Millennial women are saying no thanks to parenthood

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amen! I am a SAHM and I am tired of other working women looking condescendingly down on me like I am chump for staying home and tying my future to my husband. No, madam, you are in fact the chump because you have signed yourself up for two full time jobs! No thank you. I like a life balance and if I have to be a SAHM to get it, so be it. I’d be doing the work at home either way even though my spouse is incredibly sweet and supportive, he just cannot do what I can.

Sounds like you are a chump. Some of us found husbands who are truly equal at home. Mine earns close to a million, 3x my salary and more hours than me, and we are 50-50 at home (with plenty of help) and happy with it. Even when I offer to give him more free time, he says no he wants to spend the time with us.

You're an outlier, your husband is an outlier. Or you're making it up.

Women cannot make decisions about their life based on the chances of marrying a guy who makes "close to a million" and is 50-50 at home. This is not a possibility for 99.99999% of women and trying to dole out advice based on that scenario is no different than telling women that "someday your prince will come." It is a fair tale.

In the real world, most men make average salaries and either don't pull their weight at home or try and can't because of long hours. Most families can't afford to outsource all the unpleasant tasks so that they just have to split the most appealing aspects of parenting. Your experience is completely irrelevant to this conversation and actually detrimental to helping women come up with practical solutions to the second-shift problem.

[Anonymous]

PP SAHM here, this is what I was trying to say and you put it perfectly. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's really about the expectations for parenting. You can't have kids and keep living your pre-kids life without being branded a bad parent. As soon as you have kids, your life becomes kid-centric with playgroups, music classes, sports practices, and on and on. If you aren't interested in this shift, then you don't have kids. In prior generations, people just ignored their kids and went on with their adult lives.

And those kids ended up being far more capable, independent adults. What Parenting has become isn’t good for parents or kids.

This is so true - what parenting has become is crazy for the parents and so bad for the kids. You do NOT have to play with your kids playdate. It IS okay to let them do things without a monitor, or have thoughts or conversations that you don't know about. Our next generations are already basket cases because of bad genes and bad parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amen! I am a SAHM and I am tired of other working women looking condescendingly down on me like I am chump for staying home and tying my future to my husband. No, madam, you are in fact the chump because you have signed yourself up for two full time jobs! No thank you. I like a life balance and if I have to be a SAHM to get it, so be it. I’d be doing the work at home either way even though my spouse is incredibly sweet and supportive, he just cannot do what I can.

Sounds like you are a chump. Some of us found husbands who are truly equal at home. Mine earns close to a million, 3x my salary and more hours than me, and we are 50-50 at home (with plenty of help) and happy with it. Even when I offer to give him more free time, he says no he wants to spend the time with us.

You remind me of the white boomer book club I went to where we read “The Bluest Eye” and everyone agreed “it was just a lot of complaining…I was [fat, poor etc] as a child and got made fun of too but I fixed it through hard work.”

Do you acknowledge that your success story is not the norm? Perhaps can you try to think of ways in which you are privileged, that allowed you to be where you are today? I am also partnered with someone wonderful who wants the kind of equal partnership I do, but I daren’t be smug about it, because I recognize that there are a lot of factors that lead to this result, not all of which were under my control. We all have blind spots. Have you thought about where yours are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most liberal women under 40 have a mental illness / mental disease, according to Pew.

This fact may help explain their reluctance to have children.

