said, it has impacted my whole life in that I have felt unstable ever since and don’t open myself up to people nor do I feel truly known by anyone. I am married with kids and am sure this has impacted my relationship with them although not consciously. I did attend therapy for about 5 years after the birth of my first child (which triggered regrief about my parents not being here, in particular my mom), and I didn’t find it super helpful. I, too, read and appreciated Motherless Daughters, although the parts I connected best to were others’ expressions of continuing grief as to their loss, so I have never been sure if the book helped me other than I felt less alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, go to the family relationships forum. Half the women want their moms dead. 75% wants the same for their MIL. 85% wishes that their SIL/Sister died.

Be thankful that you have good memories.

WTF, something is wrong with you. I haven’t experienced this at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, go to the family relationships forum. Half the women want their moms dead. 75% wants the same for their MIL. 85% wishes that their SIL/Sister died.

Be thankful that you have good memories.

Seriously. My parents made life difficult in so many ways. I care for them but there would never be these happy fantasies you have alive or not.

I also have a sibling with whom I’m not close and is a source of chaos in my life.

Believe it or not, your post was flippant and rude. Sorry your parents suck, but grief isn’t a joke.