9th grader threatened at school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son not to let his mouth write checks he can’t cash. I teach high school and see this all the time - kid runs his mouth and catches the right one on the wrong day. Tell your principal I guess but first deal with your son who created the issue.

Oh well if this is the attitude of high school teachers, it’s pretty easy to see why schools are a mess.

Ma’am I can’t raise your kids for you. They’re teenagers when they get to us. We intervene in bullying but if a kid goes off and starts saying stuff that’s out of pocket and the other kids get pissed, what do you expect?? Obviously nobody wants to see a kid get hurt and hopefully the threats are empty but a kid who runs his mouth eventually will learn this lesson - for OP’s kid, maybe just because scared enough to believe them will set him straight. To be honest some of the “worst” incidents I’ve seen are kids who come at the kids who make fun of or victimize the students with special needs. They really take that personally.

You are a nightmare of a teacher. Can you please consider another career path?

PS - condescendingly calling women “ma’am” is extremely rude and sexist.

[Anonymous]

Can you update us, OP? I have a son that sounds like yours and I am also a teacher. My son runs his mouth too much. Ignore the posters telling you to add or change meds or to tell him to stop. They don’t understand. And so you know, this happens all of the time to kids when without ADHD. Boys that age are pretty stupid in general.

In my experience, if someone was going to hurt someone with a knife, it would not be announced. It would happen without notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son not to let his mouth write checks he can’t cash. I teach high school and see this all the time - kid runs his mouth and catches the right one on the wrong day. Tell your principal I guess but first deal with your son who created the issue.

He has adhd and anxiety. If you really are a teacher, you understand kids KNOW not to do it, but don’t always have the impulse control to prevent it.

DO have you considered that your son’s anxiety makes him think that there’s a crowd of kids all carrying knives and prepared to use them?

Ah, the people who don't understand today's schools. Same people who blame teachers for being "overpaid" and entitled.

I wrote that comment and I’m a public school teacher. Every year, anxious students at my school tell their parents things about gangs, weapons, and drugs that simply are not true. Some of it is that they are told these things by older students who are trying to frighten them. However, a lot of these students have anxiety and manufacture these threats to their safety on their own. Not infrequently with the help of family biases toward people of a particular race, ethnicity, or SES.

+1
I'm the former sped teacher who posted a while back. What a lot of non-teachers fail to realize is that the truly bad kids don't come to school at all. They're out in the streets doing God knows what. I might be worried about this kid if OP said her son was targeted and bullied out of nowhere, but it sounds like OP's child started something and the kid said just enough to shut him up and scare him. Any high school teacher can tell you that the kids who will stab, fight, or seriously hurt you are not going to talk about it or sit patiently and wait. They will snap and attack him immediately without a moment's hesitation. The only delayed reactions you'll see are usually when a kid uses his phone to arrange to have someone jumped after school the same day. One thing about street justice... it's swift.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should post this same question in the special needs forum. The most constructive criticism you’ve received here is from parents of kids with disabilities. You should share screenshots of the threats with the admin at the school and then you should do whatever it takes to work on some self regulation strategies for your son. He can’t leave high school/turn 18 without knowing how to keep from mouthing off at others.

[Anonymous]

Was this at CHS in fcps? My ds told me about a kid making lots of racist comments to a group of boys and he was trying to start a fight with them. He said this kid runs his mouth all the time and he was surprised they didn’t kick his a&$ when it happened last week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son not to let his mouth write checks he can’t cash. I teach high school and see this all the time - kid runs his mouth and catches the right one on the wrong day. Tell your principal I guess but first deal with your son who created the issue.

He has adhd and anxiety. If you really are a teacher, you understand kids KNOW not to do it, but don’t always have the impulse control to prevent it.

DO have you considered that your son’s anxiety makes him think that there’s a crowd of kids all carrying knives and prepared to use them?

Ah, the people who don't understand today's schools. Same people who blame teachers for being "overpaid" and entitled.

I wrote that comment and I’m a public school teacher. Every year, anxious students at my school tell their parents things about gangs, weapons, and drugs that simply are not true. Some of it is that they are told these things by older students who are trying to frighten them. However, a lot of these students have anxiety and manufacture these threats to their safety on their own. Not infrequently with the help of family biases toward people of a particular race, ethnicity, or SES.

+1
I'm the former sped teacher who posted a while back. What a lot of non-teachers fail to realize is that the truly bad kids don't come to school at all. They're out in the streets doing God knows what. I might be worried about this kid if OP said her son was targeted and bullied out of nowhere, but it sounds like OP's child started something and the kid said just enough to shut him up and scare him. Any high school teacher can tell you that the kids who will stab, fight, or seriously hurt you are not going to talk about it or sit patiently and wait. They will snap and attack him immediately without a moment's hesitation. The only delayed reactions you'll see are usually when a kid uses his phone to arrange to have someone jumped after school the same day. One thing about street justice... it's swift.

Yup. They’d never warn him. They’d jump him in the bathroom or the stairs where it’s harder for someone to walk by and see you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son not to let his mouth write checks he can’t cash. I teach high school and see this all the time - kid runs his mouth and catches the right one on the wrong day. Tell your principal I guess but first deal with your son who created the issue.