The findings, from a Pew Research Center survey published in March 2020, were the subject of a recent Twitter thread that inspired an Evie Magazine article on the possible "scientific correlation" between progressive ideas and mental illness.
According to the survey, white liberals of all ages were more likely to have been diagnosed with a mental health condition compared with their moderate and conservatives peers. The disparity was especially pronounced among young people aged 18-29, the most annoying demographic and the one with the worst opinions, generally speaking.
Nearly half of young white liberals (46 percent) reported being diagnosed with a mental health condition. That was significantly higher than the percentage of young white moderates (26 percent) and young white conservatives (21 percent) who reported a mental health diagnosis. Young white people who identified as "very liberal" were considerably more likely to report mental health problems, even compared with their peers who identified as liberal.
Across all demographics, young white females who identified as liberal or very liberal were by far the most likely to report a mental health diagnosis. In fact, a majority of young white liberal women (56 percent) said they had been diagnosed with a mental health condition, compared with 28 percent of young moderate women and 27 percent of young conservative women.
The ideological disparity was also present, albeit less pronounced, among young white men. Within this demographic, 34 percent of liberals reported having mental health problems, compared with 22 percent of moderates and 16 percent of conservatives.
Zach Goldberg, the doctoral candidate who dissected the Pew data on Twitter, suggested the disparity could be a result of white liberals being "more likely to seek mental health evaluations." It could also indicate a "genuine" difference in personalities, he argued, given that white liberals are more likely to exhibit neuroticism, according to the data.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amen! I am a SAHM and I am tired of other working women looking condescendingly down on me like I am chump for staying home and tying my future to my husband. No, madam, you are in fact the chump because you have signed yourself up for two full time jobs! No thank you. I like a life balance and if I have to be a SAHM to get it, so be it. I’d be doing the work at home either way even though my spouse is incredibly sweet and supportive, he just cannot do what I can.

But it’s not like this is an ideal solution. You don’t earn a paycheck and aren’t contributing to retirement accounts in your name. You also have to watch and tend to kids all day. Your husband will increasingly rely on your for domestic tasks so you can never fully return to the workforce without truly having 2 jobs. You’ll beard the burden of household chores until you die. Also don’t discount that some of us married to men who do 50/50.

Now if you dislike working, there’s a good chance you’ll stay married for life and don’t care you aren’t earning a paycheck then being a SAHM is a good gig.

It always comes back to the sahm vs working debate. Dcum is going to dcum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting WAPO article -
"Millennials aren't having kids"
https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2023/11/03/millennials-only-children/
I love seeing the data on this. It really follows closely what I see in my personal life among my friends. What do you think are the reasons? I don't think it will turn around, millennial are rapidly approaching 40 or are already there.

Thank God because those that have children are horrible parents with whining entitled brats.

[Anonymous]

Many of the millennials I know want kids but either haven't found the right partners yet or are still waiting to marry their partners of many years. Online dating seems to have made it harder for a lot of people to find serious relationships, and that goes for both men and women. Also, children of divorce seem very hesitant to marry and put it off even if marriage and kids are what they want eventually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most liberal women under 40 have a mental illness / mental disease, according to Pew.

This fact may help explain their reluctance to have children.

The findings, from a Pew Research Center survey published in March 2020, were the subject of a recent Twitter thread that inspired an Evie Magazine article on the possible "scientific correlation" between progressive ideas and mental illness.
According to the survey, white liberals of all ages were more likely to have been diagnosed with a mental health condition compared with their moderate and conservatives peers. The disparity was especially pronounced among young people aged 18-29, the most annoying demographic and the one with the worst opinions, generally speaking.
Nearly half of young white liberals (46 percent) reported being diagnosed with a mental health condition. That was significantly higher than the percentage of young white moderates (26 percent) and young white conservatives (21 percent) who reported a mental health diagnosis. Young white people who identified as "very liberal" were considerably more likely to report mental health problems, even compared with their peers who identified as liberal.
Across all demographics, young white females who identified as liberal or very liberal were by far the most likely to report a mental health diagnosis. In fact, a majority of young white liberal women (56 percent) said they had been diagnosed with a mental health condition, compared with 28 percent of young moderate women and 27 percent of young conservative women.
The ideological disparity was also present, albeit less pronounced, among young white men. Within this demographic, 34 percent of liberals reported having mental health problems, compared with 22 percent of moderates and 16 percent of conservatives.
Zach Goldberg, the doctoral candidate who dissected the Pew data on Twitter, suggested the disparity could be a result of white liberals being "more likely to seek mental health evaluations." It could also indicate a "genuine" difference in personalities, he argued, given that white liberals are more likely to exhibit neuroticism, according to the data.

