My son is always badly behaved at school

[Anonymous]

Yes we are treating him for anxiety. But he is still bad. He gets in trouble ALL.THE.TIME. The teacher or principal calls me at least every week. He hasn't lit the school on fire or anything (yet), but he pushes, kicks, etc. These are supposedly his friends, too. He doesn't actually hurt anyone, but the school is always upset. We have him in therapy, supposedly he is getting better, but these incidents still happen over and over. And he's generally ok at home. There seems to be nothing we can do. We talk to him, we are working on stuff our therapist gave us to do with him. He knows he's on thin ice at school, and yet he keeps doing stupid stuff. I'm so mad. And the teacher keeps calling me and I don't know what to tell her. He's in 3rd grade. We are considering changing schools but would rather make it through this year, because the change would also cause anxiety.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry- I can't imagine how stressful that must be, not only for you but also for him. I imagine he doesn't "want" to be bad but maybe is too impulsive to help himself. I hope you can find something that helps him.

[Anonymous]

Has anyone at your school done a functional behavioral assessment? That's usually part of the process of crafting a behavior plan, and it can be enormously helpful. The idea is to describe the problematic behaviors, figure out what triggers them, and assess what their function is for the student (hence the name). Maybe ask for this as part of a behavior plan?

I am so sorry. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

I would get a full eval to make sure he is not struggling in any areas that instead of asking for help, he acts up. Pretty common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes we are treating him for anxiety. But he is still bad. He gets in trouble ALL.THE.TIME. The teacher or principal calls me at least every week. He hasn't lit the school on fire or anything (yet), but he pushes, kicks, etc. These are supposedly his friends, too. He doesn't actually hurt anyone, but the school is always upset. We have him in therapy, supposedly he is getting better, but these incidents still happen over and over. And he's generally ok at home. There seems to be nothing we can do. We talk to him, we are working on stuff our therapist gave us to do with him. He knows he's on thin ice at school, and yet he keeps doing stupid stuff. I'm so mad. And the teacher keeps calling me and I don't know what to tell her. He's in 3rd grade. We are considering changing schools but would rather make it through this year, because the change would also cause anxiety.

m

F@king unacceptable!!! Your 8-9 year old shoukd NOT be kicking, pushing, eating other students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone at your school done a functional behavioral assessment? That's usually part of the process of crafting a behavior plan, and it can be enormously helpful. The idea is to describe the problematic behaviors, figure out what triggers them, and assess what their function is for the student (hence the name). Maybe ask for this as part of a behavior plan?

I am so sorry. Hugs to you.

This is an excellent idea.

Also, does he have any expressive speech issues? Sometimes this leads to inappropriate behavior if a kid is frustrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes we are treating him for anxiety. But he is still bad. He gets in trouble ALL.THE.TIME. The teacher or principal calls me at least every week. He hasn't lit the school on fire or anything (yet), but he pushes, kicks, etc. These are supposedly his friends, too. He doesn't actually hurt anyone, but the school is always upset. We have him in therapy, supposedly he is getting better, but these incidents still happen over and over. And he's generally ok at home. There seems to be nothing we can do. We talk to him, we are working on stuff our therapist gave us to do with him. He knows he's on thin ice at school, and yet he keeps doing stupid stuff. I'm so mad. And the teacher keeps calling me and I don't know what to tell her. He's in 3rd grade. We are considering changing schools but would rather make it through this year, because the change would also cause anxiety.

m

F@king unacceptable!!! Your 8-9 year old shoukd NOT be kicking, pushing, eating other students.

You are so helpful. I bet your parents are proud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes we are treating him for anxiety. But he is still bad. He gets in trouble ALL.THE.TIME. The teacher or principal calls me at least every week. He hasn't lit the school on fire or anything (yet), but he pushes, kicks, etc. These are supposedly his friends, too. He doesn't actually hurt anyone, but the school is always upset. We have him in therapy, supposedly he is getting better, but these incidents still happen over and over. And he's generally ok at home. There seems to be nothing we can do. We talk to him, we are working on stuff our therapist gave us to do with him. He knows he's on thin ice at school, and yet he keeps doing stupid stuff. I'm so mad. And the teacher keeps calling me and I don't know what to tell her. He's in 3rd grade. We are considering changing schools but would rather make it through this year, because the change would also cause anxiety.

m

F@king unacceptable!!! Your 8-9 year old shoukd NOT be kicking, pushing, eating other students.

Calm yourself. Get aHOLD of yourself. OP knows this. And is clearly working on trying to address it. You are instructed to refrain from participating in this thread anymore if you cannot behave well.

[Anonymous]

Oy- I've been there and my heart goes out to you. It is so hard being the parent as there is no real way to help the situation.

