Chivalry, the metro & the heavily pregnant

[Anonymous]

Let me begin by saying that I was raised in Boston and then spent 10 years in NYC. Maybe it's that background (chilly Bostonians and busy New Yorkers) but I fing people very polite in DC. I take the bus and almost always someone jumps up and offers me a seat - it makes me feel embarassed sometimes b/c I don't always need it. I also had my first child in the winter and there were many times when going out for walks w/ the stroller where I would hit icy patches of sidewalk and almost always someone would come by and help me carry the stroller over it. Of course not everyone is so polite, but I am surprised by the numbers that are. Wondering if the other posters from this thread are from the south or midwest? Maybe people are more chivalerous there...?

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to throw in my support--good for your for saying something! When I was PG w/#1 I sometimes rode metro and I wasn't comfortable asking people to give up their seats, but was fortunate that most times someone would offer (usually a woman) or the train was empty enough that I would get a seat.

Now with #2, and much more uncomfortable at 34 weeks, I won't even take the metro.

I know some people get truly absorbed in what they are reading/doing on the train, but honestly I think most use it as an excuse not to look up and see someone in need.

[Anonymous]

This is my 2nd pregnancy. I commute on the Orange line from W. Falls Church to Metro Center and have *generally* found that someone offers up his/her seat since I'm now very visibly pregnant and can barely button the winter coat I've been wearing. There are kind and decent people in this world, and some even ride the Metro; these dear souls make up for the many selfish, ill-mannered, and self-absorbed people we unfortunately encounter on a daily basis. I'm constantly amused by the people who elbow their way to the edge of the platform to be the first person on the Metro train; I've seen it all including people who muscle ahead to get in front of elderly riders and moms with small children, just to get a darn seat! I hope we as moms/dads can be stellar examples for our children -- teach them basic principles of civility and simple courtesies, and actually live what we teach.

[Anonymous]

Hear, hear, PP! Well said.

[Anonymous]

I was about 36 weeks pregnant and asked a woman if she would mind letting me sit down. Her response? "You're not pregnant!" Thankfully half the carriage jumped up at this point to offer me a seat.

[Anonymous]

It's not just D.C. A good friend of mine in Boston said one day she took the train home from work and the only people standing in the train were a blind man and her-7-months-pregnant self. No one offered either one of them a seat.

[Anonymous]

I think I have the two best metro stories ever to highlight how rude most folks are. When I was 7 months pregnant and seated by the window during morning rush hour, an elderly woman gasping and dragging an oxygen tank got on the train by the disabled seating. The young women occupying those seats pretended not to notice her. I got up -- with my big belly and all -- asked the young guy sitting next to me to move and loudly offered her my seat. Apparently that shamed the jerk sitting next to me to "let me keep my seat" and he gave his seat to her. Next story: When I was 8 months pregnant in August I literally passed out on the metro. Fortunately, I was seated. I fell on the person sitting next to me -- a woman who shrugged me off. I came to and caught myself just before hitting the floor. It was morning rush hour, and the train was packed. No one offered to help me get to my feet. In fact, I had to shove my way off the train at Union Station when I came to b/c folks wouldn't move out of the way. Needless to say, that was the last day I commuted by metro.

Regarding pregnancy and the disabled seating: I don't think those seats are meant for pregnant ladies. I only sat in those seats if the train was empty, and I paid close attention to folks boarding the train so that I could move if necessary. I never asked anyone to give me a seat, but oftentimes people would. I was big and pregnant during the summer when lots of tourists ride metro and I noticed that tourists were way more friendly and apt to offer their seats than the typical commuters.

[Anonymous]

When I was hugely preg. with DC #1 I metroed at the veyr end of my pregnancy and someone always gave up their seat for me (I stopped driving in thereby forfeiting my $230 a month parking spot) and a friend who lived close by drove me in with her, but I left at a decent hour from work so I metroed close to home where hubby picked me up. Perhaps it is where you ride to that makes a difference, plus, perhaps by the end of hte day everyone was tired of sitting at their desks all day so they gave up their seat. who knows, but anytime I see someone pregnant I try to help as it was not so long ago that I was in that pregnant lady's position.

[Anonymous]

I've done that too! Offered my seat to someone who was more pregnant than me. On more than one occasion, I said, "Take my seat, my ankles aren't too bad today." That usually got some able-bodied folks moving, but not always.

I always love to see that youngish guy who looks intently at each and every person climbing on the bus, so he can be the first one to jump up and offer his seat to an older person. There's one on most every bus, but unfortunately, he only has one seat to give.

[Anonymous]

I was 9 months along late August, commuting by Metro to work a fair distance everyday until delivery...

K street types, men and women, pretended they didn't see me hanging on in all my huge, light headed glory.

Mainly African American men offered me seats....I had a whole summer of being huge and uncomfortable and annoyed to notice who SAW me.

[Anonymous]

A bit off topic, but struck me as interesting... on the Metro being pregnant doesn't count as a disability (thus making you fight for a place to sit down, right)... yet at work, my "maternity leave" is covereg by Short Term Disability - the only way I can get 60% of my pay, for putting up with all this, and not to mention bringing another person into the world.
just a little bitter thought this evening.

[Anonymous]

I know there are many similar replies already, but just wanted to say that I am experiencing the same thing every day on the metro. I ride from West falls Church on the orange line, as some other women who commented earlier, and I never know If i get a sit or not. Good for you for asking, I think you have to. I skip trains if they are very full to wait for the emptier one where I can sit down.
I'm from Russia, and it amuses me here in general that men rush to the door as soon as its open and women (pregnant or not) have to stand, as well as elderly people & people with disabilities. In Russia it is unheard of for men to sit & women & senior citizens to stand. Last week I was sitting down and a pregnant women walked in with a belly bigger than mine and she clearly wanted to sit down. Of course noone offered her a sit, so I got up!
I am thinking of writing to the Express newspaper so that they can put an article about this, and maybe people will start thinking differently.

[Anonymous]

I, too, have been amazed at how few people offer seats and especially that it is disproportionately men and not women who offer when an offer is made. I feel uncomfortable asking for a seat, but have finally resorted to it with the coming of my 9th month.

PP - I love the idea of pitching the Express (or the real Washington Post) on a story about this. What a way to reach the "target" audience (i.e., the people who are buried in the paper on the train)!

[Anonymous]

Before I got pregnant, I always made a point to offer my seat to pregnant women. And then I would usually focus on a nearby 30 or 40-something man and glare at him for the rest of the trip. Trust me, they got the message.

[Anonymous]

I must say that I think of pregnancy as a temporary disability. I always try to sit in the disability seats - I'm very pregnant. It is also treated as a disability at my work. We should all speak up for seats come Monday morning!