Step parents and step kids - boundaries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Until you are married no sleeping over. You can stay over and have sex when the child is with mom.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - You are not a stepparent. You are some chick the kid's father is fucking. Don't do it when the kid is around.

She's not a step parent indeed, but need you be that nasty? What do you get out of it? Way to devalue their relationship. You're ill-bred.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for the responses. My boyfriend and I are both in our early 40s, so we both should be mature to know better. However, my boyfriend divorced the mother of his son when his son was 2, about 5 years ago.

Supposedly, there wasn't much affection between them as a couple. I think my boyfriend wants his son to have a "normal" and "healthy" view of how a man an woman interact romantically. I have explained to my boyfriend that I saw my parents kiss each other hello, goodbye, a hug here and there, sometimes hand holding, arm around the shoulder, hand behind the small of your back, but I never heard them having sex. I don't think I even knew they had sex.

My boyfriend and I were both raised devout Catholics by first generation immigrant parents, from Europe. We had somewhat strict upbringings, and that is why my boyfriend is trying his best to be more modern, contemporary, and healthy around his son.

He's certainly not giving him a "normal" or "healthy" understanding. Not at 7. Seesh. He doesn't sound very mature on that front, sorry to say.

[Anonymous]

Being forced to listen to your father having sex with his girlfriend is not part of creating healthy attitudes toward sex. Would he also be okay with his son sitting in the room and watching? If not, what's the difference? To deliberately make your child overhear loud sex feels closer to abuse than healthy to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's something wrong with your boyfriend.

I have to agree with this. Any mature, rational adult would understand how inappropriate this is. This to me would be a huge red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being forced to listen to your father having sex with his girlfriend is not part of creating healthy attitudes toward sex. Would he also be okay with his son sitting in the room and watching? If not, what's the difference? To deliberately make your child overhear loud sex feels closer to abuse than healthy to me.

Dh here. Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's something wrong with your boyfriend.

I have to agree with this. Any mature, rational adult would understand how inappropriate this is. This to me would be a huge red flag.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's something wrong with your boyfriend.

I have to agree with this. Any mature, rational adult would understand how inappropriate this is. This to me would be a huge red flag.

Agree.

This. A thousand times this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's something wrong with your boyfriend.

I have to agree with this. Any mature, rational adult would understand how inappropriate this is. This to me would be a huge red flag.

Agree.

This. A thousand times this.

OP here, my boyfriend was born and raised in Europe, and he is now an American citizen. I understand what you are saying about sex, loudness, etc. around kids, especially if we aren't married yet. I don't think my boyfriend is immature, or that anything is wrong with him. I think he is just trying his best to be a good father to his son, and he is also trying to be a good boyfriend to me, and he is a man and he wants sex more often than we currently are able to have it, just during the every other week he doesn't have his son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's something wrong with your boyfriend.

I have to agree with this. Any mature, rational adult would understand how inappropriate this is. This to me would be a huge red flag.

Agree.

This. A thousand times this.

OP here, my boyfriend was born and raised in Europe, and he is now an American citizen. I understand what you are saying about sex, loudness, etc. around kids, especially if we aren't married yet. I don't think my boyfriend is immature, or that anything is wrong with him. I think he is just trying his best to be a good father to his son, and he is also trying to be a good boyfriend to me, and he is a man and he wants sex more often than we currently are able to have it, just during the every other week he doesn't have his son.

We all want things we can't have. Recognizing this and dealing with it is a sign of maturity. Being European has nothing to do with knowing what are appropriate boundaries when it comes to children. Nor does it have anything to do with his sex drive.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to pleasure himself but he has limited time with his child and needs to focus on that relationship. You both sound immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So by "modern," your boyfriend thinks that his son hearing his dad have loud sex will contribute to a healthy view of sex?

Yeah, I'm not clear on this...is your BF saying that PDA and sleepovers should be okay, or is he actually saying that he thinks it's fine for his kid to hear you guys having sex? You're making it sound like he's refusing to stay quiet during sex when his kid is over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's something wrong with your boyfriend.

I have to agree with this. Any mature, rational adult would understand how inappropriate this is. This to me would be a huge red flag.

Agree.

This. A thousand times this.

OP here, my boyfriend was born and raised in Europe, and he is now an American citizen. I understand what you are saying about sex, loudness, etc. around kids, especially if we aren't married yet. I don't think my boyfriend is immature, or that anything is wrong with him. I think he is just trying his best to be a good father to his son, and he is also trying to be a good boyfriend to me, and he is a man and he wants sex more often than we currently are able to have it, just during the every other week he doesn't have his son.

806 here, and your Argument is falling on deaf ears. My DH is European, did not come here until he was MUCH older, and knows that having sex that young children can hear is completely inappropriate. His parents don't speak English, even!!

Red flag, as PP noted. Europeans may have less hang ups about sex than NorthAmericans, but discretion is still understood. How do you hunk they can have so much kink?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - You are not a stepparent. You are some chick the kid's father is fucking.

+1. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Curious: How old are you, OP?