How to help unathletic son

[Anonymous]

He's 5 and is considerably less coordinated and athletic than other kids in his K class. He doesn't enjoy playing soccer or t ball (most of his friends seem to). He does swim lessons and tae kwon do for exercise, both of which he likes ok, but this doesn't seem to be helping him to be able to play team sports with his friends. It definitely isn't important to me that he be some superstar athlete, but I'd like to help him become average instead of noticeably bad. Any ideas or suggestions? Dad is not in the picture. so need to figure something out that I can do.

[Anonymous]

Does he "want" to play on teams with his friends? My son is similar. Not a superstar at all, and very slow to learn sports. But he's gotten better each year and is average now at 8. But he is very clear on what sports or activities he likes or dislikes. He hates competition, so while he's pretty good at swimming, he's on a fun winter swim team that doesn't compete.

I loved team sports as a kid and well into adulthood. But it's not for everyone. Instead, I'm just exposing my son to different activities. I include ones that could be lifetime activities to help him stay active and fit. He likes running, for example, so we do fun runs. And while he has continued with baseball, I wouldn't be surprised if he drops that soon. I just signed him up for fencing and he loves that.

You may try more individual sports later like tennis. But even if he doesn't like that, it's not the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Just keep playing with him, encouraging him to participate in activities he likes, and give him time. It might get better, or it might not.

Dd was like that when she was little. She's in 7th grade and joined the volleyball team. The first month was horrific. Then one day it just clicked and she became one of the team's better players. They had too many girls so they split into two teams and she even made the a team. We didn't really do anything special, just encourage and let her grow.

[Anonymous]

Tumbling, rock climbing?

[Anonymous]

OP, I hate to say this but the "Dad is not in the picture" statement is concerning. This could grow into a problem with his self-identity without some male influence and assistance. It's not a big deal at all that he doesn't like team sports per se, but believe me, we live in a world that places a high value on the independence, confidence and competence that comes from doing some sort of physical activity and doing it well. You will find as he gets older that the dads tend to guide this. I suggest you find a male mentor that he can spend some time with, doing some of these physical things that others have mentioned. Rock climbing, hiking, going to ball games and learning the basic rules so that you can talk the fan talk -- he needs to learn some of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate to say this but the "Dad is not in the picture" statement is concerning. This could grow into a problem with his self-identity without some male influence and assistance. It's not a big deal at all that he doesn't like team sports per se, but believe me, we live in a world that places a high value on the independence, confidence and competence that comes from doing some sort of physical activity and doing it well. You will find as he gets older that the dads tend to guide this. I suggest you find a male mentor that he can spend some time with, doing some of these physical things that others have mentioned. Rock climbing, hiking, going to ball games and learning the basic rules so that you can talk the fan talk -- he needs to learn some of this.

Nonsense! That is such outdated thinking. What of the two mom families that are raising happy, healthy sons?!

Let you son join any sport he wants and emphasis the team aspect of it and not the skill. My DD loves to dance and (god love her) she is the WORST dancer in her class. She just says that she knows she isn't great at this but she loves it and certainly won'y get any better by NOT doing it. Her attitude makes me happier than if she was the next prima ballerina!!! It is great to love something, try your best and still enjoy your progress - even if you stink.

My little brother, who was a very gifted athlete always talked fondly about the boys who really tried hard even when he was very young (like six and seven). He never made fun of anyone who tried hard.

[Anonymous]

It's ok he does not do team sports. He is in two activities. Plenty.

[Anonymous]

I suggest you find a male mentor that he can spend some time with, doing some of these physical things that others have mentioned. Rock climbing, hiking, going to ball games and learning the basic rules so that you can talk the fan talk -- he needs to learn some of this

OP here. He spends time with my dad, who is a male mentor to him and watches soccer and baseball with him on TV. But my dad is 70 years old and disabled, so he can't actually play any sports with DS.

[Anonymous]

Emphasis TEAM and teamwork. Watch all the great sports movies together - talk about being a part of a team. As PP suggested, talk to your son about the importance of trying your hardest and not worrying about the outcome.

Then find a very supportive T-ball team for the spring. Stay away from the teams with jerk parents and find one that is about learning and teamwork.

My cousin sucked at sports but he loved them. He was a bench warmer on every team he ever played on but he was always respected by his teammates. He was always there supporting his team. He is now has a great job with the Chicago Bears organization!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate to say this but the "Dad is not in the picture" statement is concerning. This could grow into a problem with his self-identity without some male influence and assistance. It's not a big deal at all that he doesn't like team sports per se, but believe me, we live in a world that places a high value on the independence, confidence and competence that comes from doing some sort of physical activity and doing it well. You will find as he gets older that the dads tend to guide this. I suggest you find a male mentor that he can spend some time with, doing some of these physical things that others have mentioned. Rock climbing, hiking, going to ball games and learning the basic rules so that you can talk the fan talk -- he needs to learn some of this.