Oh well if this is the attitude of high school teachers, it’s pretty easy to see why schools are a mess.

Ma’am I can’t raise your kids for you. They’re teenagers when they get to us. We intervene in bullying but if a kid goes off and starts saying stuff that’s out of pocket and the other kids get pissed, what do you expect?? Obviously nobody wants to see a kid get hurt and hopefully the threats are empty but a kid who runs his mouth eventually will learn this lesson - for OP’s kid, maybe just because scared enough to believe them will set him straight. To be honest some of the “worst” incidents I’ve seen are kids who come at the kids who make fun of or victimize the students with special needs. They really take that personally.

You are a nightmare of a teacher. Can you please consider another career path?

PS - condescendingly calling women “ma’am” is extremely rude and sexist.

I’m actually a great teacher. What the hell do you want us to do?

Kid A mouths off
We say stop
He keeps going
Kid B gets pissed
We tell them both to calm down
Pull kid A to hall to talk then possibly refer to counselor or admin or if they have access, school within a school
Kid B at some point after this maybe makes a threat to kid A
Mom tells school
We keep an eye out if admin filters that down to us
Most likely nothing even happens but Kid A is now scared enough by the threat he stops running his mouth

You have no idea how many interactions like this happen each year. They’re teenagers. It’s not that we don’t care. It’s that it’s common and often self correcting. Like I said the only time I have truly heard of a kid getting beat up after one of those incidents was because he was absolutely bullying a kid with Down syndrome and one of the other kids had enough. He got suspended for it but he didn’t even care because he was that defensive of the student who couldn’t defend himself against a bully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son not to let his mouth write checks he can’t cash. I teach high school and see this all the time - kid runs his mouth and catches the right one on the wrong day. Tell your principal I guess but first deal with your son who created the issue.

Oh well if this is the attitude of high school teachers, it’s pretty easy to see why schools are a mess.

Ma’am I can’t raise your kids for you. They’re teenagers when they get to us. We intervene in bullying but if a kid goes off and starts saying stuff that’s out of pocket and the other kids get pissed, what do you expect?? Obviously nobody wants to see a kid get hurt and hopefully the threats are empty but a kid who runs his mouth eventually will learn this lesson - for OP’s kid, maybe just because scared enough to believe them will set him straight. To be honest some of the “worst” incidents I’ve seen are kids who come at the kids who make fun of or victimize the students with special needs. They really take that personally.

You are a nightmare of a teacher. Can you please consider another career path?

PS - condescendingly calling women “ma’am” is extremely rude and sexist.

It’s amazing that even at HS parents think their kids won’t face consequences for their actions. None of the teachers I read in this thread are advocating for a kid to be injured. But they are saying 1)Recognize kid A is the instigator, B) this is a good opportunity to teach kid A a real life lesson, C)don’t always blame ADHD or Anxiety for poor impulse control in teenagers and even if the cause don’t expect other teenagers to be accommodating. Talking sarcastic to other posters who are trying to get OP (and it seems others) to understand reality is pointless. They reality being HS counselors and teachers can try to keep an eye things, but don’t expect that to save OP son if he doesn’t get his mouth under control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son not to let his mouth write checks he can’t cash. I teach high school and see this all the time - kid runs his mouth and catches the right one on the wrong day. Tell your principal I guess but first deal with your son who created the issue.

Oh well if this is the attitude of high school teachers, it’s pretty easy to see why schools are a mess.

Ma’am I can’t raise your kids for you. They’re teenagers when they get to us. We intervene in bullying but if a kid goes off and starts saying stuff that’s out of pocket and the other kids get pissed, what do you expect?? Obviously nobody wants to see a kid get hurt and hopefully the threats are empty but a kid who runs his mouth eventually will learn this lesson - for OP’s kid, maybe just because scared enough to believe them will set him straight. To be honest some of the “worst” incidents I’ve seen are kids who come at the kids who make fun of or victimize the students with special needs. They really take that personally.

You are a nightmare of a teacher. Can you please consider another career path?

PS - condescendingly calling women “ma’am” is extremely rude and sexist.

I’m actually a great teacher. What the hell do you want us to do?

Kid A mouths off
We say stop
He keeps going
Kid B gets pissed
We tell them both to calm down
Pull kid A to hall to talk then possibly refer to counselor or admin or if they have access, school within a school
Kid B at some point after this maybe makes a threat to kid A
Mom tells school
We keep an eye out if admin filters that down to us
Most likely nothing even happens but Kid A is now scared enough by the threat he stops running his mouth

You have no idea how many interactions like this happen each year. They’re teenagers. It’s not that we don’t care. It’s that it’s common and often self correcting. Like I said the only time I have truly heard of a kid getting beat up after one of those incidents was because he was absolutely bullying a kid with Down syndrome and one of the other kids had enough. He got suspended for it but he didn’t even care because he was that defensive of the student who couldn’t defend himself against a bully.

