attending weddings of relatives you hardly know
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Anonymous
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I haven't been to many weddings in my life but the few I've been invited to are for relatives I couldn't pick out in a crowd. Most recently, DH and I were invited to the wedding of a cousin I don't know well at all. We're also about 10 years apart. If our parents had put in more effort when we were younger, we'd probably be closer but at this point, I don't see us being friendly, especially since we live on opposite coasts. My mother and her father are cousins and after years of coming up with excuses as to why we never saw them for anything other than funerals (seriously, one of the last times I saw this cousin was at a funeral), now we're expected to go out of our way to cultivate ties with them. Now, all of a sudden, my mother is all about the importance of family and how I should put in the effort and come to this wedding, which will cost a pretty penny. In a way, it wouldn't be awful to go as it's a destination wedding in a nice place and there will be a few relatives there I know and enjoy my time with. Still, I don't know if it's pointless and will just be a lot of money spent making other people happy. I was even invited to the bridal shower which to me, makes no sense as I thought those are for the bride to be with the people closest to her. I'd feel really weird showing up with a gift and watching her open a gift from a stranger, basically. I'm being pressured to send a gift because it's "the right thing to do." She's not controlling the guest list, though-- it's her mother and grandmother. Honestly, if I were her, I wouldn't want me there. I wouldn't want me traveling to be there. I wouldn't want me spending $50 on a gift for someone I'm not close to. But that's just me.
For those who have attended such weddings, are you glad you went? Was it more about a good time for you than getting to know cousin so and so? |
Anonymous
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If it weren't for weddings and funerals, I'd never see my cousins.
Do you like family reunions, OP. If so, go to the wedding. You'll see other relatives there and it might be fun. If this is not at all interesting to you, then politely decline. |
Anonymous
| Waste of time and money. Won't do it again. |
Anonymous
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I wouldn't go. I may be an anomoly though. I only invited relatives to my wedding if we speak on a somewhat frequent basis. I find inviting relatives who barely know you or have even met your spouse, strange. My father would want me to attend a cousin's wedding but at the same time wouldn't have put forth any effort to make sure I spent time with these family members over the years. I'm just not a fan of going to every wedding and funeral but not ever spending time with someone during the normal course of life.
Chances are you'll enjoy the wedding, everything will be super friendly with your cousin and you'll leave all happy. Then you'll never speak again until uncle Bob dies in ten years. I say spend the evening with a friend or someone you're actually close to. Life is too short. |
Anonymous
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It sounds like you really don't want to go, so you shouldn't. I would enjoy it, especially given the nice destination, but I would treat it as a vacation with the wedding being a very small part of it.
Also, don't attend the bridal shower. |
Anonymous
| If you have the money and vacation time it might be a good way to launch some connections. If you can't afford the time or money, then don't. |
Anonymous
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OP, think of the whole picture - it's a family gathering. Even if you hardly know the bride/groom.
Go if you can - if you can be enthusiastic. Do not go if you are going to treat it as an obligation. And always consider going just yourself. To see your family. Much less impact financially/etc |
Anonymous
| I don't go to the weddings of relatives I've hardly met; I just send a gift. |
Anonymous
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Your mother is getting older and thinking about mortality. If she's gone, who will be your family? She doesn't want to leave you all alone. That's where she's coming from.
If you want to get to know your cousins better, then start going to all family events. If you don't care, send a check and let that be the end of it. Either one is really okay. |
Anonymous
| If you barely know her and don't want to go, then don't. I wouldn't feel guilty for one minute about this. I would send a gift though. |
Anonymous
| I would go. Think of it as a family reunion. |
Anonymous
| Gift grab. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't go and I wouldn't even send a gift. Just because you get an invitation doesn't mean you have to send a gift. |
Anonymous
Especially for people you hardly know! |
Anonymous
Agreed. I've been to a couple of weddings for people I barely know, and they weren't fun. Especially when the bride or groom isn't even sure who you are. If you want to go on a vacation, go on a vacation. I don't think attending this wedding would be high on my priority list. |