Nonsense! That is such outdated thinking. What of the two mom families that are raising happy, healthy sons?!

Let you son join any sport he wants and emphasis the team aspect of it and not the skill. My DD loves to dance and (god love her) she is the WORST dancer in her class. She just says that she knows she isn't great at this but she loves it and certainly won'y get any better by NOT doing it. Her attitude makes me happier than if she was the next prima ballerina!!! It is great to love something, try your best and still enjoy your progress - even if you stink.

My little brother, who was a very gifted athlete always talked fondly about the boys who really tried hard even when he was very young (like six and seven). He never made fun of anyone who tried hard.

Not outdated at all. How do you know that young sons of lesbians are always "happy" about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate to say this but the "Dad is not in the picture" statement is concerning. This could grow into a problem with his self-identity without some male influence and assistance. It's not a big deal at all that he doesn't like team sports per se, but believe me, we live in a world that places a high value on the independence, confidence and competence that comes from doing some sort of physical activity and doing it well. You will find as he gets older that the dads tend to guide this. I suggest you find a male mentor that he can spend some time with, doing some of these physical things that others have mentioned. Rock climbing, hiking, going to ball games and learning the basic rules so that you can talk the fan talk -- he needs to learn some of this.

Nonsense! That is such outdated thinking. What of the two mom families that are raising happy, healthy sons?!

Let you son join any sport he wants and emphasis the team aspect of it and not the skill. My DD loves to dance and (god love her) she is the WORST dancer in her class. She just says that she knows she isn't great at this but she loves it and certainly won'y get any better by NOT doing it. Her attitude makes me happier than if she was the next prima ballerina!!! It is great to love something, try your best and still enjoy your progress - even if you stink.

My little brother, who was a very gifted athlete always talked fondly about the boys who really tried hard even when he was very young (like six and seven). He never made fun of anyone who tried hard.

Not outdated at all. How do you know that young sons of lesbians are always "happy" about that?

Because my sister and her wife have raised two very happy, healthy boys - now in high school and college and both athletes. You are stale, PP, and old. Times have changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate to say this but the "Dad is not in the picture" statement is concerning. This could grow into a problem with his self-identity without some male influence and assistance. It's not a big deal at all that he doesn't like team sports per se, but believe me, we live in a world that places a high value on the independence, confidence and competence that comes from doing some sort of physical activity and doing it well. You will find as he gets older that the dads tend to guide this. I suggest you find a male mentor that he can spend some time with, doing some of these physical things that others have mentioned. Rock climbing, hiking, going to ball games and learning the basic rules so that you can talk the fan talk -- he needs to learn some of this.

Nonsense! That is such outdated thinking. What of the two mom families that are raising happy, healthy sons?!

Let you son join any sport he wants and emphasis the team aspect of it and not the skill. My DD loves to dance and (god love her) she is the WORST dancer in her class. She just says that she knows she isn't great at this but she loves it and certainly won'y get any better by NOT doing it. Her attitude makes me happier than if she was the next prima ballerina!!! It is great to love something, try your best and still enjoy your progress - even if you stink.

My little brother, who was a very gifted athlete always talked fondly about the boys who really tried hard even when he was very young (like six and seven). He never made fun of anyone who tried hard.

Not outdated at all. How do you know that young sons of lesbians are always "happy" about that?

How do you know your children are happy about you being their parent? I certainly wouldn't be.

[Anonymous]

If he enjoys soccer and t-ball, but just isn't good at them, put him a clinic so he can get more practice. If he doesn't enjoy team sports, I wouldn't sign him up for them. I think Tae Kwon Do and swim lessons sounds great. Swim team might be an option that you look into if he really likes swimming.

[Anonymous]

My 8-year old is also 'unathletic' in the sense that he isn't great at soccer, baseball, or basketball. He also doesn't enjoy traditional team sports. I have tried to expose him to many different activities and go with what he likes. Turns out he loves climbing, hiking, ziplining and adventure-type outdoor activities. So we do a lot of that. He also takes an agility class that he loves. And he is far more coordinated and athletic than I used to give him credit for. He still can't shoot a basketball to save his life, but he can find a path up a bouldering wall like nobody's business.

[Anonymous]

I was a very uncoordinated little boy and my mother got me into running with her. I started cross country in middle school and went on to track in high school. I ran marathons all through college and grad school. Running is a great! No one can say I'm not an athlete even though I still suck at throwing a ball.