My son is always badly behaved at school

[Anonymous]

We have family members with a lower-elemwntary kid like this. There's no discipline in their home, so the "looking for medical issues" thing is just the out they want, to avoid responsibility for creating a monster.

Do you have set rules in your home, OP? Consequences? Do you ever tell him No?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Maybe I know your son, or at least one like him. The boy I know is avoided by nearly everyone because he pushes and kicks other children for no reason. He purposefully hit my 18 month old DD in the nose at pick up time, just as he was passing by. My son in the same class wants absolutely nothing to do with him, and we all wonder why his parents are not dealing better with the situation before someone gets permanently injured and lawsuits fly.

So my advice to you, OP, is to tell your pediatrician, and ask what kind of evaluation is necessary. At the same time, you can get the school to act on your behalf by requesting a behavioral assessment.
Please take this seriously, because I can assure you that your child's peers are suffering more than you are. You're not the one being hit.

So unbelievably self-centered.

You can't be serious. I would be telling my kids to slug this kid right back, and harder. That will stop him in his tracks.

[Anonymous]

My son got in trouble a lot before he was diagnosed with ADHD. He takes medication and his teachers last year and this year said they have never had a behavior issue with him. They didn't really believe he was ever a behavior issue.

[Anonymous]

OP,

My child is in middle school now, but we dealt with a few classmates over the years like your son. Those families are typically pariahs at school so if your son is not being frozen out and excluded, he will be soon unless his behavior changes. You will be given the cold shoulder as well as any younger siblings.

I would strongly recommend that you talk with other parents about your frustrations and discuss openly the things you are doing to work on the situation -- like specifically describe what evaluations you are seeking and what therapies you are doing. The families in your sons grade who know who he is and ask that their child not be placed in his class, sat next to him in class, and ask for him not to be in their kid's field trip group all think you are doing nothing. If you have any hope of hanging on there, communicate all that you are doing with him.

[Anonymous]

Since what you are doing isn't working, you need to find something else. I would go beyond a behavioral assessment and get a global evaluation by a developmental pediatrician. There may be something like ADD underlying this. I knew a child who behaved as your child did until he was diagnosed with ADHD and treated with both behavioral and medical treatments. It turns out he is an incredibly sweet bright kid. ADHD affects impulse control. If it is "just" anxiety, you might consider medication until your DS can learn to control his behaviors.

And try to avoid labeling him bad to him, even though there are plenty here on DCUM who will be quick to do the same. He almost certainly already feels like a bad kid and all that does is feed the problem. You are a good mom.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel for you. A few years ago my DS was like that in preschool. We asked for an evaluation through the county and later on Kennedy Krieger, found issues with expressive speech and later on ADHD. DS has an IEP at school, we haven't been called in several years now with the exception of "he's running a small fever, pick him up".

1. Get a full evaluation
2. Push for an IEP
3. Continue with therapy
4. Investigate special needs schools in your area

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Maybe I know your son, or at least one like him. The boy I know is avoided by nearly everyone because he pushes and kicks other children for no reason. He purposefully hit my 18 month old DD in the nose at pick up time, just as he was passing by. My son in the same class wants absolutely nothing to do with him, and we all wonder why his parents are not dealing better with the situation before someone gets permanently injured and lawsuits fly.

So my advice to you, OP, is to tell your pediatrician, and ask what kind of evaluation is necessary. At the same time, you can get the school to act on your behalf by requesting a behavioral assessment.
Please take this seriously, because I can assure you that your child's peers are suffering more than you are. You're not the one being hit.

So unbelievably self-centered.

You can't be serious. I would be telling my kids to slug this kid right back, and harder. That will stop him in his tracks.

+1. I agree. And I HAVE told my kids to handle hitting like this, by slugging right back. OP, I do feel for you and for your son, but these other posters are right. You need to address within the school/ class community before the isolation your family will experience becomes a bigger problem. I have found that generally, parents are understanding and forgiving, unless they think said child's family is totally ignoring the situation.

[Anonymous]

SUMMER CAMP.

You should be working with the pediatrician, therapist, and all online resources available to locate a camp specializing in behavioral issues.

Meds are a requirement at this point. I don't say this lightly.

Look into what kind of support services are available through the school system and whatever health insurance you have. Avail yourself of everything.

Third grade is late for an intervention, but not too late. You will probably have to change schools in order to provide a clean slate.

Get multiple assessments. Gather as much information you can from as many sources as possible. Address this with the utmost seriousness.

Best of luck to you and your family. It will be challenging but it's also the best investment you'll ever make.

[Anonymous]

I have a good friend that went through something similar with her DD in 3rd/4th grade. They were not a home without discipline. Antidepressants did wonders. Mom felt like, with the medical change, the rest of the strategies could actually worked. Her daughter is noticiablly happier as is the rest of the family. Sometimes you really need the medication to stop a bad cycle. Ultimate diagnosis was ADHD + learning differences. Tons of time to craft IEP; thearpist; psychiatrist. You're just going to have to buckle down and do the hard work this situation demands. If you committ to working through this now (and it may take 6 months) your child will benefit immensely in the future.

I think you are right to consider a school change. As others have indicated the reputation will follow your son even after your intervention changes his behavior. He will likely benefit from a new environment but I'd wait until next fall when you hopefully have things under control. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since what you are doing isn't working, you need to find something else. I would go beyond a behavioral assessment and get a global evaluation by a developmental pediatrician. There may be something like ADD underlying this. I knew a child who behaved as your child did until he was diagnosed with ADHD and treated with both behavioral and medical treatments. It turns out he is an incredibly sweet bright kid. ADHD affects impulse control. If it is "just" anxiety, you might consider medication until your DS can learn to control his behaviors.