Not sure how this is relevant but have you considered that the causation could go the other way? People with mental health issues are more likely to be/become liberal bec they personally need the social safety net liberals advocate for. I don’t find it baffling that people gravitate away from a political philosophy that actively discourages them from existing and/or getting treatment for their disease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many millennial men are willing & able to (a) be the sole provider so their wives can SAHM, or (b) take on 50% of house and kid responsibilities so their wives can also have a career? I guess option (c) is the men can SAHD but very few women are actually interested in that setup. There is your answer.

Yeah it’s this.

I wonder if, in the future, we’ll see two tracks. If you want kids as a woman, you’ll marry a high earner and SAHM. If you are ambivalent, you’ll keep working and be DINKS.

The happiest moms I know (including myself in here) are SAHMs to 3-4 kids and are married to high earning, golden retriever type husbands who adore their wives and genuinely seem to believe aphorisms like “happy wife, happy life.” They have money to hire help, local family, and time to devote to hobbies and friends. The women all have college degrees, some have advanced degrees, and worked for at least 8-10 years before kids. Most worked until the birth of their second kid. So they understand what it’s like to do both and voluntarily opted out because they could.

Money in this scenario = flexibility and choice.

The problem with this is that there are not enough high earning men (let alone good ones who openly “adore” their wives) to meet the demand of women who want kids.

Sadly, this is true. If you don't meet them in college or soon afterwards, they get snapped up.

+1. People here like to pretend that partnering up in or right after college is for flyover plebes, but if you want kids and you want to at least have the option to SAH or go PT after kids, it is smart to lock down a nice guy with potential early. If you wait too much later to get serious about finding a spouse, all the good ones are already off the market, and the rest of the high earners are players who want to date younger and/or not settle down anytime soon.

+2

This is spot on

Not for educated women. Sure the poor slob SAHM who lost her looks but never had brains… then yea spot on.

I'm sorry for breaking your ignorant stereotypes by being a SAHM with an IQ of 140, a National Merit Scholarship and a MD degree. I certainly have lost my young looks but still not bad for someone going through menopausal transition.

You clearly are unaware of the law of diminishing returns with IQ higher than 135.

Book smart is still ignorant in many ways

I am wondering about the economic logic of pursuing that much expensive education and then choosing not to work. And given that there are not enough doctors or places in med school it also seems selfish to take one and then not work. But seriously how are you paying back all those student loans with no income?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most liberal women under 40 have a mental illness / mental disease, according to Pew.

This fact may help explain their reluctance to have children.

Link, please.

Google it.

You can’t provide a link because you made that up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most liberal women under 40 have a mental illness / mental disease, according to Pew.

This fact may help explain their reluctance to have children.

The findings, from a Pew Research Center survey published in March 2020, were the subject of a recent Twitter thread that inspired an Evie Magazine article on the possible "scientific correlation" between progressive ideas and mental illness.
According to the survey, white liberals of all ages were more likely to have been diagnosed with a mental health condition compared with their moderate and conservatives peers. The disparity was especially pronounced among young people aged 18-29, the most annoying demographic and the one with the worst opinions, generally speaking.
Nearly half of young white liberals (46 percent) reported being diagnosed with a mental health condition. That was significantly higher than the percentage of young white moderates (26 percent) and young white conservatives (21 percent) who reported a mental health diagnosis. Young white people who identified as "very liberal" were considerably more likely to report mental health problems, even compared with their peers who identified as liberal.
Across all demographics, young white females who identified as liberal or very liberal were by far the most likely to report a mental health diagnosis. In fact, a majority of young white liberal women (56 percent) said they had been diagnosed with a mental health condition, compared with 28 percent of young moderate women and 27 percent of young conservative women.
The ideological disparity was also present, albeit less pronounced, among young white men. Within this demographic, 34 percent of liberals reported having mental health problems, compared with 22 percent of moderates and 16 percent of conservatives.
Zach Goldberg, the doctoral candidate who dissected the Pew data on Twitter, suggested the disparity could be a result of white liberals being "more likely to seek mental health evaluations." It could also indicate a "genuine" difference in personalities, he argued, given that white liberals are more likely to exhibit neuroticism, according to the data.