So, you’re actually doing something to help. But, your first post was all “f- it the kid who said something should get beat up, I don’t care.”

Maybe you wouldn’t be in disagreements if you could express yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you update us, OP? I have a son that sounds like yours and I am also a teacher. My son runs his mouth too much. Ignore the posters telling you to add or change meds or to tell him to stop. They don’t understand. And so you know, this happens all of the time to kids when without ADHD. Boys that age are pretty stupid in general.

In my experience, if someone was going to hurt someone with a knife, it would not be announced. It would happen without notice.

OP here. I haven't read the whole thread. Just opened this last page. My kid worked it out. He had settled things with the original kid by apologizing. But it was a friend who was leading the "threats" on social media. And those two worked it out somehow. I'll see where it goes this week.

There are tons of fist fights in this school. The kids record them and post them on social media. And the principal just sent out a letter over the weekend asking us to talk to our kids about fighting and posting (because the posts lead to retaliation). One of my son's friends has been in two fist fights already this year. (I've seen the videos). I was hoping the talk about knives was just that -- talk and bravado and nothing more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was this at CHS in fcps? My ds told me about a kid making lots of racist comments to a group of boys and he was trying to start a fight with them. He said this kid runs his mouth all the time and he was surprised they didn’t kick his a&$ when it happened last week.

No, MCPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tell my son not to let his mouth write checks he can’t cash. I teach high school and see this all the time - kid runs his mouth and catches the right one on the wrong day. Tell your principal I guess but first deal with your son who created the issue.

He has adhd and anxiety. If you really are a teacher, you understand kids KNOW not to do it, but don’t always have the impulse control to prevent it.

DO have you considered that your son’s anxiety makes him think that there’s a crowd of kids all carrying knives and prepared to use them?

OMG of course. I am not new to this. But I also observed all the social media back and forth about it. The kids are threatening him. Just don't know how much of it is just stupid macho talk.

At some point he has to learn to control his mouth. What happens when he’s outside of school and says something? No resource officers there either. He can’t rely on someone else being willing to defend him when he is verbally instigating matters. It’s not fair to either law enforcement or the other kids. I bet he doesn’t even face consequences from you or the school for the horrible things he said.

He called the kid short. Not excusing it. Just saying it's not some horrific racist tripe that some other poster assumed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former high school teacher.

There isn't much the school can do besides talk to both of them. They'll never tell you this, but as long as the weapons aren't on school property, it's not really their concern legally. Of course no one wants a student to be injured, and we deal with so many fatalities involving students after school. ADHD and anxiety aren't the same as severe autism or a severe developmental delay. If your son is able to be in a gen ed classroom, then he has the capacity to learn the consequences of his actions. He NEEDS to learn this if he's going to survive in the outside world. As a former sped teacher, I don't say that with any ill intent or blame directed at you. I used to worry myself sick about some of our students who were given all the resources they needed to feel comfortable at school, but those same things were crippling them because the "real world" wouldn't provide supports for executive functioning and impulse control. And if your child is a minority, then it's doubly important that he learn these things because law enforcement and overzealous "concerned citizens" will not hesitate to respond without any concern for his special needs.

For now, the best thing you can do in this situation is tell your child to stay away from those kids outside of class. Inform the school and ask if a dean or counselor can mediate the situation with the two kids. That will at least let the other kids know that the authorities are aware. It may not stop them from chastising and threatening him, but it will at least do something to prevent serious physical injury. And I'm going to be honest, it may be a good thing that your child is terrified. It may drive home the point that some situations can't be easily resolved by his parents or other adults, so he's going to have to be careful next time. Fear and survival are hardwired into all of us.

I appreciate your taking the time to answer, but I do know all this. I needed to keep him physically safe during that school day. I am fine with his learning consequences. But I also know groups of boys in particular go overboard with violence in a way individual kids don't. (Damascus rape incident, for example) If it had just been my kid and one other, I would have been much less concerned about physical safety.

And if you are a special ed teacher, you know that kids with ADHD function at about 30% behind their same-age peers. I can't solve it all in a day. I was triaging the situation to try to keep him physically safe, but of course we are working on all other aspects of the problem. We constantly work. Constantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you making fun of this, my kid goes to a DCPS and one of his friends mouthed off to an upper-classman two years ago (Pre-covid). He was beaten up pretty badly the next day--pushed down and pummeled in the gut and head by a group of kids. My kid got hauled in to testify about what went down.

This stuff definitely happens in some schools. Just maybe not in your bubble.

The issue is... i would move heaven and hell to make sure my.kid didn't go to a violent school. Why haven't you?

You do get that not everyone has the resources to do this, right? For extra credit, you might also want to realize that everyone has the potential to be violent if the right/wrong buttons are pushed. So maybe it’s not the school that’s violent. You would “move heaven and hell” in this situation. We don’t know, but that’s possibly what the second kid was doing after being publicly disrespected by a younger student.

In a case like this you find the resources. Public disrespect doesn’t permit violence. People need to get over it and learn to move on.

Fighting is stupid, the other person is still around and can do the same thing tomorrow. You have changed the rotation of Earth by kicking someone’s ass.