And try to avoid labeling him bad to him, even though there are plenty here on DCUM who will be quick to do the same. He almost certainly already feels like a bad kid and all that does is feed the problem. You are a good mom.

Totally reiterate the labeling is a major problem. Kids will act they way they thin you think they are. Rather than tell him he's "bad," you need to tell him that he must learn better self-control so he doesn't hurt his friends, that you know it's hard, and that you are going to help him. He needs to know that you have high standards but that you are on his side to coach him through this.

[Anonymous]

Others have said this, so I'm being repetitive, but as an ADHD mom, I'll also say that ADHD is definitely a possibility here, and causes all sorts of problems with impulse control. Definitely get him assessed for this. Medication is really helpful with the impulse control. Unfortunately, with boys, lack of impulse control often manifests in negative physical ways.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP with the toddler DD who got punched by a similarly impulsive child.

Just wanted to reinforce the "reputation" issue. It's been years since the worst instances of violence from this kid, but not only will my DD run away the minute she sees this kid from afar; but my DS told this boy, in his mother's presence, that he didn't want to play with him because he had been a bully in the past and he remembered all the times he had been shoved from the top of the playground equipment to fall on the ground.

The mother was mortified and I made my son apologize for saying something mean out loud. However it was perfectly true and I later told him in private that his feelings were perfectly legitimate.

I have a child with special needs, OP, and since my children's school is inclusive, I see many children with various behavioral issues. I know it's hard to admit your own kid has a problem, and it's difficult to act on that knowledge and seek appropriate treatment. But please do so before it is too late. Habits die hard and early intervention is key. You don't want to traumatize more children and cement your child's reputation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes we are treating him for anxiety. But he is still bad. He gets in trouble ALL.THE.TIME. The teacher or principal calls me at least every week. He hasn't lit the school on fire or anything (yet), but he pushes, kicks, etc. These are supposedly his friends, too. He doesn't actually hurt anyone, but the school is always upset. We have him in therapy, supposedly he is getting better, but these incidents still happen over and over. And he's generally ok at home. There seems to be nothing we can do. We talk to him, we are working on stuff our therapist gave us to do with him. He knows he's on thin ice at school, and yet he keeps doing stupid stuff. I'm so mad. And the teacher keeps calling me and I don't know what to tell her. He's in 3rd grade. We are considering changing schools but would rather make it through this year, because the change would also cause anxiety.

m

F@king unacceptable!!! Your 8-9 year old shoukd NOT be kicking, pushing, eating other students.

Calm yourself. Get aHOLD of yourself. OP knows this. And is clearly working on trying to address it. You are instructed to refrain from participating in this thread anymore if you cannot behave well.

It's sad, but we have a student at our school who is repeatedly punching, kicking and knocking kids down. He's a complete menace. He has moved through the grades with next to no improvement. As a parent of a kid that has come home with bruise, bloody scrapes, A BLACK EYE, you have to understand why other parents who expect a safe environment for their kids are angry. IF the teachers and Prinicipal are constantly calling there is a REAL problem.

I am glad you are taking action. The kid at our school has parents that do nothing. They are oblivious. He is on our soccer team and he is constantly fouling, bullying the other players and not listening to the coach who has had to pull him out of the game.

I feel for you, OP. But-- do not let it go on and on and on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes we are treating him for anxiety. But he is still bad. He gets in trouble ALL.THE.TIME. The teacher or principal calls me at least every week. He hasn't lit the school on fire or anything (yet), but he pushes, kicks, etc. These are supposedly his friends, too. He doesn't actually hurt anyone, but the school is always upset. We have him in therapy, supposedly he is getting better, but these incidents still happen over and over. And he's generally ok at home. There seems to be nothing we can do. We talk to him, we are working on stuff our therapist gave us to do with him. He knows he's on thin ice at school, and yet he keeps doing stupid stuff. I'm so mad. And the teacher keeps calling me and I don't know what to tell her. He's in 3rd grade. We are considering changing schools but would rather make it through this year, because the change would also cause anxiety.

m

F@king unacceptable!!! Your 8-9 year old shoukd NOT be kicking, pushing, eating other students.

Calm yourself. Get aHOLD of yourself. OP knows this. And is clearly working on trying to address it. You are instructed to refrain from participating in this thread anymore if you cannot behave well.

It's sad, but we have a student at our school who is repeatedly punching, kicking and knocking kids down. He's a complete menace. He has moved through the grades with next to no improvement. As a parent of a kid that has come home with bruise, bloody scrapes, A BLACK EYE, you have to understand why other parents who expect a safe environment for their kids are angry. IF the teachers and Prinicipal are constantly calling there is a REAL problem.

I am glad you are taking action. The kid at our school has parents that do nothing. They are oblivious. He is on our soccer team and he is constantly fouling, bullying the other players and not listening to the coach who has had to pull him out of the game.

I feel for you, OP. But-- do not let it go on and on and on.

Just changing schools and NOT actually addressing the problem will do nothing. He will just start up in the new school.

[Anonymous]

OP, please, take care of this. We have a boy in our class like that (3rd grade as well). My dd came home crying several times because of his rude behavior. Was he always like this? How do you re-enforce positive behavior at home and good manners? It is never too late to teach the child.