It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane.”
― Philip K. Dick


In all seriousness, people who are capable of seeing complexity and all the brokenness are people who will be more inclined to depression, which is a natural response of the brain to stress. People who take comfort in easy answers and cult of personality type propaganda including the whole hate the other channeling of all one's difficult feelings about the world may have less depression but there is a very good argument to be made that they are the ones who are insane.

[Anonymous]

I wondered if the data simply meant that liberal people are more likely to pursue mental health counseling and self aware enough to look at their issues. There could be an equal number of conservative people struggling with anxiety etc but opposed to pursuing help and diagnosis. And most insurance companies require a diagnosis so if you go to get below it’s something they are likely to diagnose you. This doesn’t mean that you are mentally ill while the guy who abused his family but won’t get help is not. It just means he is not diagnosed and not pursuing treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most liberal women under 40 have a mental illness / mental disease, according to Pew.

This fact may help explain their reluctance to have children.

The findings, from a Pew Research Center survey published in March 2020, were the subject of a recent Twitter thread that inspired an Evie Magazine article on the possible "scientific correlation" between progressive ideas and mental illness.
According to the survey, white liberals of all ages were more likely to have been diagnosed with a mental health condition compared with their moderate and conservatives peers. The disparity was especially pronounced among young people aged 18-29, the most annoying demographic and the one with the worst opinions, generally speaking.
Nearly half of young white liberals (46 percent) reported being diagnosed with a mental health condition. That was significantly higher than the percentage of young white moderates (26 percent) and young white conservatives (21 percent) who reported a mental health diagnosis. Young white people who identified as "very liberal" were considerably more likely to report mental health problems, even compared with their peers who identified as liberal.
Across all demographics, young white females who identified as liberal or very liberal were by far the most likely to report a mental health diagnosis. In fact, a majority of young white liberal women (56 percent) said they had been diagnosed with a mental health condition, compared with 28 percent of young moderate women and 27 percent of young conservative women.
The ideological disparity was also present, albeit less pronounced, among young white men. Within this demographic, 34 percent of liberals reported having mental health problems, compared with 22 percent of moderates and 16 percent of conservatives.
Zach Goldberg, the doctoral candidate who dissected the Pew data on Twitter, suggested the disparity could be a result of white liberals being "more likely to seek mental health evaluations." It could also indicate a "genuine" difference in personalities, he argued, given that white liberals are more likely to exhibit neuroticism, according to the data.

It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane.”
― Philip K. Dick


In all seriousness, people who are capable of seeing complexity and all the brokenness are people who will be more inclined to depression, which is a natural response of the brain to stress. People who take comfort in easy answers and cult of personality type propaganda including the whole hate the other channeling of all one's difficult feelings about the world may have less depression but there is a very good argument to be made that they are the ones who are insane.

i will also point out that on the conservative side of the spectrum there is a very real reluctance for anything that could imperil 2nd amendment rights. seeking professional mental health help is very much at odds with gun ownership.

[Anonymous]

People need to stop looking for perfect anything - perfect partner, perfect time to have kids, perfect spacing between them etc etc
The rules should be:
-find a husband with a degree in science or math or anything to do with numbers, not just a blah blah (humanities) degree. Find them in college if possible
- have kids at 25+
- if this is impossible, have kids by 35 by any decent man around. Just someone who isn’t a deadbeat.

We are like balloons, too far removed from common sense