Chivalry, the metro & the heavily pregnant

[Anonymous]

Is pregnancy considered a temporary disability? I'm heavily pregnant and ride the metro to work everyday. There is no confusing my belly with anything other than watermelon smuggling. Everyday, I position myself to enter the center train door because it is the one with dedicated seats for the elderly and disabled. Most days, I saunter (j/k - waddle) up to the seat and kindly ask whoever is sitting there if they wouldn't mind giving up there seat because I need to sit down. I thank them profusely. About once a week, I have problems with this approach. Today is one of those days. My "excuse me, would you mind giving up your seat... " got not even a nod or a look in the eye from either person sitting there. I followed it with "I am really very pregnant and need to sit down." Neither WOMAN even looked up (no ipods in, both reading, no crutches present). Thankfully, a person watching offered her seat and then a man insisted she sit in his. Sometimes I also feel lucky because someone hops up immediately and insists I take their seat without my having to ask.

This isn't meant to be a rant. I'm not an angry person (normally). Does anyone have any suggestions? Tips?

[Anonymous]

I've been there. It constantly astonished me how rude people were. But I think you just have to keep doing what you're doing. In my experience, someone will eventually give you their seat, even if it's not the person you asked. Unfortunately, you have to be assertive some days, which sucks. But to answer your question, pregnancy is not a disability, temporary or not. Actually, the nature of a disability is a relatively permanent condition (legally, anyways). Good luck to you and hang in there!

[Anonymous]

I remember being absolutely amazed by the people who would not give me a seat on the metro. I was pleasantly surprised, though, when I realized that young teenage boys were really the ones who would hop up to offer a seat as soon as I got into the train. Don't give up -- you're completely in the right for asking for the seat, even though you shouldn't even have to ask.

[Anonymous]

I don't have any advice, just words of encouragement. I agree with the PP, sometimes you have to be assertive. If you say it loudly enough, and repeat a few times, then there's bound to be someone who is shamed into giving up their seat.

I commuted by metro until the day I went into labor at 40+ weeks. Luckily for me, I went against traffic, so most days there was a seat. However, there were a few times when the train was full and no one bothered to offer me a seat (and like you, by then I was unmistakably pregnant). People really have no manners at all, or any sense of compassion.

Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

I metroed with my husband most days up until my due date. The 1st time I was offered a seat was 2 days before my due date and I was obviously pregnant the last 2 months of my preganancy.

My husband was furious when we got onto the Red Line and if there were no sets available that no one would offer me a seat. I told him that when I need it, I will be sure to open my mouth and get a seat but usually something would open within 4 stops. My husband would get most angry at men in military attire since he is an Annapolis grad.

My recommendation - keep asking.

[Anonymous]

Oh, I feel for you. While not a disability, being that pregnant really is uncomfortable and, imo, potentially dangerous b/c your center of gravity is thrown off by the extra weight. Anyone who can't empathize with how a pregnant woman might feel and give up their seat is just rude. "

When I was pregnant, I was offered a seat maybe 50% of the time.

[Anonymous]

This doesn't have to do with the metro, but I was amazed at Church! It was April 2006 and I was due in May. When I arrived at Easter mass it was standing room only...so I was stuck standing but thought for sure someone would offer me their seat. Not one person did! I had to stand for 45 minutes - I immediately left after communion was served but it shocked me!

[zumbamama]

i see it happen all the time. I always stand because there are always people who need the seat more than me. My dad just had a stroke last year and is now moving around with a walker. Same thing happened to him on the metro...no one gave up their seat for an old man hobbling around. It really is a shame how self-absorbed and inconsiderate people can be.

[Anonymous]

Metro is horrible. I have practically pushed my belly into people's faces and still get no results. I think people are more oblivious than rude to be honest. But I can be wrong on that. All I know is I hear your frustration as I'm with you. One day I actually sat in the middle aisle and then someone offered me their seat.

[Anonymous]

I definitely agree with the fact that people are more oblivious than rude. Everyone is just so wrapped up in their own lives, they're not paying attention to anyone else. I wouldn't take it personally, but I would definitely keep asking for people to give up their seats, because you deserve a little extra accommodation right now. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I notice the same thing with not only other women, but men not holding open doors. Both when I was preggers and pushing around a stroller with an infant carrier in it.

What happened to the old school ways of chivalry?

[Anonymous]

I don't ride the metro very often, but when I have, someone has always offered me a seat. I just made sure to unbutton my coat so people could clearly see I was pregnant. As other posters have said - just keep doing what you are doing. Some people are just rude, but there is usually at least 1 person on a train that will give up their seat.

[Anonymous]

I was only offered seats on the metro by tourists. Usually people pretended not to see me at all. The worst was when I, 6 months pregnant, gave up my seat for a woman who was further along!!

[Anonymous]

When I was pregnant and taking the metro to work, I asked someone to give up a seat and was told that I shouldn't get pregnant if I couldn't handle standing on the metro. True story.

The next day I started driving to work for the remainder of my pregnancy!

[Anonymous]

UGH!!! People in this city are so rude!!! same here, when I was pregnant I had to take the metro everyday, and it was very seldom that someone will stand to give me their sit. People just pretend not to see you, so they don't have to give up their sits.