Chivalry, the metro & the heavily pregnant

[Anonymous]

When I was pregnant with DD, I rode metro some for work and pleasure. During work hours, I usually was offered a seat or guilted someone into giving me a seat by rubbing my big belly right in front of them. I seemed to have a harder time during the weekends getting a seat, so one time I just sat down on the floor and leaned against my husbands legs for support. Someone did offer me a seat after that.

[Anonymous]

I rode the S-2 bus and had much better luck than many of you. By month 6, I was intermittently being offered a seat. By months 7-8, women would offer me seats. By month 9, men and women would offer me a seat. However, during that time, I noticed that many very elderly/frail and handicapped citizens were not automatically offered seats. The bus driver would usually yell.

[Anonymous]

I've heard it said that pregnant women think the world revolves around them and I think it's sometimes true. Having just had my second child, I would rather have assistance offered now than when I was pregnant...because now things really are difficult. For example, I never used the "expectant mother" parking spot because I felt I could get around fine. However, I could really use some reserved spots for mothers with children in tow. Something I keep in mind is that there are a lot of uncomfortable people out there (on the metro, too) with chronic back and foot pain, etc. It's just not obvious, like pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Tnere was an article on this in the Post about 2 years ago, and a surprising number of people were adamant that pregnant women are not disabled and therefore no one is obligated to give up a seat for them. There were a lot of people with a lot of anger towards pregnant women who asked for seats. It shocked me. Since people are sharing their metro stories, here are two of mine:

When I was about 7 mos pregnant, a woman offered me her seat during evening rush hour when it was extremely crowded. I took the seat and put my purse on my lap. Another woman who was standing actually came over to me and told me she had been standing longer and I somehow pushed her out of the way to get the seat. I told her that I was offered the seat, which led the lady to ask why I thought I was so special. For some reason, I continued to talk to the woman and told her I was pregnant. She looked me up and down, and told me she didn't think I was pregnant and that I was pretending to be pregnant to get the seat. She continued to tell me how I was faking my pregnancy until she got off a few stops later.

Another time, a woman offered me a seat, and as she got up another lady slid in behind her and took the seat. The woman who had offered me the seat began to yell at the other woman, saying she had offered her seat to a pregnant woman. The woman who had sat down began yelling back that she hadn't seen me and that she didn't deserve to be yelled at. No joke, these ladies yelled at each other for several minutes. In the meantime, a man in another row offered me his seat, so I kind of slid off and sat there.

Being pregnant on the metro can definitely be an adventure, but I found there is usually at least one person who is sympathetic and offers a seat.

[Anonymous]

This topic hasn't been discussed in a few days but it was on my mind. Pregnancy is regarded as a temporary disability in this country under employment law. It is also unsafe for pregnant women to stand on moving trains due to the risk of falling. I know a woman who lost her baby due to a fall in her 30th week. She didn't fall on the metro. She tripped because of high heels... different issue altogether.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've heard it said that pregnant women think the world revolves around them and I think it's sometimes true. Having just had my second child, I would rather have assistance offered now than when I was pregnant...because now things really are difficult. For example, I never used the "expectant mother" parking spot because I felt I could get around fine. However, I could really use some reserved spots for mothers with children in tow. Something I keep in mind is that there are a lot of uncomfortable people out there (on the metro, too) with chronic back and foot pain, etc. It's just not obvious, like pregnancy.

PP, you do realize that not everyone has as easy a pregnancy as you did, right?

[Anonymous]

Ugh, people are rude. One of the worst I saw was a blind person trying to get a seat and NOBODY bloody got up in the disabled seats or anywhere accessible. UNBELIEVABLE.

I grew up in Europe and we were taught even in school to get up for old people and anybody who might look like they need a seat. And for some reason it works, I have never seen this behavior over there. And of course here cars don't think to stop for pedestrians either, they're not even patient enough at pedestrian crossings, it bugs the shit out of me.

[Anonymous]

While I think pregnant women should be asked if they need a seat, I think it's incredibly rude to just walk up and ask every time you get on the train. I had to ask during my early pregnancy because I felt like I had to throw up and a few times toward the end, but on a day-to-day, why do you think you deserve the seat?

[Anonymous]

To the 15:53 poster, I think being "heavily pregnant" answers that question... you had your reasons during early pregnancy and the OP has them now.

[Anonymous]

For bus riders, it's hard to hang onto the too-high railing AND balance while being jostled around every moment. The bus drivers stop and go quite suddenly. It's terrifying to think you might fall on your stomach while pregnant after the breaks have been slammed. I've fallen enough times on the bus while not pregnant - the bus drivers do not wait for everyone getting on to grab a rail before they suddenly take off. I've seen many people fall. To make matters worse, I happen to have a knee problem that makes it even harder to balance. Some uncaring people I'm sure will say, just drive, then. But I cannot afford to drive to work every day. I have to take the bus, and it seems like those who are more able to stand without problem should offer their seat. Just to be nice. What is wrong with wanting that? I've stood for others who obviously needed a seat - not just the elderly, blind or pregnant, but for those who had way too much to carry. People should be more concerned with being considerate and less concerned with putting people in the box of "not technically disabled so doesn't deserve a seat."

[Anonymous]

I rode the subway in Boston pregnant and had multiple people offer up seats within minutes every day except for one day when I rode a different line (maybe different "lines" have different cultures in this respect?) and even on that one day someone eventually did offer. So I am shocked by these stories and it makes me wonder if this is "DC-specific" (which wouldn't necessarily surprise me).

I would add, however, that I think it is not good form for a pregnant person to ask someone not sitting in the reserved seats to give up their seat. As another poster has said, you don't know if that person is a store clerk or nurse who has been on her feet for the last 12 hours.

When I was very young, I used to work retail and take the subway home and even though I was raised better, there were some days I did not offer my seat to older or frailer people because I was just in that much pain. It was far worse than being pregnant (although I realize without the danger factor to baby).

[Anonymous]

A slight variation on this same theme that always has bugged me... the metro elevators. For 3 yrs I commuted by metro with my daughter in her stroller and we would take the metro elevators. Well... often those elevators would fill with able bodied people, without bikes, luggage, etc. I have been shut out of the elevator because it was filled with them. I politely would ask people to take the escalator, so I could fit in with the stroller and they would all pretend they couldn't hear me. Amazing!

[Anonymous]

In defense of some people who take the elevator but don't appear to need it. I've got an old knee injury that acts up occasionally, especially when it rains. Whenever an escalator is out at Dupont I have to take the elevator. I don't walk with a limp, but I probably would if I had to walk all the way down the escalator. It's also very difficult for me to walk down stairs when the knee is painful. It will get so bad after walking down a lot of stairs that it will be extremely painful for weeks afterwards. I get a lot of dirty looks and always want to explain myself but I never do. I'm pretty sure most of the people who look able to walk down are, and shouldn't take the elevator. But you just never know which people are which.