Is this guy just screwing with me?

[Anonymous]

I worked with a guy I got very close too. We were just friends but I developed strong feelings for him, and I thought he had feelings for me but I was never sure. I was senior level to him, and it wouldn't have been okay for anything to happen between us. I suppressed my feelings for him for a long time, but I knew they were there. My job was a dead end, so I left for a better opportunity in another state. Right after I left he started texting me about how much he was going to miss me, doesn't want to be away from me, he even said he loved me. I texted him back that I loved him too. I've had these strong feelings for him for about a year now and got pretty excited that he seemed to feel the same. He's never come out and said he wants a relationship, but that's how I interpreted these messages. But now I'm not sure. I looked at a site where he sometimes posts photographs. He just put up a photo of an ex-girlfriend and captioned it "Love." I looked back over our texts and thought about our phone conversations, and I'm pretty sure he sends those texts about missing me and loving me when he's had a few drinks. Those messages come late at night. When we talk on the phone or text during the day, it's strictly friendly stuff and there's no mention of the love/missing you so much texts. I haven't asked him about it because I know from past discussions with him that he freaks out if a woman moves too fast. I wanted to bide my time and see what happens. If this is something that could develop into a serious thing, I don't want to scare him off.

Should I let this continue? I'm going to be very, very hurt if he is just screwing with me when he's tipsy. I don't understand why he would tell me he loves me if he doesn't want something. If he wants something, then I don't understand why he's putting up photos of old girlfriends. I'm very confused about his behavior and want to know what other people think.

[Anonymous]

If he wanted to spend time with you, he'd ask you out for a drink or something, not just text you. He's messing with you.

[Anonymous]

If this guy wanted to be with you, he'd say so. This isn't that complicated. Drunk dialing/texting is not the basis for a relationship.

Focus on developing friendships and relationships where you currently live. You're keeping your foot in a door that leads to nowhere. Move on from this guy.

[Anonymous]

Don't know what his motivations are but actions speak louder than words and this doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

[Anonymous]

My ex would do that - drunk text & voice messages about us getting married, love, etc. come to find out that sober he was hooking up with ex girlfriends and random strangers. There is something very likely wrong with this person you are texting. Stop now before you get more invested.

[Anonymous]

Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he wanted to spend time with you, he'd ask you out for a drink or something, not just text you. He's messing with you.

I don't know. We don't live close to each other anymore. We can't go out for a drink. After one of his missing you texts, I texted back that he should move near me. He said he would definitely be into that. Never mentioned it again. I really thought after all his missing you / love you texts that this was going to go somewhere.

When I saw that photo of his ex-girlfriend and how he captioned it, I felt foolish. It was a slap across the face. Maybe he just misses working with me. Our workplace was not a good environment, and I know without me there it's not much fun for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wanted to spend time with you, he'd ask you out for a drink or something, not just text you. He's messing with you.

I don't know. We don't live close to each other anymore. We can't go out for a drink. After one of his missing you texts, I texted back that he should move near me. He said he would definitely be into that. Never mentioned it again. I really thought after all his missing you / love you texts that this was going to go somewhere.

When I saw that photo of his ex-girlfriend and how he captioned it, I felt foolish. It was a slap across the face. Maybe he just misses working with me. Our workplace was not a good environment, and I know without me there it's not much fun for him.

YES, YOU DO KNOW! He's just not that into you. Stop trying to analyze this you have all the information you need. Pondering over it won't change anything..again, HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he wanted to spend time with you, he'd ask you out for a drink or something, not just text you. He's messing with you.

I don't know. We don't live close to each other anymore. We can't go out for a drink. After one of his missing you texts, I texted back that he should move near me. He said he would definitely be into that. Never mentioned it again. I really thought after all his missing you / love you texts that this was going to go somewhere.

When I saw that photo of his ex-girlfriend and how he captioned it, I felt foolish. It was a slap across the face. Maybe he just misses working with me. Our workplace was not a good environment, and I know without me there it's not much fun for him.

Wow, you really want to rationalize this into a relationship, don't you? Fine, so drinks aren't happening spur-of-the-moment. But no relationship is built on texts alone. If he wanted a relationship he'd call you, suggest making plans to come visit you, etc. He's not doing any of that because He's. Not. Interested.

[Anonymous]

I know and it hurts so bad. i don't understand why someone would do this to me. Someone who was my friend for several years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know and it hurts so bad. i don't understand why someone would do this to me. Someone who was my friend for several years.

Because he's not a nice guy. Perhaps the question you should be asking is why you were so easily taken in by him for so many years. That's a serious suggestion, and one that might be worth some sessions with a therapist to figure out.

[Anonymous]

Honest feelings come out when people are tipsy. He's afraid of his feelings and he consequences of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest feelings come out when people are tipsy. He's afraid of his feelings and he consequences of them.

This one of the things I tell myself when I'm rationalizing. He is afraid of relationships, so it was easy for me to tell myself this. But that photo opened my eyes. I don't think he's truly a bad guy. I think he does miss me but not in the way I want him to. This is going to hurt for a while. I'll ignore his next text.

[Anonymous]

So you say you've moved out of state? Have you seen him since he's started sending these drunk texts?

I wouldn't expect this to go anywhere if for no other reason than the distance. I'd enjoy it for what it is while cultivating relationships in your new state.

[Anonymous]

This ain't going anywhere. He only texts you this stuff late at night and you live out of state. I'd stop replying to the late-night texts and mentally get over him.