Inlaws who are anti-vax

[Anonymous]

How do you handle this? My family is coming to see the baby immediately (I'm overdue by 2 days) and also going to come care for baby in Spring, so they got flu and Tdap shots. With inlaws, we haven't made plans to invite them or to visit (they're about a 10-12 hour drive or 2 hour flight away) and it's partly out of nerves over this issue. That said, if they visited it would just be for a few days, and if we went there, we'd probably not even stay with them. Thoughts? NBD or is the concern legitimate?

[Anonymous]

Your husband gets to weigh in here, but frankly my vote would be if they aren't willing to vax for whooping cough they don't be around the kid closely until kid is old enough to have had its own shots.

[Anonymous]

You're about to deliver a baby in January. Your concern is VERY legitimate. From the CDC website:

"When did flu activity begin and when will it peak?

The timing of flu is very unpredictable and can vary in different parts of the country and from season to season. Flu activity most commonly peaks in the U.S. between December and February. However, seasonal flu activity can begin as early as October and continue to occur as late as May.

This season, activity began increasing in early December, and as of the end of December it continues to increase in the United States."

[Anonymous]

If my in-laws refused to get the pertussis booster I would not allow them near the baby until baby was vaccinated. Flu is a tougher call. I didn't let anyone near the baby who didn't have a flu shot and it turned out that this seasons flu vaccine wasn't even the flu everyone has been getting.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks all for your feedback. It seems like this is a legit concern. I'll talk with pediatrician when baby FINALLY makes an appearance...I also just looked up the CDC schedule for pertussis vaccine and it seems to be a series of shots at 2, 4, and 6 months with subsequent boosters. Would you then wait until post-6 month shot to see them? I will definitely also discuss with DH.

[Anonymous]

Eh I wouldn't worry about it too much.

[Anonymous]

Talk to the ped but I think after the 2-month shot (plus a week to establish immunity) I'd visit the in-laws. By that time, it will be April and flu season will be winding down.

[Anonymous]

I would ask them to get the shot. But you never know what they will actually do. My mom kept telling me she didn't need TDAP because she had whooping cough as a child (she also told me it was no big deal because she was fine when she had it, ugh), but apparently that immunity doesn't last forever. She said she would get the shot and I believed her. She came to visit for a week and told me months later that she never actually got the shot and just lied to me about getting it so I would feel better.

Maybe it's just my family that is this bonkers. I hope so!

[Anonymous]

Your baby, your terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask them to get the shot. But you never know what they will actually do. My mom kept telling me she didn't need TDAP because she had whooping cough as a child (she also told me it was no big deal because she was fine when she had it, ugh), but apparently that immunity doesn't last forever. She said she would get the shot and I believed her. She came to visit for a week and told me months later that she never actually got the shot and just lied to me about getting it so I would feel better.

Maybe it's just my family that is this bonkers. I hope so!

I'm a nanny and I have heard other nannies talk about how they lied about getting the booster and flu shot. In my case they were all foreign-born nannies and feared getting sick due to the vaccines themselves.

[Anonymous]

I did not care and trusted people we were close to. You should not be grilling everyone about their medical information. Just tell them the truth, you do not want them to be involved with your child and at best you will send them a yearly picture.

[Anonymous]

They are not against vaccines. I am sure they did not tell you not to vaccinate your child. You are looking for unnecessary drama.

[Anonymous]

I am in a sort of similar situation but it is my parents and due to cancer so no refusal. My dad is stage 4 lung cancer and cannot get tdap. My mom can't get tdap if she is around him. Obviously she is his caregiver so she cannot get the shot. It is making me sick with worry. I am due in March, my father is terminal, I have no idea what I am going to do. They won't be here for the birth because dad just started another round of 5 weeks radiation. I have not even told my husband this yet. It is overwhelming me. If it was just my dad I would be okay but both... that seems too risky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a sort of similar situation but it is my parents and due to cancer so no refusal. My dad is stage 4 lung cancer and cannot get tdap. My mom can't get tdap if she is around him. Obviously she is his caregiver so she cannot get the shot. It is making me sick with worry. I am due in March, my father is terminal, I have no idea what I am going to do. They won't be here for the birth because dad just started another round of 5 weeks radiation. I have not even told my husband this yet. It is overwhelming me. If it was just my dad I would be okay but both... that seems too risky.

Personally, I wouldn't hesitate to for my mom and dad to see the baby in your situation. Its only been in the last 5 years (roughly) that adults getting tdap has been encouraged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a sort of similar situation but it is my parents and due to cancer so no refusal. My dad is stage 4 lung cancer and cannot get tdap. My mom can't get tdap if she is around him. Obviously she is his caregiver so she cannot get the shot. It is making me sick with worry. I am due in March, my father is terminal, I have no idea what I am going to do. They won't be here for the birth because dad just started another round of 5 weeks radiation. I have not even told my husband this yet. It is overwhelming me. If it was just my dad I would be okay but both... that seems too risky.

Personally, I wouldn't hesitate to for my mom and dad to see the baby in your situation. Its only been in the last 5 years (roughly) that adults getting tdap has been encouraged.

I think in this situation your risk is very low. Your parents probably don't get out much, so the chances that they would get pertussis themselves are very low. And the risk of passing it on is even lower. Your baby will have some immunity through the shot you got while pregnant, and March is after the peak pertussis season. I would not hesitate to have them see the baby often. Sometimes the risk is worth it.

I'm really sorry about your dad. It must be really tough.