Step parents and step kids - boundaries

[Anonymous]

I am not a troll. My parents were not divorced. I don't remember ever being able to hear my parents having sex. I am in a relationship with a single dad. His son is 7. When I have sex with my boyfriend, he is very loud. He wants me to start staying over. He has his son for a full week, every other week.

How young is too young for kids to hear their unmarried parents having sex, and especially with a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

I'm an adult and don't want to hear my parents having sex. I can't imagine there is an age for it to be "OK" for someone to hear his dad and girlfriend having sex. Can't you guys work around his visits? Tell your BF to quiet the eff down. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an adult and don't want to hear my parents having sex. I can't imagine there is an age for it to be "OK" for someone to hear his dad and girlfriend having sex. Can't you guys work around his visits? Tell your BF to quiet the eff down. Gross.

I am the OP, and I agree completely. His son has met me many times before, and he and I have a great relationship. I am not sexual or display PDA with my boyfriend around his son. I just don't want his son to think of me in that way.

I spent the night over a friend's house once, and I could hear her father and step mother, who she hated, having really loud sex. It was very awkward in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Until you are married no sleeping over. You can stay over and have sex when the child is with mom.

[Anonymous]

That is nasty. I remember being in my teens and spending the night at a friend's house, and their parents had loud sex. My friend got so pissed that she banged on their door and told them to shut up.

[Anonymous]

I'm a stepparent. There are four of my kids and two of his. None of the six have ever heard any of the six adults involved in parenting them having sex. No kid wants to hear that, EVER.

[Anonymous]

OP, there's something wrong with your boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

OP - You are not a stepparent. You are some chick the kid's father is fucking. Don't do it when the kid is around.

[Anonymous]

What man is loud in bed? Does he scream like a bitch in bed or something?

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I am a step kid and I still remember being traumatized by this 20 years later. We would literally run outside so we didnt have to hear. Please be discreet!

[Anonymous]

Do not have sleepovers with a child this young unless you are married.

Do not ever have sex that children can hear. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

1) I don't think you should be sleeping over, regardless of sex volume, until it is clear that this is a permanent relationship. As long as you're still the girlfriend, there needs to be distance from his kid. Not fair getting him attached to a revolving door of women.

2) If you do start sleeping over, sex needs to be quiet. It will make the kid incredibly uncomfortable to hear his dad having loud sex while he's there, which is incredibly inappropriate. If you don't trust your boyfriend to understand and respect this, not only should you not sleep over, but I question whether he's mature enough for a relationship generally.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the responses. My boyfriend and I are both in our early 40s, so we both should be mature to know better. However, my boyfriend divorced the mother of his son when his son was 2, about 5 years ago.

Supposedly, there wasn't much affection between them as a couple. I think my boyfriend wants his son to have a "normal" and "healthy" view of how a man an woman interact romantically. I have explained to my boyfriend that I saw my parents kiss each other hello, goodbye, a hug here and there, sometimes hand holding, arm around the shoulder, hand behind the small of your back, but I never heard them having sex. I don't think I even knew they had sex.

My boyfriend and I were both raised devout Catholics by first generation immigrant parents, from Europe. We had somewhat strict upbringings, and that is why my boyfriend is trying his best to be more modern, contemporary, and healthy around his son.

[Anonymous]

I agree with others that you shouldnt be sleeping over at all if the kid is in the house. However, if you do, have you discussed being discreet (quiet) during sex while his kid is there? If so, what did he say?

FWIW I think not caring about volume/loudness when having sex is inconsiderate of any others who in the house. Kids, roommates, parents, whoever. Sex should be between the two of you. Not all the occupants.

[Anonymous]

So by "modern," your boyfriend thinks that his son hearing his dad have loud sex will contribute to a healthy view of sex?