You said you are treating the anxiety. Is that through medication or counseling? For us, we did not see any true behavior change until we began medicating with an SSRI (zoloft for us). I know how hard it is to medicate a child, but truly sometimes it is just their brain wiring is different. Hitting/kicking/etc is definitely not acceptable so you will need to work with the school and doctors to figure out a way to stop those behaviors. The school has to call if they are happening. Does he have an IEP. If so, make sure the special ed teacher knows what steps you are taking at home and don't be afraid to ask for suggestions of what else to try.

If the anxiety is under control (which it definitely might not be since his behavior is happening at school and not at home where he is more comfortable), I would suggest a full neuropsych to rule out co-morbid conditions- especially ADHD. His impulsivity might be coming from more that one place and if you are only treating the anxiety, there might be other things going on that he is unable to control.

Children with mental health issues like anxiety and ADHD often present about 2 years behind behaviorally. It's not a fun wait for them to catch-up to their peers.

Good Luck OP!

[Anonymous]

OP, you might try cross posting in the Special Needs forum- you may get even more helpful info.

My heart goes out to you.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks. To clarify, he hasn't been eating other students. He's only 8 and doesn't even like girls yet.

He's very verbal but the anxiety and frustration seem to be the root cause. We've had some testing done. His school hasn't done a behavior assessment although we've talked extensively on strategies and such, with the therapist going in several times as well. I'm in there about every other week. Luckily my employer has given me time off to take care of this stuff because it is taking a huge chunk of time lately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes we are treating him for anxiety. But he is still bad. He gets in trouble ALL.THE.TIME. The teacher or principal calls me at least every week. He hasn't lit the school on fire or anything (yet), but he pushes, kicks, etc. These are supposedly his friends, too. He doesn't actually hurt anyone, but the school is always upset. We have him in therapy, supposedly he is getting better, but these incidents still happen over and over. And he's generally ok at home. There seems to be nothing we can do. We talk to him, we are working on stuff our therapist gave us to do with him. He knows he's on thin ice at school, and yet he keeps doing stupid stuff. I'm so mad. And the teacher keeps calling me and I don't know what to tell her. He's in 3rd grade. We are considering changing schools but would rather make it through this year, because the change would also cause anxiety.

m

F@king unacceptable!!! Your 8-9 year old shoukd NOT be kicking, pushing, eating other students.

Calm yourself. Get aHOLD of yourself. OP knows this. And is clearly working on trying to address it. You are instructed to refrain from participating in this thread anymore if you cannot behave well.

Exactly. OP is reaching out. You are a jerk. OP you are not a bad parent so pleassssse do not blame yourself. An employee of mind has a SN DS and it is hard for her to deal with all the parents giving her the cold shoulder. Have some compassion when the parents are reaching out for help. It could be you one day and if not, just count your blessings.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I know your son, or at least one like him. The boy I know is avoided by nearly everyone because he pushes and kicks other children for no reason. He purposefully hit my 18 month old DD in the nose at pick up time, just as he was passing by. My son in the same class wants absolutely nothing to do with him, and we all wonder why his parents are not dealing better with the situation before someone gets permanently injured and lawsuits fly.

So my advice to you, OP, is to tell your pediatrician, and ask what kind of evaluation is necessary. At the same time, you can get the school to act on your behalf by requesting a behavioral assessment.
Please take this seriously, because I can assure you that your child's peers are suffering more than you are. You're not the one being hit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Maybe I know your son, or at least one like him. The boy I know is avoided by nearly everyone because he pushes and kicks other children for no reason. He purposefully hit my 18 month old DD in the nose at pick up time, just as he was passing by. My son in the same class wants absolutely nothing to do with him, and we all wonder why his parents are not dealing better with the situation before someone gets permanently injured and lawsuits fly.

So my advice to you, OP, is to tell your pediatrician, and ask what kind of evaluation is necessary. At the same time, you can get the school to act on your behalf by requesting a behavioral assessment.
Please take this seriously, because I can assure you that your child's peers are suffering more than you are. You're not the one being hit.

So unbelievably self-centered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Maybe I know your son, or at least one like him. The boy I know is avoided by nearly everyone because he pushes and kicks other children for no reason. He purposefully hit my 18 month old DD in the nose at pick up time, just as he was passing by. My son in the same class wants absolutely nothing to do with him, and we all wonder why his parents are not dealing better with the situation before someone gets permanently injured and lawsuits fly.

So my advice to you, OP, is to tell your pediatrician, and ask what kind of evaluation is necessary. At the same time, you can get the school to act on your behalf by requesting a behavioral assessment.
Please take this seriously, because I can assure you that your child's peers are suffering more than you are. You're not the one being hit.

So unbelievably self-centered.

Not really. My son exhibited many of the same behaviors as OPs and I did just what the PP suggested. I had my DS assessed and he was found to have ADHD, which explained a lot of his behavior, which was becoming isolating and he was beginning to get labeled a troublemaker. He could not control his impulsive behavior. Once we got the diagnosis, the pediatrician prescribed medication, which was transforming. He is now a happy, well adjusted child with lots of friends.