My Ex-H Cheated, but He won't Admit it...

[Anonymous]

So, when my X came out of the blue asking for a divorce (sex and everything was the same, no changes) he told me it's because he was in love with his boss. The months that followed were him with her, lying to me, they were just friends, nothing happened, I gained too much weight, I wasn't who he thought, etc. Etc. Point is, he kept denying the affair, but had her close down all her Social Media sites, pretends to not be friends with her or anything at all, yet my son constantly speaks of daddy's friend. Several friends and once a completely random acquaintance have spoken of their "intimate friendship." We divorce and he still will not admit the relationship, yet my son has mentioned spending time at her place more than once. He's a scum bag, super abusive, a great liar, a gaslighter, etc. So I dunno why it bothers me that today, I clicked on a friend's profile to support his gofundme page, to find his most recent contributor that "friend." She's not mutual friends with him on FB, and her contribution came after my Ex's. It bothers me that he won't admit the affair. Part of it is he's stubborn, and part of it is super scary, it's exactly what his sister did. She cheated on her husband, everyone know with whom, denied it, 8 years later, still with the OM, still lying and hiding in front of family, yet pictures always pop up on FB and then disappear. It shouldn't matter. It shouldn't bother me. BUT IT DOES. Why am i seeking validation that a scum bag who isn't even man enough to admit he cheated, has? I know his whole point, is as was his whole point during our marriage, to prove to me that I "wasn't worth his love, never earned it" and I "made up the affair because I couldn't just take that he doesn't love me anymore." Mean flamies of DCUM, come out. I need to snap out of this. Expecting him to admit he cheated and is with that (btw, thank God, ugly bitch) is like expecting to win the lottery. Why is this bothering me?

[Anonymous]

It bothers you bc you are letting it bother you instead of letting it go.

You are divorced. Please let yourself not give a fuck about your ex.

[Anonymous]

Because scum bags are some of then most irritating people trolling the planet. Feel sorry for your kids. That's their dad. At least you got to leave him, they are stuck with that fucktard.

[Anonymous]

I believe you. He is a cheating, lying scumbag who deserves not an inch more of your brain space than necessary to care for your child. You win now. You are free from him. You know who he is now and you'll never be fooled. You will raise a son who is a good man. He will figure out what a liar his dad is. He will be different. You can go be happy now. Try. It's over now. He may never get the karma he deserves but you get to go after the happiness you deserve. There was no chsnxe when you were with that POS. now you have a chance. Write yourself a love letter tonight. Go be happy.

[Anonymous]

Aw! Thanks, guys! That is exactly what I needed to hear. I'm stopping this shitty feeling right now. And I'm going to go read and go to bed. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

It bothers you because you want to know why your marriage ended. You really do know why, but he keeps planting seeds of doubt and it's crazy making.

Therapy. You need to talk this through with someone who can help you see that you are focusing on whether he cheated on you and ignoring the more important issues that he treated you badly and has character flaws, and once you see that, you might see things differently.

[Anonymous]

What a pitiful man.

I'm sorry for him in a way. He's weak with no morals. What good can he possibly do on this earth?

[Anonymous]

Well, he has access to your kid and so, presumably, does any girlfriend of his. So while I agree with PP that you need to let go of the question of whether he cheated, it's worth investing some time in getting an understanding of what kind of environment your son is in. Don't make that the excuse to pry into your ex's life, but do try to learn enough so that you can be assured your son is in an appropriate environment.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. Just support. It takes forever to get over this BS.

[Anonymous]

Because at least if he admitted he cheated on you, it would offer you the closure you would need to move on w/your life.

But trust me on this OP, many men will deny deny deny.

Denial is a river in Egypt I say.

You cannot force him to do anything, you have no control over his actions, but you can control your own.

Decide today that you will move forward from this and find closure on your own because you KNOW he cheated. The proof is in the pudding per say.

[Anonymous]

The writing style is eerily familiar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, when my X came out of the blue asking for a divorce (sex and everything was the same, no changes) he told me it's because he was in love with his boss. The months that followed were him with her, lying to me, they were just friends, nothing happened, I gained too much weight, I wasn't who he thought, etc. Etc. Point is, he kept denying the affair, but had her close down all her Social Media sites, pretends to not be friends with her or anything at all, yet my son constantly speaks of daddy's friend. Several friends and once a completely random acquaintance have spoken of their "intimate friendship." We divorce and he still will not admit the relationship, yet my son has mentioned spending time at her place more than once. He's a scum bag, super abusive, a great liar, a gaslighter, etc. So I dunno why it bothers me that today, I clicked on a friend's profile to support his gofundme page, to find his most recent contributor that "friend." She's not mutual friends with him on FB, and her contribution came after my Ex's. It bothers me that he won't admit the affair. Part of it is he's stubborn, and part of it is super scary, it's exactly what his sister did. She cheated on her husband, everyone know with whom, denied it, 8 years later, still with the OM, still lying and hiding in front of family, yet pictures always pop up on FB and then disappear. It shouldn't matter. It shouldn't bother me. BUT IT DOES. Why am i seeking validation that a scum bag who isn't even man enough to admit he cheated, has? I know his whole point, is as was his whole point during our marriage, to prove to me that I "wasn't worth his love, never earned it" and I "made up the affair because I couldn't just take that he doesn't love me anymore." Mean flamies of DCUM, come out. I need to snap out of this. Expecting him to admit he cheated and is with that (btw, thank God, ugly bitch) is like expecting to win the lottery. Why is this bothering me?

Because he is not really a scumbag, and she is not that ugly? Get over it, OP. Marriages break up, that's life.

[Anonymous]

You have the confirmation you need to move on. A cheater will never admit it. My last ex did this. Admitted to sleeping with an ex girlfriend in a town he went to on business after we broke up but vehemently denied sleeping with her when he was in that town two weeks before dumping me out of the blue. By the time I realized that I was done, but I've been cheated on before and tried reconciliation only to realized after two years of trying to make it work that he wasn't worth it. So learn from my mistakes. Reconciliation wouldn't give you peace. The fact that he is gone and when you find someone better then you will thank his skanky ass.

[Anonymous]

My ex-husband cheated and gave me chlamydia. Denied an affair and told me I must have cheated. A divorce, remarriage and only 7 years later did he FINALLY admit it and give details. Closure felt great.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. Living well is the best revenge. If you ever meet her in person, be gracious and friendly to both of them. Act like you couldn't care less about it. Then, you win.