How do we talk with our teens about 50 Shades?!!

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the series but did just read this article in The Atlantic about it called "Consent Isn’t Enough: The Troubling Sex of Fifty Shades" mainly because DS, age 13, has mentioned it frequently the past 2 weeks with all the social media and no other recognizable movies (to him anyway) out except Sponge Bob when he googles the local theaters. Here's the link: http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2015/02/consent-isnt-enough-in-fifty-shades-of-grey/385267/

We also have a 16 yo DD. Reading the article made me shudder about how to explain this sh$# to teens. It's way more than they need to know right now and it's SO in their faces and should not be - and I don't really consider myself a prude at all. DS is unfortunately one of those kids who already has girls throwing themselves on him and much as we advise him to slow down, he enjoys the attention and probably will take advantage of it - it is just his personality and we are trying figure it out since DH and I didn't experience that. DD is much more conservative and quiet and I worry for her if all the guys out there decide this is what they are into and she's not.

So, I'm curious to hear what the DCUM community thinks about this and how you all plan to discuss or avoid the whole thing with your kids. We'd rather have them hear about some of it from us but how on earth do we discuss BSDM, an@l etc with them?

[Anonymous]

My DD16 has also expressed an interest based on all the hype. I simply told her it was inappropriate for her age, on the line with "soft porn", explained the bondage, and told her that she would not be allowed to see it. She then wanted to read the book. I said absolutely not "Read your assigned English book"! I haven't read the book, but I imagine it's much more graphic than the movie. My book club read it (I opted out of reading it), and the women were talking about getting all hot and bothered while reading it. No teenager needs to be sexually stimulated from reading a book!! IMO.

[Anonymous]

Explain that most books aren't so poorly written and that dialogue can be done well. I'm less offended by the sex than the terrible terrible writing. I tried to read this but I just couldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Explain that most books aren't so poorly written and that dialogue can be done well. I'm less offended by the sex than the terrible terrible writing. I tried to read this but I just couldn't.

Agreed. You can tell it started as Twilight fan fiction.

We don't treat it any differently than the other highly suggestive stuff we see and hear every day.

[Anonymous]

I tell my kids some people have very low self esteem and let people treat them badly. Some people have self esteem issues and need to feel they can control others. Both scenarios are not good, unhealthy and toxic.

I also say that porn and soft porn creates unrealistic expectation for married and committed sex and that watching too much of it is not healthy.

[Anonymous]

A teen that is hell bent on reading it is going to read it. You can't prevent it they will find a way. But that doesn't mean that you have to approve of it, provide the book or try to explain what is happening in the book to a child (even a teen). It is not age appropriate material and there is no way to make it age appropriate material. Just convey that it's a book for adults and that one day when they are older they can decide if they want to read it...it will still be there.

[Anonymous]

My 17 yo DD read the book at 16 as did all of her friends. She said none of them are interested in the movie at all, including her and won't see it.

[Anonymous]

I don't prohibit books.
But won't let kids see the movie.

[Anonymous]

OMG our human teenage children have a sexuality? GASP!!!

Signed,
June Cleaver

[Anonymous]

The secretary is the same story, but a much better movie.

[Anonymous]

Since the majority here are not prudes, I hope to read stories about your kids, male and female, acting out this movie. I gots my popcorn ready.

[Anonymous]

In the 70's the shocking movie was "Looking for Mr Goodbar". Ugh, at 17 we snuck in to see this. I wish I hadn't seen it. Did it affect me profoundly? No. I wouldn't have wanted my mother to be worrying about it - would have thought she had better things to worry about. It wasn't that big a deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 17 yo DD read the book at 16 as did all of her friends. She said none of them are interested in the movie at all, including her and won't see it.

Read it with your approval I presume? Sure she doesn't want to see the movie .

[Anonymous]

She is only 12, but has heard of the book. I am a voracious reader and we hit the library at least once a week. She asked if I was going to read it. I said no, I don't really need to read badly written porn. She was immediately uninterested.

if I found out she wanted to see the movie I'd say not until she was old enough based on the rating AND after she'd read the book and we'd talked about it.

Teens are sexual beings. That's okay.

[Anonymous]

Lol. I'm not going to talk to my kids about BDSM - Ever. As in - Never.

That is just not parent/kid conversation. Sorry.

It's an adult film. Kids in HS or God knows middle school should not be going to see it. Is nothing saved for 18 year old graduates anymore or do kids do it all by 13 nowadays?