How do we talk with our teens about 50 Shades?!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG our human teenage children have a sexuality? GASP!!!

Signed,
June Cleaver

The story is lame June.

Signed,

Janis Joplin

[Anonymous]

There are many reasons to love having boys. This is one of them. My teenage sons are clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are many reasons to love having boys. This is one of them. My teenage sons are clueless.

Mine too. Thank goodness!

[Anonymous]

Lesson #1:

People like sex, and sex is usually fun, but not always. It can be painful and humiliating, too. Which is why you only do it when you know you're in charge of yourself and you and your partner are totally respectful of each other.

Lesson #2:

Sometimes ppl say 'yes' to something, but that doesn't mean it's actually okay. Someone might say yes because they're afraid, curious but uninformed, want to be liked, don't understand the dangers or risks. In those cases, "yes" doesn't mean yes.

Lesson #3:

For someone just learning about sex and romance, a movie like this might make stupid and dangerous stuff seem normal or typical. It's not.

[Anonymous]

A 10 yo boy (my sons friend) asked me about seeing the movie.

I told him it was an adult movie with sex in it, so probably not a good movie to see.

He said, "Awww, I thought it was going to about art, 50 SHADES of grey."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lesson #1:

People like sex, and sex is usually fun, but not always. It can be painful and humiliating, too. Which is why you only do it when you know you're in charge of yourself and you and your partner are totally respectful of each other.

Lesson #2:

Sometimes ppl say 'yes' to something, but that doesn't mean it's actually okay. Someone might say yes because they're afraid, curious but uninformed, want to be liked, don't understand the dangers or risks. In those cases, "yes" doesn't mean yes.

Lesson #3:

For someone just learning about sex and romance, a movie like this might make stupid and dangerous stuff seem normal or typical. It's not.

Nice summary!

[Anonymous]

I have to say nothing would have stopped me from reading this book as a teen if it had been around in the 80's. I remember seeing Fatal Attraction and being pretty shocked at the visual versus the book world of sex.

I think it is worth saying this is for a time when you have a sense of your self whatever that may be.

BTW Looking for a Mr. Goodbar really was just crap when I saw it sometime in the 90's goes to show that every decade has something pretty misongynistic and pretty awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lesson #1:

People like sex, and sex is usually fun, but not always. It can be painful and humiliating, too. Which is why you only do it when you know you're in charge of yourself and you and your partner are totally respectful of each other.

Lesson #2:

Sometimes ppl say 'yes' to something, but that doesn't mean it's actually okay. Someone might say yes because they're afraid, curious but uninformed, want to be liked, don't understand the dangers or risks. In those cases, "yes" doesn't mean yes.

Lesson #3:

For someone just learning about sex and romance, a movie like this might make stupid and dangerous stuff seem normal or typical. It's not.

Well said, PP. And I think #3 is something that teens really need to hear.

[Anonymous]

I read a lot of erotica when I was a teen, mainly the steamy parts from my moms books or the moms of the kids I babysat for. I think it did encourage me to be more sexual, certainly more open about my sexuality and interested in trying new things that were inappropriate for a teenager. At the very least, the books upped already raging hormones. I would discourage my girls from reading it but not forbid but I would not allow the movie.

I wish my mom had taught me the 3 lessons listed above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lesson #1:

People like sex, and sex is usually fun, but not always. It can be painful and humiliating, too. Which is why you only do it when you know you're in charge of yourself and you and your partner are totally respectful of each other.

Lesson #2:

Sometimes ppl say 'yes' to something, but that doesn't mean it's actually okay. Someone might say yes because they're afraid, curious but uninformed, want to be liked, don't understand the dangers or risks. In those cases, "yes" doesn't mean yes.

Lesson #3:

For someone just learning about sex and romance, a movie like this might make stupid and dangerous stuff seem normal or typical. It's not.

OP here, thanks for the comments. These comments here are what we have focused on the past few years already and hopefully this will be enough - as we all know they have easy access to all this and we can't really control what they choose to look at, much less what they see at/when with their friends' etc.

[Anonymous]

Have some faith that a normal teen will recognize sick & twisted when (if) they see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD16 has also expressed an interest based on all the hype. I simply told her it was inappropriate for her age, on the line with "soft porn", explained the bondage, and told her that she would not be allowed to see it. She then wanted to read the book. I said absolutely not "Read your assigned English book"! I haven't read the book, but I imagine it's much more graphic than the movie. My book club read it (I opted out of reading it), and the women were talking about getting all hot and bothered while reading it. No teenager needs to be sexually stimulated from reading a book!! IMO.

Well, I feel you, but when I was that age, my favorite one-handed read was Anais Nin.

I think we need to talk about healthy boundaries, consent, and sexuality. And if you haven't read it (and it's A-ok with me if you haven't), it's hard to know what the issue is besides being uncomfortable with teen sexuality

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lesson #1:

People like sex, and sex is usually fun, but not always. It can be painful and humiliating, too. Which is why you only do it when you know you're in charge of yourself and you and your partner are totally respectful of each other.

Lesson #2:

Sometimes ppl say 'yes' to something, but that doesn't mean it's actually okay. Someone might say yes because they're afraid, curious but uninformed, want to be liked, don't understand the dangers or risks. In those cases, "yes" doesn't mean yes.

Lesson #3:

For someone just learning about sex and romance, a movie like this might make stupid and dangerous stuff seem normal or typical. It's not.

PP who was the teen Anais Nin fan here. The numbered lessons are good ones, IMO.
OP here, thanks for the comments. These comments here are what we have focused on the past few years already and hopefully this will be enough - as we all know they have easy access to all this and we can't really control what they choose to look at, much less what they see at/when with their friends' etc.

[Anonymous]

That embedded weird...
Anyway, I like lessons 1-3. And I am generally in favor of girls getting themselves off - safely by themselves with whatever they discover may float their boat.

[Anonymous]

Haha I remember watching Looking for Mr. Goodbar in college. All the hype was for naught. Fifty Shades has the same kind of feel. I am ambivalent b/c I know kids will want to know more and probably have found information on the internet. On the other hand, I don't know if they understand the book does not depict a healthy relationship.